Memoirs of a single christian chic…

Is it the computer or jet age thingy or the fact that everything has just changed, or the world coming to an end or what?

First of all, take a long hard look at this picture and please don’t laugh too much!

crazy guys
Yes oh! Guys are now sooo into the sagging/drop waist fashion. It is no longer for women only. Anyway, that is not what my post is about. I’m just getting your mind ready for it. The fact is that the world is radically different from what it was a decade ago. And I’m not just talking about science and technology. I’m talking about the human components themselves. Societies have changed, people have changed, even culture has evolved. Things have really changed. What was unheard of in the past is now normal. Hmm….men and their menscapades. I mean…just take another look at that picture.

Ok, down to the juicy part, this single chic decided to go on a little field trip, step out of her comfort zone and embark on some menscapades. Still trying to figure out what that means??? Abeg no fall my hand…just separate the two words – men and escapades…get the meaning now? Anyway, I’ve always lived a simple christian life, letting people know who I am…a serious don’t-mess-around-chic who’s got values and principles. Recently, I decided to loosen up a bit you know, do all the colour blocking, gum chewing, batting of false eyelashes and tomato red lips thingy. Hehehehehe… those that know me are seriously wondering how true it is, just wait till you hear the menscapade part before your eyes get wider than saucepans and don’t ask me if it was one of my new year resolutions. Okay, as part of the loosening up, I decided to start smiling at everybody that says hello to me…yea normal chics do that right? Anyways, the result was alarming and gave me the inspiration for this topic. I shudder as I write this and I’m tempted to say men…tufiakwa! You mean things like this happen in the world?


Ok, the gist… A man walked into my colleague’s office while I was using his computer and I offered him a seat to await my colleague’s return from lunch. It was all good at first and while I was pretending to be very busy (though I was in fact playing zuma…my favourite game), he started chatting with me. Well, I smiled politely and answered him each time. Then he asked for my number and I gave it to him. I saw the look, I had my suspicion but I decided to ignore it, after all it was supposed to be official. In fact I forgot all about it until later that evening when I received a call from him. He started rambling about how he saw me and decided that I was just right for him and he would like to have me. Na normal gist abi? Wait for it…

Trust me, maybe it is my training but I always like to not assume things so I had to ask…’You want to have me? Exactly what do you mean?’ And he said, ‘you know now…you are a matured lady. I just want you to come to my house let us have fun together. Don’t worry, I will treat you very well and do wonderful things to you, you will enjoy me.’

WHAT! Ding…ding…ding…ding…this one no be laughing matter oh. I can just imagine my sister shouting ‘Holy Ghost ei! You mean men are becoming this bold? That brought me to the next question, ‘Ah! Ah! Are you not a married man sir?’ (Yea, now you know why this is making headlines) And he said, ‘forget about that one. That is not the issue. The fact is that I am lonely and I need you to help me. Please just do this thing for me…I can’t wait to have you…I promise you will enjoy me…I will take care of you’. So, politely, I said to him, ‘I’m sorry sir but I’m not that kind of girl. I am decent and I do not indulge in such.’ And he said, ‘I know. That is why I want you. I don’t want all these girls that are available, offering themselves to me. You are very decent and that is why I want you.’ My mouth was just as agape as yours.

Is someone wondering why I was still on the phone for close to an hour with him? Well, I guess I may have been in too much shock. In fact my fingers were numb and I only revived them long enough to put it on mute and activate the speakerphone. It had the desired effect cos he kept cutting the line himself, calling back and apologizing for the network failure to my amusement.

I’m still shaking my head in disbelief. I say the world is coming to an end oh! This man was not even deterred by my decent dressing that day and by decent I mean I was wearing a three-quarters long black skirt and a pink long-sleeved shirt, decent but nice. It was quite disturbing to me. I don’t know whether it was the fact that he was not interested in honouring the life-long contract he signed up for with his wife or the boldness with which he stated his purpose that was more alarming. All I could think about was the wife somewhere raising their kids.

I guess I may have to delete the whole smiling and being nice thing from my new year resolutions. At least I would be saving myself a lot of headaches. How do the ‘aristos‘ manage abeg? Anyway, end of story…I cut him off on his second sentence when he called he the next day with, ‘I’m sorry sir but I have told you that I am not interested in any form of relationship with you. I will appreciate it if you don’t ever call my number again with such a proposition!’ (in my meanest voice) Chikina! It was that simple. That was the end of it!

NB: Do you have your own menscapades that you are willing to share? Please do so, let’s laugh along with you…lol


10 thoughts on “Menscapade

  1. Achieng' says:

    II love your blog keep up the good work.
    Men are getting bolder by the day, they fear nothing, they have no shame at all. Thought it was only Kenyan men but it seems its everywhere

  2. Michael says:

    Hmnn… na waoooo. I think your topic should have been Femmescapade !!! :):):)

    “What was unheard of in the past is now normal.”…For once I don’t feel old-fashioned, stone-aged guy for having this line of thought.

  3. Adaobi Ejiogu says:

    These kind of things are no longer surprisng. I remember a govt official I met in the course of sorting out my “many months of non-payment of allowance” during NYSC. He helped me get paid & afterwards was always nice to me anywhere he saw me. Several months later this man asked me without mincing words & without any form of shame to sleep with him. I promptly reminded him of his marital status & also told him I’m a Christian & don’t indulge in such. U can’t imagine d mouth watering offers he made bt all I could do was feel sorry for his wife. The end is indeed very close!

  4. engie says:

    yeah v gotten my fair share of those types arnd me dat nw m nt surprised anymore, once u approach me & i suspect u r married i’m no longer Miss Nice. I tried playn Miss Nice sometime ago & told d man nicely & politely ‘sorry sir u & i knw wat u r proposing isnt right, anyway i’m nt dat kind of gal, m nt interested’ & wen he tried persuadn & flashing cash arnd & he saw it wasnt working, he told me i think like an ‘old woman’ & i shld act like m part of dis generatn (& to think he said all d u look so innocent & diff 4rm other gals dats y m after u ..blah blah, d day he said dat in my mind i was like imagine u want 2 nw make like other gals abi??). I replied him calmly ‘thanks bt if thinking like a christian makes u say dat, cool’ & cut the line. I just looked at his words as a satanic ploy to provoke me & make me want to prove 2 him i can ‘act my generatn’ bt i knw dat i dnt have to prove anytin to him…. I knw who i am & what i carry in me…. He l8r called 2 apologise blah blah…. bt frm dat day Miss Nice 4 married men esp was gone. Nw i just cut dem as they try to hit on me, ask abt their wives & tell dem 2 go tell her those swt wrds or give her d loving/ cash u think u hv to give 2 me….m nt interested lol. It dazes dem & i enjoy d look i see on their faces wen they hear it….. If they persist, we will end up doing bible study right there… Some actually repent bt some…….

    • femmetotale says:

      @ engie, way to go girl! What’s cash compared to your virtue? It’s definitely a ploy of the deceiver…imagine telling you that you’re acting like an old woman. Kai!

  5. pastormildred says:

    This is so not a laughing matter. My mouth is still open. Imagine the effontry! So you want a decent girl to now make her indecent. It is well….let me try and get my lower jaw off the ground.

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