I feel pretty nostalgic writing this post especially at this time of the year when single ladies everywhere are busy getting their groves on, searching for their Mr. Right. In this part of the world, this festive season everyone knows how common it is for girls to look prettier than KimK herself, wear exotic hairstyles and expensive dresses just to get all the attention and who knows they just might get one moneybag straight from Yankee with enough dough to sponsor a celebrity Introduction/Traditional Wine-carrying ceremony, all before the year comes to an end. I mean, I’m sitting here with a mischievous smile on my face thinking of stuff I’d probably have been doing right now while appearing to be celebrating Christmas and the end of the year along with everyone else. Yeah, I’m out of that stage now and with the benefit of hindsight and of course experience I can easily write stuff like this.
Ok, so you are getting all the attention you craved for when you were fixing your expensive hair but here’s a list of the 5 men you must not say yes to this season.
2. Vain Vincent: This is the type of guy that is basically in love with mirrors. He stops to check out his reflection whenever you pass by a mirror or a glass door. His beard is always neatly groomed, his clothes impeccable, his sunshades designers and on his neck a gold chain. He’s always asking you, “how do I look?” and never pays you a compliment no matter how beautiful you look. It’s almost as if he’s the female in the relationship and he’s not even gay, he’s just vain. If you’re looking for a man to say yes to this season, Vain Vincent is certainly not that guy. You’re probably going to spend the rest of your life telling him how cute he is and not expect him to tell you how cute you are too. Not only that you should also expect that your family budget will project a higher amount for his clothes and accessories than your feeding!
2. Brutish Bamidele: This one is certainly the kind of guy you shouldn’t say yes to unless you are skilled in martial arts and you probably have a black belt. He’s always violent, always has a pack of cigarettes in his car, quarrels with keke drivers on the way, always reeks of alcohol, never concedes an argument no matter how wrong he is, says things like “women talk too much… they deserved to be thrashed to keep them in their place”, calls his mother a whore, verbally abuses his sisters and is so possessive when it comes to you that he’s ready to beat up any guy he sees hanging around you. Of course when he’s with you, he’s generally nice, pays you compliments and treats you like you are the centre of his world. He tells you all other women are sluts and you are so different. He tells you he cannot live without you and buys you beautiful gifts. Once in a while he hits you when he’s angry and tells you it is your fault for getting him angry. Then he buys you gifts and begs you not to leave him or he will surely die. Brutish Bamidele is a brute in every sense of the word and you are not the one to tame him if his mother couldn’t. Stop giving yourself stupid reasons for considering saying yes to him unless you don’t mind sentencing yourself to a lifetime of abuse.
3. Egoistic Emeka: If there is anyone you should avoid saying yes to then it is Egoistic Emeka. He’s the guy that believes everything should revolve around him. He’s only happy when the discussion is about him. He’s not really vain he just has a big ego. He’s very self-centered and doesn’t mind how much he’s going to inconvenience you just to have his needs met. He’s only in a good mood when you praise him, talks about his dreams and achievements without paying a listening ear to yours, becomes angry whenever you receive a commendation or award at work, is extremely competitive and doesn’t mind keeping you awake through the night complaining about his colleague at work who seems to have an edge over him, dominates every conversation with tales of his prowess, remains moody when you get something he desires until you hand it over to him and sulks when he doesn’t get his way. If you are in a relationship with Egoistic Emeka then you should think of calling it quits now before it is too late unless you don’t mind stroking someone’s ego for the rest of your life. Men generally have big egos but when it is such that he is highly insecure then it is very unhealthy and will pose issues for you in the future.
4. Inconsistent Ignatius: This one never holds down a job. He has great dreams and thinks his bosses are all worthless and if he were to see just one million naira he’ll start up his dream business and in no time they will be calling him “Sir”. He always knows how best things should be done, speaks articulately, has dreams of grandeur and talks about how much money he’s going to have soon without ever working hard at anything. He has very bad money habits, keeps borrowing money from you and can even gamble with his last dime. He’s always optimistic about how much he’s going to make from an imaginary deal and yet never achieves anything. His dreams change every now and then. Today he’s so sure he wants to own a computer center and tomorrow he wants to be a footballer. He let’s you pay for everything you do together, cabs, dinners and even recharge cards. Unless you’re ready to be the one to foot all the bills in that relationship and be the breadwinner when you get married you have no business dating a guy like Inconsistent Ignatius.
5. Slutty Sule: Ok I know the word slutty is normally used to describe lose females but there are some guys that flirt so much that they deserve to be called sluts. Slutty Sule is the typical nice guy. He knows exactly how to please a lady. He buys you gifts, sends romantic text messages, leaves roses at your doorstep, opens the car door for you to enter, pulls out the seat for you when you go out and gives a listening ear when you are speaking. On the face of it, Slutty Sule seems to be the perfect guy but something tells you that you’re not the only woman in his life. One minute he’s telling you how much he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you and the next he’s staring at one yellow paw-paw that struts past him never mind that she may not even be as pretty as you. He’s always carefully guarding his phone, answering calls from different girls and smelling of different feminine perfumes which he claims is nothing. When you see him with a different girl he’ll be quick to tell you that it’s his great grand sister’s niece. Well, unless you’re ready to be fighting with different girls everyday he’s definitely not the man to say yes to.
So ladies while you’re having fun this festive season and making yourself available for Mr. Right to find be yourself, remain steadfast and remember these 5 guys you must never say yes to.
Dare to be yourself…