Like mom like me

Close up portrait of teenage girl

A popular sombori (don’t ask me who) once wrote that the highest need on a woman’s hierarchy of needs is the need to build a home as a wife and a mother. Every other need pales in comparison to that need. Well, some women would say that it’s not true, that there are women who desire to succeed in life, business and career just like the men and for such women raising kids and building a home is not their priority. Some others may say that it is the truth. To consider whether it is true or not I decided to do a little comparison between the daughters of three women.

Gina is the only daughter of a very successful Neurosurgeon, in fact one of the best in Nigeria. Her mother’s drive to succeed at her career was first before everything else. Gina saw very little of her mom in her growing years. Her mother was only at home a couple of hours in a week and most of those hours were spent in her room reading, preparing for an upcoming surgery or an exam she needed to upgrade to the next level. Her mom was never there to assist with homework or school projects; she wasn’t there when Gina saw a baby pigeon which fell from a tree while she was playing outside with her brothers and didn’t know what it was, she wasn’t there either when Gina needed an African attire to wear for her school play. She can’t erase the memory of her classmates’ laughter when she arrived in school wearing the hideous buba and iro her father had improvised from her mother’s wardrobe. She also wasn’t there the first day Gina saw that red stain on her skirt and wondered what it was. Today, Gina has graduated as a medical doctor and has no interest in getting to the peak of her career for fear that like her mom she may not be there for her own children.

Rita, on the other hand was born to a mother who is a school teacher. Her mother was there to pick her and her siblings up after school. She assisted with homework and school projects. Rita had a confidante in her mother who was always there for her. It was her mom who picked her up after school and listened to all her stories. She learned to cook while assisting her mom in the kitchen. Rita learned to cut and sew and amend dresses from her mother. When in boarding school, her mother always came to visit during visiting days. Her mother knew about her first boyfriend and even gave her invaluable advice about relationships. Her mother’s comforting arms were there after she got her first heartbreak and her mother has remained her best friend since then. Rita has also graduated as a medical doctor and can’t wait to become a consultant in Oncology.

Gina and Rita are good friends. Gina doesn’t think much of Rita’s ambition. Having been the daughter of a very successful mother, Gina knows all about the wide gulf that a woman’s success can cause in a family and advises against it. She is convinced that it will affect Rita’s relationship with her children. Gina has made up her mind to be the best mother she can be to her children and if it takes not being a career woman to achieve it then Gina is prepared to be a stay-at-home mom.

What would your advice to Gina be? In case you’re wondering who the third young woman is, just insert your own childhood experiences and decide what kind of mom you would like to be. Is it possible to be a combination of both mothers? I appreciate your thoughts.


10 thoughts on “Like mom like me

  1. imperfectlyperfect92 says:

    The virtous woman in Provers 31 was succesful at it,business,taking care of d home and kids,wise,caring,etc.for it to be in the Bible means that it can be done.that is what I aspire to be and I know that it is will b detrimental 2d home for her to focus on her job alone and her being a stay at home mum doesn’t sound like she will be fufilling God’s purpose 4her in dis earth.none should suffer at d expense of d other.the ability of a woman to manage both her home and career is true sucess.

    • Femmetotale says:

      Right you are….for it to be in the bible then that means it can be done. The Prov 31 woman set a very high standard for women but shes also an example of a woman who leads a balanced life.

  2. mayreeh says:

    D fact is u can’t combine both effevtively, one side wil alwys stil lack. I’m a perfect example of Gina & I made d same decision she made (nt 2 b a career woman n all) since I ws a child & today even afta service, I’ve decided 2 switch 2d education line cos asides my passion 2make impact n teach, I want 2 av quality time wit my family.

    • Femmetotale says:

      Hello Mayreeh, thank you for your contribution. If your desire is to pursue a career in education then it is also very good. You must remember that lecturing is a carer and you should aspire to be the best you can be in that field. You can aim for Professorship and become someone your children will be very proud of. The important thing is to create a balance between your life and your family but you must make sure that you have something that gives you great fulfillment in life.

  3. Dr Ugonna says:

    Gina’s story, though a sad one, isn’t always the case with career women. I have such ambitions to get to the top politically and truthfully family isn’t my priority but it doesn’t mean it isn’t important to me. Busy mom or not, time management is the key.there are women who aren’t busy but still don’t have that connection with their kids. Its all about understanding the art of connecting and trust me, once you know the ropes, even if you have 1hr everyday for your kid, you’ll still be the best mom ever!

    • Femmetotale says:

      Yes, Dr. Ug! I totally agree with you. Time management is key. There are still many mothers out there who haven’t got great relationships with their kids tho they’re stay-at-home moms. I love your proffession btw, so many more lives to touch than just ur immediate family.

  4. ugwuji says:

    Hmm. What kinda mom will I be? I know a lady who started a creche cos her mom was a bank staff who often left them in the care of nannies. She felt working women needed an alternative to nannies and her creche is wonderful. I think I will be the mother who refuses to be crippled by negative experiences but learns from them to become an awesome mother.

    • Femmetotale says:

      Thanks Ugwuji, I believe it’s a unique decision every mother must make to be the best mother she can be despite how difficult it may be. More importantly, a woman must find that which gives her the ultimate fulfillment in life and if she can juggle her kids and career without letting any part suffer then so be it. If she feels she’ll be content to be a successful mother then let her.

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