You’re not so special

Memoirs of a Single Christian Chic

peplum dress

Someone once put up a funny pic that said, ‘there are over six billion people in the world and you think you’re special. Quit thinking everything is about you’. Ok, I found that entertaining and very thought provoking. Sometimes when I start falling into that me-hole, I quickly remind myself that everything is not about me and I should try not to be so self-centered at times. If this was what my post was all about then that would be very simple. Unfortunately, it is not. Someone carefully put those words together in his head and said them to moi. You wan know the gist? Ok, na… will dish it all out in a short while.

Ok, so I walk into my bank this bright Monday morning, looking very delectable and charming. Before you ask me why I’m judging how I look by myself, let me just pause and tell you why I know so. First, when I woke up this morning, I was really happy, more like really excited. It was one of those my emotional-high, upbeat mornings. I just bought this beautiful champagne-coloured peplum dress a couple of days ago and I couldn’t wait to match it with my nude shoes and maroon clutch. Suffice it to say I know I look good. My hair is packed in a cute pony tail and my make-up is on point. I enter the bank with an extra bounce in my step and a confident smile on my lips not just because I know I’m looking beautiful but also because of the money I’m about to receive from my sister through Moneygram. The lady banker says to me, ‘You look nice,’ (don’t you just love it when a lady tells you that you look nice? I mean, a guy can say it a thousand times but it can never trump the feeling of a girl who knows what’s up saying the same to you) and I beam with smiles, patting my head slightly to stop it from swelling as I say thank you. After explaining my mission to her she asks me to sit and wait for a while cos their network is a bit slow. I’m not in a hurry so I sit down in the lobby looking around me, still in a gay mood.

That’s when I notice him looking at me. He’s wearing a red polo shirt on baggy jeans (does anybody still wear those these days?) with a chain hooked to the left side of the jeans (you know the Tupac or DMX kindda thing) and brown boots. I look away and turn back in a few seconds to find that he’s still staring at me. He breaks away from the queue waiting to be attended to and starts walking towards me. I’m silently begging God, ‘Please don’t let it be that he’s coming to talk to me!’ I have a bad feeling about this one and …it get’s worse.

He takes the seat beside me. I tell myself to relax. It may not be what I’m thinking. Oh, but how very wrong I am for he smiles at me, revealing very crooked, stained teeth. “Baby, hello,” he says. I practically stop myself from rolling my eyes and just reply, “Hi.” I’m looking at the lady processing my stuff, willing her to be fast. She seems very busy and of course oblivious to my plight.

He clears his throat and fidgets in his seat. He clears his throat again and shifts his seat closer to mine. He’s smelling of sweat, like he hasn’t washed that shirt in seven days of heavy use. I have to be polite so I say nothing. He clears his throat the third time and smiles at me. Then he says, “Baby you would have been very beautiful if not for these pimples on your face.”

Woah! Wait a minute…did I hear right? Yea, that really got me too!  “What did you say?” I’m hoping I didn’t hear him right but he repeats himself, even pointing at the parts of my face where the blackheads were obvious. Ok, let me again pause and state that my face is not like your regular bathing sponge abeg. Maybe I have a few blackheads here and there but who doesn’t? I have never been overly self-conscious of the pimples on my face. In fact, my mom used to tell me that pimples make you look more beautiful (don’t tell me my mom lied). “Be nice and slow to speech,” I tell myself not to get angry and remember my word for the day. He that hath knowledge spareth his words (insert *she* and *her* appropriately): and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit. Prov 17:27

I’m still looking at him incredulously when he goes further to say, “But baby, seriously I can tell you what you can use to remove all these pimples on your face.” I put away my disgust for a minute and actually listen. He may have a lasting solution to my pimple issues. He continues, “Baby, have you tried using Nixoderm?”

OMG! This is too much for me to bear. Did I dress up this morning only to come and get insulted this way? I try to control my irritation as I say to him, “Nixoderm is used for excema’s not pimples.”
“I know,” he says “but it also works very well for pimples.”  I can give it to you to use.

I think I’ve reached my limit and I really need to get out of there. I need a very concrete reason to get up so that he doesn’t follow me. I’m wishing my phone will start ringing or that the lady will suddenly say my money is ready. Luckily, I see someone I know walking into the banking hall and I stand up to greet her. He stands too and says, “Baby if you don’t mind you can give me your number. I will bring the Nixoderm for you.”

“Sorry I have to go,” I say. That was when he flared up. “Who do you even think you are? Are you Dangote’s daughter? Why are you treating me as if I am rubbish? I may even be your husband tomorrow? (I mutter ‘God forbid’ under my breath) “You think you are so special!”
“Sorry, I have to talk to my friend,” I say and zoom off faster than lightening. Fortunately, just as soon as I’m done talking to my old friend, my name is called and my money handed over to me. Hmm…deep breath, quick escape before he chases after me.

I can’t even dignify this experience with a thought. How annoying can some guys be, abeg? I’m just going to add it to my memoirs and have a good laugh when I read about it in the future. I wonder what my kids will say when they get to read my memoirs one day…lol.


NB: For those saying that Nixoderm may actually work on pimples, I have to point out that it’s not the whole point for this post. I mean since when did commenting on the pimples on a girl’s face become a good pick-up line? Biko someone needs to compile a book on witty pick-up lines for guys. This thing is getting too much abeg.

Have you had any such ridiculous encounters with guys and their clumsy pick-up lines? Please share.

18 thoughts on “You’re not so special

  1. Portableglow says:

    Hmmmmmnn!! I just can’t imagine wat d guy wuld av said if twas me he saw, av been gettin all sorts of absurd prescriptions 4 ma pimples, I just feel like tellin ppl (esp less learned ppl) Gosh! Am a doctor in d making, can u stop prescribing nonsense 2 me already?? Buh then, instead I just smile and say Thank U, I might give it a try someday! Sounds like a lie buh dats d only polite response I can come up wit 4 naw!

    • Femmetotale says:

      Lol…my dear, that’s one of the things we have to bear oh! Unqualified people making all sorts of prescriptions. Please don’t give it any try oh. Thank God you have the background that enables you to make good judgments on this. Thanks for dropping by dear!

  2. Oluchi says:

    Hey babes, hw r ya? Long time! Can see life’s treating u real gud, that’s nice! Read your blog this morning, the ‘U ain’t so special’ one and decided to drop this msg. T’was rly nice and got me smiling at some parts. Cool, keep it up ok. Though I don’t get to read it often but I think for the ones I have read, u have nailed it! Bydway, but for the love of God I would have said why didn’t you give the young man a nice cool slap on the face for ever saying that to you! That was really crude and rude at the same time! Tsshhhhhheeeeewwww how uncultured can people be! Anyway thank God u kept it together… Errrr bydway pls can u send down the cute peplum dress and the shoes and the clutch, I have a vivid imagination and I can imagine hw good they all look. Loooollll, just thought to holla though, take care and keep the Spirit…

    • Femmetotale says:

      Wow, thanks Oluchi. Longest time oh! I’m sure ur doing great. I’m glad you enjoyed it too. Lol @ nice cool slap. I wish I had the mind to do that hahahaha. As for the cute peplum dress, don’t worry I’ll send it down as soon as your first daughter gets married **winks*…lol.

      • derinsola says:

        Read ur blog 4 d 1st time nd I wz wowd;mehn dose guys need 2 step up deir game o;by d way I av spots on ma face nd m really light.pls help a sis!biko wot cn I use*sad face*

      • Femmetotale says:

        Hello derinsola, sorry I didn’t see the second part of your comment on time. Someone really needs to dedicate a blog on teaching guys the correct way to woo a girl they like. As for the pimple issue, I don’t know if anybody has been able to come up with a definite solution. This is because acne is caused by different factors. I sha know that the best thing is to try preventive measures; wash your face regularly (my sis who is a doc recommends using a facial wash that has salicytic acid), like E said, keep your sheets clean, eat healthy foods, keep your hair clean, and pray for them to disappear :). Most importantly, be confident enough with yourself, pimple or no pimple.

  3. E' says:

    Ah me I’m referring to people who get it strictly from dirt!!!
    I trust my face. Once I stay on a dirty pillow case, that’s it ooo
    And then these kain boys will finish me
    I’m on a roll. Obviously.
    But like Oneplus said, is this real? Not fiction?
    Hian #TeamHian

  4. E' says:

    I swear
    The ones who don’t wash their pillow case hence map of africa on their faces…
    Nne sorry…
    So err we that don’t have pimples and blackheads or eczema hmmmmm. We are special abi??? Esp we that are related to uncle dangote…
    Sorry girl, me I’m special ooo. At least by that guy’s standards.
    But you? NOPE
    *laughing hard*
    Thank goodness God has an even better standard. And we all are special. God’s special girls

    • Femmetotale says:

      Hahahahahahahahahaha LWKMD.
      Abeg u no go kill me! Acne is not always about not washing ur pillow cases and all oh. There are so many other factors that contribute like stress, the content of your diet and of course genetic factors.
      My mom was definitely right when she said that pimples make u look finer *winks* cos I’m one of those really confident people even with a giant-sized pimple on my face (not that there’s any like that right now) *insert wide smile*
      Anyways, I thank God for the pimples or maybe the dude would have had something worse to comment on.

  5. E' says:

    I can picture the guy
    The picture doesn’t look too good
    Na wa oooo
    See gbege ooo
    Nixoderm??? That’s the dumbest pick-up line/convo ever.

    • Femmetotale says:

      @ E, Double Eish!
      Lol…I heard the word, Nixoderm and all I could think about was that smelly stuff in a green container kids that had eczema used to apply in school. I had to restrain myself from vexing oh!
      Dumbest pick-up line ever!

  6. 1 + The One says:

    He said whattttt????!!!! I’m almost tempted to believe this is fiction! I was waiting to get to the end of the post to read ‘haha, gotcha!’.
    I totally agree with Zi.. Inferiority complex raised to the power 100 and he was trying to bring you down!
    Another evidence is his rant about being Dangote’s daughter.. How does that even have any thing to do with the situation?!?!
    Lord have mercy!

    • Femmetotale says:

      Lol… 1+The One. You summed it up perfectly. Inferiority complex and insecurity with their many faces walk up to us countless times and try to bring us down with them. Me no gree sha.

  7. Zi says:

    Me i dnt see it like he just talked abt d pimples as a pick up line… No. D guy saw u pretty gurl, confident n all, he was attracted bt felt threatened n insecure cos he felt/knew he ddnt measure up so he did wat he thought was best…. look for a supposed flaw n try to break ur confidence so u feel not so gud anymore n give in to him as per talk to him or give him ur number….. Dats Abuse n dats wat abusive guys do! Good thing u werent swayed by his talk n he noticed dat, dat was y he started ranting abt ‘who do u think u r’ blah blah……. Babe dnt mind d yeye guy jor…. U fyne jare!

    • Femmetotale says:

      Thanx Zi…, that’s a really different perspective on it.
      Lol @ he was attracted bt felt threatened n insecure cos he felt/knew he ddnt measure up so he did wat he thought was best….
      I personally believe that any guy who feels insecure about any girl should have no business talking to her because his insecurities will never go away. Some guys really need lessons on how to woo a lady.

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