Memoirs of a single christian chic…

Is it the computer or jet age thingy or the fact that everything has just changed, or the world coming to an end or what?

First of all, take a long hard look at this picture and please don’t laugh too much!

crazy guys

Yes oh! Guys are now sooo into the sagging/drop waist fashion. It is no longer for women only. Anyway, that is not what my post is about. I’m just getting your mind ready for it. The fact is that the world is radically different from what it was a decade ago. And I’m not just talking about science and technology. I’m talking about the human components themselves. Societies have changed, people have changed, even culture has evolved. Things have really changed. What was unheard of in the past is now normal. Hmm….men and their menscapades. I mean…just take another look at that picture.

Ok, down to the juicy part, this single chic decided to go on a little field trip, step out of her comfort zone and embark on some menscapades. Still trying to figure out what that means??? Abeg no fall my hand…just separate the two words – men and escapades…get the meaning now? Anyway, I’ve always lived a simple christian life, letting people know who I am…a serious don’t-mess-around-chic who’s got values and principles. Recently, I decided to loosen up a bit you know, do all the colour blocking, gum chewing, batting of false eyelashes and tomato red lips thingy. Hehehehehe… those that know me are seriously wondering how true it is, just wait till you hear the menscapade part before your eyes get wider than saucepans and don’t ask me if it was one of my new year resolutions. Okay, as part of the loosening up, I decided to start smiling at everybody that says hello to me…yea normal chics do that right? Anyways, the result was alarming and gave me the inspiration for this topic. I shudder as I write this and I’m tempted to say men…tufiakwa! You mean things like this happen in the world?


Ok, the gist… A man walked into my colleague’s office while I was using his computer and I offered him a seat to await my colleague’s return from lunch. It was all good at first and while I was pretending to be very busy (though I was in fact playing zuma…my favourite game), he started chatting with me. Well, I smiled politely and answered him each time. Then he asked for my number and I gave it to him. I saw the look, I had my suspicion but I decided to ignore it, after all it was supposed to be official. In fact I forgot all about it until later that evening when I received a call from him. He started rambling about how he saw me and decided that I was just right for him and he would like to have me. Na normal gist abi? Wait for it…

Trust me, maybe it is my training but I always like to not assume things so I had to ask…’You want to have me? Exactly what do you mean?’ And he said, ‘you know now…you are a matured lady. I just want you to come to my house let us have fun together. Don’t worry, I will treat you very well and do wonderful things to you, you will enjoy me.’

WHAT! Ding…ding…ding…ding…this one no be laughing matter oh. I can just imagine my sister shouting ‘Holy Ghost ei! You mean men are becoming this bold? That brought me to the next question, ‘Ah! Ah! Are you not a married man sir?’ (Yea, now you know why this is making headlines) And he said, ‘forget about that one. That is not the issue. The fact is that I am lonely and I need you to help me. Please just do this thing for me…I can’t wait to have you…I promise you will enjoy me…I will take care of you’. So, politely, I said to him, ‘I’m sorry sir but I’m not that kind of girl. I am decent and I do not indulge in such.’ And he said, ‘I know. That is why I want you. I don’t want all these girls that are available, offering themselves to me. You are very decent and that is why I want you.’ My mouth was just as agape as yours.

Is someone wondering why I was still on the phone for close to an hour with him? Well, I guess I may have been in too much shock. In fact my fingers were numb and I only revived them long enough to put it on mute and activate the speakerphone. It had the desired effect cos he kept cutting the line himself, calling back and apologizing for the network failure to my amusement.

I’m still shaking my head in disbelief. I say the world is coming to an end oh! This man was not even deterred by my decent dressing that day and by decent I mean I was wearing a three-quarters long black skirt and a pink long-sleeved shirt, decent but nice. It was quite disturbing to me. I don’t know whether it was the fact that he was not interested in honouring the life-long contract he signed up for with his wife or the boldness with which he stated his purpose that was more alarming. All I could think about was the wife somewhere raising their kids.

I guess I may have to delete the whole smiling and being nice thing from my new year resolutions. At least I would be saving myself a lot of headaches. How do the ‘aristos‘ manage abeg? Anyway, end of story…I cut him off on his second sentence when he called me the next day with, ‘I’m sorry sir but I have told you that I am not interested in any form of relationship with you. I will appreciate it if you don’t ever call my number again with such a proposition!’ (in my meanest voice) Chikina! It was that simple. That was the end of it!

NB: Do you have your own menscapades that you are willing to share? Please do so, let’s laugh along with you…lol


7 thoughts on “Menscapades

  1. iphyuc says:

    Una own beta sef. D married women r no exception. Just last year a married man(my friend’s uncle) was like I should accompany him 2 a hotel so we can hang out. And dat I should look 4 a scarf 2 cover my tummy with(was 6months preggers then). Even had d guts 2 tell me I was looking ‘sexy’. As in ehn! I just kept staring @ him cos I just couldn’t utter any word. Choi!!!!!!! God have mercy

    • femmetotale says:

      @iphyuc….I’m sooo stunned, I have to hold my jaw with both hands to keep it from dropping. Is he demon possessed to want to sleep with a pregnant woman? That has got to be an offense against nature itself!

  2. YouKnowWho says:

    I’m with u chic on speaking in tongues jor. And also invite em to your church too…
    Deal is I’m NOT ur regular poster Christian girl… I’m flashy. I’m jovial and very extroverted. I’m very smart and well versed in plenty stuff. And I’m really pretty. So it means I’m fodder to be hit on at any time T… I’ve had people BEG me almost to tears for sex. Even in their cars… Seriously… Bad konji held d man. LMHO… Wa’eva happened to d four friggin’ points sheraton…? U meet someone and on day one he asks u bRAZENLY for sex… No mincing words. Now I’m beyond surprises… I always have a smile when I firmly say no but first I pick ur brains and make u look n feel about 2inches in height… I’m bad like dah…
    No kinda man is exempt… Married, single, hooked, pastor(yup), born again, lecturers, carnal, 6packs one pack…rich poor… Ewww even my then happily married landlord in college back then. Dude actually drove me to a hotel when we were supposed to go check out something for the house… Infact my boo then said and he’s still asking for rent. He shld do d house papers in ur name then he’ll seem serious… Tadpole like him…
    Infact when I think of all the harassment I have faced eh, I chop knuckle n hail myself for never falling…
    Once a white man (american ooo) offered me N3m to have a child for him cos ‘u r so pretty any baby from you irrespective of the man will be pretty’ awwwwww. He was single n hot… If only he simply toasted ehen we woulda been talking by now rather than that shifty arrangement.
    Infact I can write a book.
    I have seen it all
    I’m definitely NOT against men toasting. The heck you should. Tz d brazen sex talk n lewd looks that just amuse me. I usually laugh em to stupor cos tz real funny…
    Apparently sex being sacred aint cool again… Dang! I missed that memo…

    • femmetotale says:

      @ youknowwho…Hahahahahahahaha….I hope I don’t pass out from laughing too much. Yeye men wan spoil destiny for fyn gal like you. Double lol @ ‘tadpole’. Mtcheeew abeg thumbs up to you!

  3. Neniegirl says:

    I just thought of something. What if u started praying in tongues over the guy’s head while he was blabbing? He would have dropped d phone like hot coal hehehe! That wld give him gist for his beer drinking buddies! Lol!

  4. Neniegirl says:

    My fave blogger! Chei! He wants to have who? Why can’t he have his wife? Yes I’ve been toasted by married men. One tried to kidnap me cos I entered his car. The other had to be physically restrained. So I advice singles out there don’t give them your no. Don’t smile @ them. Don’t give them the listening ear. They are desperate n vicious like their father the devil cos they know their time is short. They feel their youth slipping away n they want to use u to renew themselves. Just like the men who belived few years ago that sleeping wt virgins would cure their HIV n went about infecting teenagers. God help us

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