As I write this, I’m tempted to laugh myself silly but I have to hold it long enough to say this bit before I let out the laughter. So why am I tempted to laugh? Is it because I’m standing outside myself for a minute to consider my credibility as a relationship guru? Okay, here’s that giggle now, I can’t hold it back again…
Can I stop and ask you to wonder for a minute why you opened this link? Well the 90% probability is that of curiosity or a need to confirm if you’ve been doing it right. You know, hoping that this post will be an affirmation of your methods. Well sorry to burst your bubble. We’re in the same shoes – as in un-guru, non-professionals. Come to think of it who really is a professional dater? My guess is that the professional dater has no ring on her finger anyway and so is not really qualified to be an adviser. So, my point is I’m not an expert on relationships and I don’t believe anyone should be an expert on relationships. We only try to do it better by learning from our past relationships, other people’s experiences and reading as many ‘howto’s’ as possible.
The dating period is quite an experience so many singles have passed through. It brings with it a special form of tutorials that no class room experience can simulate. You just have to know it for yourself. The rule is that there are no rules. You make up yours as you progress. Though it’s best to determine your rules on time so you can set the tune of any relationship before it starts.
I made this post because I just remembered one of those days when I was filled with curiosity to lay my hands on anything that had any information on dating. I wanted to be fully prepared when the man came calling. So I was reading this date rules book with an attractive cover of hearts and roses, when my friend walked in. I smiled eagerly, excited to share with her the knowledge I had just discovered. To my surprise, she made a statement that gave me food for thought that day. She said “I’m tired of reading all these things that make me become an actor, pretending to be what I’m not.” That off-hand comment of hers really struck me. It occurred to me that many girls, in the bid to adopt what society considers the cool way of getting the ring on your finger, end up becoming cartoons of themselves. What kind of man will you get after pretending to be a girl that loves fun and parties when what you really like is to sit at home and watch movies? So now you’re cooking and cleaning his house, washing his clothes and warming his bed because you think that that’s what it will take to get that ring. Or are you pretending to enjoy football too, even claiming to be a Chelsea fan just because he is but you absolutely hate football. How long will you pretend not to mind that he is a chain smoker just to get that ring on your finger, when you really can’t stand it. Don’t you think you are setting yourself up for problems in the future when he finds out that it has all been pretense and he hardly knows who you really are? The only person you can’t lie to is yourself because you already know the truth.
The best dating guide should be the one you write for yourself based on godly principles because there is no universal rule that guarantees ‘the ring’. My advice is and always will be “just be yourself and the best fit for you won’t mistake you for the other person you are pretending to be” let the finger that will wear that ring be part of the real person and not who you pretend to be.