Last first date – Oil and Water

Mixed race couple having coffee in cafe

Every lady needs a little bit of inspiration laced with plenty fun every day. I’m all about fun and inspiration so here’s a little fun to start your week with. Read on and enjoy with me. 

Remember I mentioned that I was starting a new column under my Memoirs of a Single Christian Chic called Last First Date? Okay, so here it is. I promise not to make you laugh so much that you’ll crack your ribs but just keep your doctor’s number handy…lol. Guys, I really wonder if you make these dating blunders when you do them on purpose. Trust me there are lots of unpardonable things we see on a first date that definitely marks it out as the last.

Some things just don’t get along well with each other. Take oil and water as an example, you can mix them together and shake as hard as you like but they’ll never become friends…..or will they? Let’s find out!

Okay, so I was in Abuja for a short visit and I met a friend’s friend who seemed pretty ‘civilized’ so I freely gave him my number when he asked. I remember wondering if there was something a little off about him but I quickly dispelled those concerns. He was quite normal except for his bloodshot eyes which I guessed could have been from anything including fatigue. He told me to expect his call and I was okay with that. A couple of days later, he called and asked to meet up.

Yours truly had a couple of beautiful new dresses I couldn’t wait to try out. I finally settled for the sea-green one with flowery patterns and a pair of pale brown heeley sandals. I knew the sandals weren’t too comfy but I decided to brave it cos those were my favourite pair and I had noticed he had a nice car the day we met.

He didn’t pick me up. He called at 5:30 and said I had to meet him up somewhere cos there was traffic. I wasn’t too familiar with the way and expressed my reservations, without adding that I was sure to get mighty blisters on my feet before I got to where he was. Anyways, so I finally made it to the area and called. The networks must have had some conspiracy against me that day cos it took me over 20 minutes of standing on the road before I finally got through to him. He was very apologetic, said he had been trying my number too and he was somewhere nearby. I was mildly relieved. At least someone was going to rescue me from my tired feet.

It was another thirty minutes of trying to locate each other that we met. Because I wasn’t very familiar with the area I was unable to give an accurate description of where I was and I couldn’t locate where he was either. Just when he was about to give up and turn back I suddenly saw him and breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was already getting dark and apart from the embarrassment of dressing up for nothing I was also tired and almost frustrated. I was really relieved to see him and I was just about to say so when he said something about my having wasted much of his time, in a very angry tone. I apologized. He hissed and asked me to get into the car on a softer tone. I ignored the slight irritation and got in.

He became nicer. He asked me how my day had been and if I was enjoying my visit. It had been nice so far, I said and relaxed. The traffic hadn’t eased up but he had a shorter route to our destination and in ten minutes he said we were close.

“Where are we going?” I couldn’t resist asking.

“Oh, it’s just close by. You enjoy eating soup, right?” He asked.

“Yes,” I actually enjoy eating soup and it seemed okay to me.

“I’m not really into all these fried rice and chicken stuff people buy in fast food joints,” he continued. “Once you eat eba or pounded yam, you’ll know you have really eaten.”

I nodded as I concurred with him.

He continued, “Baby I really like you oh! You’re just my type (oh..oh…warning bells….I mean, who talks like that?). I just like this your skinny stature (more warning bells!). You’re even looking more skinny and appetizing in this your green dress, like a mermaid! (no more warning bells…real alarm blaring).”

“What did you just say?” I was hoping I didn’t hear him correctly.

“Never mind,” he laughed. “We’re almost there. I hope you like Afang soup? This Calabar woman, she knows how to make it very well with plenty meat and fish. You will enjoy it!”

“Calabar woman? What kind of place is it?” I was getting worried about his attitude. He hadn’t seemed that way the day we met.

“You like intercontinental dishes naa? Don’t worry, you will love it.” He said and pulled the car to a stop in front of a plaza.

I came down from the car, dreading walking in those heels again but like most other girls, of course I bore it. I looked around and asked, “Where’s the place?”

“Oh, it’s just here,” he said, pointing towards his left. I couldn’t really see any building with neon lights or at least a large sign but I walked behind him. We got to the place and he walked in, motioning for me to go in too.

The shock didn’t register immediately. I was still wondering if he wanted to pick up something from someone. Then it started creeping in. Did I dress up in my pretty dress and heels just to go eat in a ‘buka’? (eyes popping…). “Is this the place?” I asked, ignoring the sinking feeling in my tummy.

“Yes, Mama Ekaete makes Afang soup veeeerrryy well! Leave all those nonsense they make in restaurants. After eating her food, you will never eat Afang soup anywhere else.”

In order not to seem rude, I walked in with him and sat on the rusted chair, praying earnestly that my dress won’t rip off when it was time to stand up.

He made orders for both of us and I told him that I wasn’t really hungry as I had just eaten before leaving the house. I couldn’t tell him that the numerous flies perching on the table had stripped me of my appetite. “Baby, that time you wasted on the road eh, I was very hungry and it even increased the hunger for me.”

I pursed my lips and refrained from apologizing. Matter of fact, I felt I was the one who deserved an apology for dressing up to go on a date with him.

The food arrived and he ordered a malt drink for me. I couldn’t tell what irritated me most – the flies buzzing in my ears or the sound from his mouth as he smacked his lips while sucking out every bit of flesh from the fish he was eating and dropping the bones on the table. He spoke as he ate, “Baby, I’m sure you’re very sweet, sweeter than this Afang soup. Shebi you will follow me home this night?” he said, and attempted something like a wink.

That was it!!! I had had enough. I couldn’t stand one more minute of that. I walked out of the place, determined to go as far away as possible from him, my anger overshadowing the pain in my feet.

That was definitely a last first date! Surely, oil and water don’t mix…they just don’t.

Have  a blessed week!

Femmetotale

 

PS: Have you had any similar experience? Please share your experience with us. I can’t wait to hear yours too. Just inbox me on alicia_davids@yahoo.com. Cheers!

 

 

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15 thoughts on “Last first date – Oil and Water

  1. Tosin says:

    hahahahaha! femmetotale,I thought its just me who had met one of those ridiculous guys. Infact, my own experience was really crazy and laughable. I am just wondering how you got home in those heels. I am really cracking up here.

  2. E' says:

    You made this up…
    What da heck?
    I was real disgusted reading this. Esp at the first mention of baby… ewwww.
    I hate to be called ‘baby’… except of course by the people allowed to call me that.
    This story is more annoying than funny.
    What a joke… You wasted his time? Alika.
    Like tenderonii said, I really would have asked you for an apology…
    Thank God for the real gentle men out there.
    I wish I had a story too. I don’t. Didn’t get any dating done thanks to the barrister lol…
    I look forward to reading more stories oooo so I will mention it on my blog
    Muah
    E’

    • Femmetotale says:

      Hehehehehehehe
      If I were to vex for all the ppl that have called me baby I for don get wrinkles by now.
      Imagine a client calling you baby in court…hahaha…I’ve developed thick skin for that one sef.
      Lol @ Alika!
      It’s at times like that that I wish I could just be like any other girl and have ‘bad mouth’. There are plenty things I coulda said instead of walking away.
      BTW totally loved the shoes in ur post. Made me feel covetuous ;;)

  3. tenderonii says:

    Wow, is dis for real, this is really oil and water ooh’
    I don’t want to even say more than this…..laughing in Spanish, Lwkmd, lol, hahaha
    Last first date indeed……u left right on time, if you had left any later, I would have asked you for an apology letter. love you femme totaled you are truly representing.

    • Femmetotale says:

      Seriously oh! For real! Some people are just that annoying. I couldn’t tell if he was doing it in ignorance or if the Mama Ekaete put something in the food (as per iya basira levels 😀 ) that didn’t allow him to understand the difference between buka and date. Mttcheeeeeewww!
      Thanks Tenderonii! Your blog rocks too!
      Love ur template!!

      • tenderonii says:

        lol…@Iya Basira….Date and Buka…totally different. So, did he call you back after you walked out and how was the situation wen u told ur girlfriend about it?…lol

        Thank you darling..the blog is home for you, you are welcome everytime

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