Nuggets on True Love

Couple sitting on bed in trailer home and using digital tablet

The man who came up with the saying, “Procrastination is a thief of time,” must have been a very wise man indeed 🙂 for who else could have stolen almost the whole of July away from my blog? I know I won’t be let off the hook that easy, but I hope reading this post will make you change your mind.

So I heard this rich wisdom on love in church yesterday and I realised that I just had to dust up my blog and share it here. A lot have been said and heard about love. For all we know, there’s much more to hear and no one ever said there’s anything like too much wisdom. Being the wonderful person I am, I have decided to put down the stuff I’ve learnt on love for you too so if you’re considering marriage and you’re wondering on true love then you should read this. As always, my words are for the ladies (yea, I’m that partial 🙂 guys go get your own blog) but guys feel free to insert he or him as appropriate if you so desire.

Love is one concept that has defied all possible definition. Everyone has an opinion on what love is. For some, love is that intense feeling that can only be quenched by a sexual experience with the one they say they love. That kind of love is called Eros and just as quickly as it comes so also does it go. For some also, love is that feeling that is based on reason. They only love the one they say they love for some transient reason that may not always be. That’s Philos love. There’s also the kind of love that defies reason or conditions. It exists independently of reasons. That’s Agape love and is only fully expressed by God. Guess what? They’re all probably right about love since love is many things to many different people.

We may not have a specific definition of love but we do know what true love is when we see it. However, if you’re still in doubt about what true love is and you wonder whether the man that claims to love you truly does then here’s a few tips to help you. Don’t worry, you can thank me for posting this later **winks*

True love gives

Have you ever observed how easy it is for you to give freely and without reservations to the ones you love? Love always seeks the pleasure and happiness of the other. A mother can give up her last morsel of food to her child and go hungry. Love is that selfless. If you find yourself always willing to give to someone then you need wonder no more about whether you truly love him. And if he claims to love you then he should also willingly give to you.

Breaks and Mends

This is another great tip on true love. If you love someone then you’ll be ever willing to make up with him when you have a quarrel and please don’t tell me you never quarrel because that would just be an immature kind of relationships. You both come from different backgrounds and must disagree on certain issues. The question is when you quarrel do you reconcile and forgive each other easily or does it take so long for you to make up? Are you the one who is always willing to forgive even when he’s at fault or does he apologise too? Lady, if you’re the one who is always ready to mend the relationship then you might just be the only one whose love is true.

An open admirer

When we were young, we knew a lot about secret admirers who sometimes were not so secret lol but it’s that simple. To truly love someone you must admire him and be proud to show him off. You don’t admire someone you love in secret. You’ll want to shout it from the rooftops for all to hear. If he truly loves you also then he must be proud to show you off. Does he only affirm his love for you when you both are alone or does he pay you compliments in the company of others? If you know the answer to this then you know if your love is true or not.

An anchor in crisis

A man who truly loves you will stick with you in times of crisis. There are friends who are often nowhere to be found when you are in crisis and there’s a friend who sticks closer than a sister. Agape love doesn’t depend on perfect conditions but is forever. Supposing he was to hit on bad times and maybe lose his job would you remain loyal or will that be the end of your love? Would he stick with you if some tragedy befell you? I know it’s often difficult to tell who will stick with you for life when there’s a tragedy but any man who will be an anchor in crisis has my vote in the true love contest.

Naked and not ashamed

True love is not afraid of the skeletons in your cupboards. Just as true love sticks with you in times of crises it is also not easily doused by the skeletons in your cupboard. True love should be able to see you for who you are and not be put off. Also, will you run away when you meet the skeletons in his cupboard? This should help you know if your love is true or if it is philos. However, hmm … those skeletons had better be the type you can bear oh abeg! Don’t get into something you can’t bear and say Femmetotale gave you the go ahead! Lol!

In speech and companionship

If a man truly loves you, he will value your input in his life and vice versa. True love seeks the company of the centre of his affection and loves to listen to you. That means you should both be able to enjoy each other’s company and jointly solve your problems.

Time factor

True love will always stand the test of time. A relationship should be given time to grow. Don’t be in a hurry. Take time to study and know each other. After all you will be together forever.

Love is a flame. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love. Songs of Solomon 8:6-7.

Okay, I know the tests of true love are truly inexhaustible but this is the much I could scribble down here. Feel free to add your own nuggets and share with others. Remember true love is seen in giving.

And if you’re still wondering where I got these wonderful nuggets from, I had fun listening to a very wise woman say all these in Dominion City, Gwarinpa, Abuja. Don’t envy me just ask me nicely and you may have the opportunity to hear it all yourself next time.

Till my next post, let your love be true and may it never be quenched by the waters.

Femmetotale

Beauty and the Bachelorettes

Portrait of four teen female friends smiling

It’s one of the greatest themes in the history of romance. Talk about the fairy tales, village romance and even in the bible you will find this same theme running through most stories. Check every romance story you can find. There’s always one bachelor and several bachelorettes competing for his love. At the end, one lucky damsel gets to be the chosen bride and receives the crown as his princess or queen. It is as though it is commonly accepted that many girls should compete for the love of one man. Hmm…

We definitely accepted it when Esther became part of the biblical beauty contest that saw her being made to undergo all kinds of beauty regimens to prepare her for a night with the King. I remember smiling in excitement as an aunt recounted to me tales about a man who had just returned from the US to find a wife while she was in the village. She, as well as almost all the girls in the village took special care dressing up and decorating themselves after which they took gifts just to present themselves to the family of the man. They would walk briskly to the house only to slow down once in front of the house and walk with slow unhurried steps, hoping to catch a glimpse of him (this part I only heard because I was eavesdropping while she told another aunt about it) and then they would flash him their most pretty smiles as they left.

Did their plans work? Well, it certainly did. There were a select few who were lucky to be invited inside to see him. They were so excited and lost no time in rubbing it in the faces of those that were not selected. So who finally got him? I hear you ask. Well, I do not know who the lucky bachelorette that got him was but I do know that not long after that a story broke out that the handsome ‘prince’ all the girls were gunning for was a man who committed a crime in the US and escaped to Nigeria to hide in the village. Sounds like a Nollywood movie, right? Lol… it really did happen.

I wonder how all those beautiful bachelorettes that wouldn’t give the local men around them any attention must have felt when the story broke out. Were they ashamed to show their faces in public after that or did they go about their normal activities? Why do ladies enjoy going for the obvious ones who they have to compete with everyone else to get and possibly still have to compete to keep for the rest of their lives?

I may not know the recipe for getting a perfect relationship but I do know that if you have to compete for the love of one man then that is a recipe for disaster. The woman should be the prize God rewards a man with. Eve did not have to compete with several other Eves for Adam’s love. They were simply made for each other. If you have to compete for his love now then just get ready to compete for the rest of your life. This is not a fairy tale. Fairy tales always end with happily ever after but in real life there’s no ever after. There’s many years of more competition jumping in every now and then. So I say, lady don’t focus on winning the competition, go where you are the prize to be won.

Have a pleasant weekend

Femmetotale

My Proverbs 32 Man, Joseph

Man adjusting cuff link

Ok, before you read this, you must promise not to drool over Joseph and please don’t even think about getting him for yourself. Now that you’ve promised, you may read this post 😀 Enjoy!

Last year, I saw this amazing post on One+The One’s blog and I couldn’t help but reblog it on femmetotale. It was about the Proverbs 32 man, aka the virtuous dude. Now, you must know that it is quite unusual to hear about the virtuous man. All we hear day in, year out is about that perfect woman called the virtuous woman. Nobody thought it was important enough to give men a manual on what a virtuous man should be like unlike the very detailed writing of King Lemuel’s mother who told him about the virtuous woman. My girl did a very humourous and insightful piece on her blog, telling us what the virtuous man should be like. Guys, I hope it wasn’t too impossible to emulate.

I read this amazing post on Dr. N’s blog about how to choose a husband. Isn’t it just exciting to hear what a lady who leads her life based on godly principles has to say about choosing a husband? You have to check out what she has to say yourself. Just Click here to read or follow the link, www.drnsmusings.wordpress.com The part that really struck me at first was where she described what a husband is. In her own words, “Who is a husband? A husband is a gardener. He spends his life tending his garden (you), and reaps at harvest time.” Hmmm…. rich! Then next, she described what she looked out for in her man and the one that stood out most for me was Love for the Lord. She said, “I needed a man so passionate about Jesus that it showed. One who loves going to church, sowing, praying and so on. He should be the priest of the home. I had no intention of being the one dragging him to church, praying over the kids, e.t.c. Single and available lady (not searching please… you should be sought for) lady, please take note of these great qualities too.

So, according to the Catholic calendar, the Saint of the day is Joseph, the father of Jesus and I believe he is one virtuous man every man in our generation should model his life after. He was definitely a man whose passion for the things of God showed and he was the Priest of his home. I love the fact that even when he thought that Mary had become pregnant by being unfaithful to him, he showed maturity by deciding to send her away discretely so as not to shame her. That’s what true love does. Love does not act out in anger. How many men today would treat suspicions of unfaithfulness in that manner? Also, he needed to be able to hear from God and be sensitive in the spirit to recognize that it was the voice of God when the Angel appeared to him and told him to take Mary as his wife because she was carrying the saviour of the world in her womb. His singular act of obedience was enough to ensure that the plans of salvation which God had made would work. We don’t need men who will be so intoxicated with alcohol that their spiritual ears will remain deaf to the voice of God.

Joseph was a regular man like any other. He didn’t have extraordinary strength of character. He was only made extra-ordinary by his obedience to the voice of God. So you see, the virtuous man is not a figment of our imaginations. He did exist and still does exist.

Femmetotale

PS: Sorry I couldn’t post the next edition of To Fan An Old Flame today. Please watch out for it tomorrow!

Last first date – An Exciting Meet

Young Couple Drinking Wine

You all probably know by now how much I love hearing love stories, about how meeting a stranger blossoms into something beautiful and lasting. After all, every friend you have today was once a stranger but by sharing certain interests and getting involved in each other’s lives, that one-time stranger quickly becomes a part of your life.

I’m always interested in the ‘first meet’ part of every love story. It’s amazing to hear about how a man bumped into a lady and helped her pick up her books that fell and got scattered on the floor. One thing led to another and they fell in love and lived happily ever and after. I know I’ve seen that a lot in movies but does it happen in real life? I mean, out here in the real world we seem to meet that ‘special someone’ in least expected places like; on the road (under the scorching sun), or at the ATM point (where you were waiting impatiently for your turn) or….. the market. Okay, before I go spilling the beans again, my girl, Tosin met that ‘special someone’ at a least expected place and she dished it all right out to me. When I read her mail, I was just about to eat my fried yam and stew which I had been longing for all day. Here’s how it went. Hear it right from her. My own words are in brackets and italics.

Hi Femmetotale,

I commented on your post about the “last first date” and you asked me to share my experience and here it is.

This happened around 4yrs back when I was still in the University. I came around from school to visit my cousin in Ibadan. I cannot remember the incident word for word but I remember the encounter vividly. Biko! don’t laugh too much. (Ok, girl you know when you tell someone not to laugh too much it automatically gets them laughing. 🙂 )

My cousin had gone to work and I was left alone at home. I was so bored that I decided to spice up my day. I went to Sango market to buy some foodstuffs. I also decided to buy some CD’s at a stand and that was how I met this guy. (Oooooohhhh….this is the part I so love to hear about… how they met… I’m all ears!)

We got talking about movies. I realised he was an avid movie watcher just like me. He sounded so nice and we exchanged numbers. He called me the next day and this was when the drama started. While we were talking, something led to another and I told him I had not yet taken my bath. He scolded me and told me to go and bath joor.

Then the shocker came. He said, “I don’t want to go out with a smelling girl”. * Jaw drops* Did I hear this guy correctly? He just said I was smelling! (HUH? WHAT!!!!! Babes, I don’t think your jaw dropped as low as mine. Even my mum would scold my brothers for telling their sister that she’s smelling. It’s a big cultural ‘no no’)

Foolish me, I overlooked that language. I didn’t know it was a sign of more to come. We continued talking and we agreed to meet in an eatery. I cleaned up and got dressed, hoping to have fun with my new date. *rolling my eyes*. On getting to the eatery, I called him to come out to meet me but he asked me to come inside. I hate looking all around for my first dates in an unfamiliar place. (A guy I was talking to recently actually said that only a girl that doesn’t know her worth goes to search for the guy on a first date. He should be the one to come out and search. I didn’t particularly agree with him then but Tosin’s story is making me wish I had.) I insisted so he agreed to come out. He called me that he was outside but I couldn’t still see him. We kept talking on phone till I located him. Just before he dropped the call, I heard something like Olodo! Gbam! The second shocker! Olodo ke, I don enter am today! (Okay, at this point my jaw dropped so low that the yam I was about to eat fell out of my mouth. WHAT???)

We went inside, made our orders and settled down. Then another drama started.

# Part 1) He asked to see the contents of my purse and I refused. Then we started dragging my purse together and when I would not release it he became pissed. (No comments on this one. What was he hoping to see in the bag, biko?)

# Part 2) We continued eating and chatting. All of a sudden, he asked to see my stomach!  “Stomach ke! Inside eatery, see my life o!” I blatantly refused and he was even more pissed.

# Part 3) I still stayed and we kept talking. Then he asked, “Who even told you that you are beautiful?” Ehn see question…. I didn’t still take offense. I smiled and told him that I have friends and families who compliment me. He gave me a mocking expression and said, “You are not fine. You are just OK.”

*Alarm bells sounding in my head* That was the last straw. I said to myself, “This is the last day you will ever see me!!!!”

I kept my cool and decided to leave few minutes later. You know another shocking thing? He wanted me to go home with him! Insult upon injury! Of course, I bluntly refused. (Okay, this is the one that just makes me mad. Why would you meet someone and ask her to go home with you on the same day? Even oyibos keep it simple till the third date except she’s the one that invited you to her place. Ladies, please help me out here!)
Some days later, he sent me a text that I didn’t even call or text him. He said “It’s so sad because it shows he didn’t mean anything to me.”

“Argggh! Call fire! He even had the nerve to get in touch after all that.”

Every girl I told the story to was angry with me for putting up with such nonsense.

Femmetotale, I am sure if you were my mother or elder sister, you would have beaten me for even taking such. (hahahahahaha… nope, I wouldn’t have beaten you. I’d have asked you why you didn’t call me immediately to come and take you away from there. Lolz…) Anyways, I am wiser now o! 

Tosin Florence Eyebiokin


We’ve all had to sit through bad dates before but this guy takes the cake. When I read about Tosin’s experience, at first, my jaw dropped and then dropped lower and then got shut cos I was mighty pissed. I sense that the guy is uncultured and just plain abusive and I pity the girl who will have to live through that for the rest of her life. The first ‘no no’ was telling the girl that she was smelling. Ok, I know guys you’re very close to can get away with that but not someone you’ve just met. The last straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when he told her that she wasn’t beautiful. I mean, who does that? Some people deserve to be put in that place that starts with the letter Z, kai! Anyways, thank God you were able to escape on time before he did more damage on you.

Ladies, I hope you could relate with Tosin’s experience. I sure did. Tosin is an amazing blogger and she blogs at www.chavivas.blogspot.com. You know that feeling you get when you’re walking by the brooks at dawn? That’s how her writing makes me feel… peaceful. You should go check out her blog.

Do have a splendid week and don’t forget to keep being complete.

Femmetotale.

PS: Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to alicia_davids@yahoo.com

How to get the girl of your dreams III

© Copyright 2009 Corbis Corporation

The weekend is here again and today we say goodbye to the old month and welcome to the new. I see you dancing to the TGIF tune and planning your fun for the weekend. Well, here’s a little something to add to your fun right here on Femmetotale. Still on how to get the girl of your dreams, we’ve got some tips on how to get that girl you want, bearing in mind that we should seek what we deserve and not merely what we desire. If you missed the other editions then please click here and here to see the background to this post.

Meanwhile, I came across this funny video. I think it is old but I found it to be so true of girls that I just had to share it.

Are we ladies really this complicated? What am I even saying? We are really that complicated, reading meanings into things that are perfectly simple and nagging a guy into frustration. Well, before I go spilling the beans and spoiling the fun, why don’t you watch it yourself and see if it is true!

So about getting the girl you want, here are some more tips that are sure to get you what you want.

#3. Show confidence: If you’ve prepared yourself well and made sure that you make a good first impression, the next thing you have to remember is that you should show confidence. Confidence is a very attractive garment and it looks good on anybody as long as it is not excessive. Overconfident people are just plain annoying. Confidence is the reason why some people who have no business being on TV have our attentions and we nod to the beats of their music (I won’t mention names but you get the drift. 😀 ). It doesn’t necessarily have to do with having a lot of money in your bank account but having a deep sense of worth and value of yourself. You know, it’s funny how a dog can sniff out your fear and bark louder as soon as it notices that you are afraid. Somehow, girls know when you are acting really nervous and it puts them ill at ease like, “if you have something to say then say it already.” Don’t worry if she’s particularly making you nervous just keep your cool. The next thing you must pay attention to is her body language.

#4. Read the signs: Girls say a lot of things without really saying them. The greatest challenge men have in relationships is the ability to read body language. It is a great social skill that everybody should have. Every smart girl should know how to read a man’s body language and that’s what the girl in the video should have been smart enough to know or did she? You judge. These signs are often universal except for a few that are peculiar to people from particular regions. For instance, when an Indian is saying yes, we Nigerians may think he’s saying no. Apart from that there are basic body signs every guy should know.

  • If you’re talking to a girl and she’s shifting from foot to foot and looking around her impatiently then you can tell that she’s bored and can’t wait to get away from you.
  • If she keeps touching her ears while you’re talking and looking at anybody else but you then you can tell that she has no interest in what you’re saying and can’t wait to get away from you.
  • If her hands are on her hips, then she might be waiting, impatiently or just tired
  • Pay attention to the feet! A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that she is impatient, excited or nervous.
  • Okay, this is one that I find totally hilarious. Some people may point their feet to the direction of where they want to go or sometimes towards their interest. So if it’s pointing at you, she may be interested in you. If she leans forward while you’re speaking then she’s interested in listening to you.

These few tips on body language should be able to get you on the right note. You can find out more on how to read body language by simply reading books about it. At least I know I did. It’s a great social skill.

More tips coming right up on this column. Don’t forget to drop your comments and let’s see if these tips really do work.

Keep being complete!

Femmetotale

PS: Sorry I was unable to upload the video. Will upload later tonight. Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to alicia_davids@yahoo.com

Last first date – Blind Date Gone Bad

Young couple in cafe

It’s happened to the best of us. It’s happened to me too. Any girl in the dating zone will tell you she’s been on one or two blind dates in her life. Wondering what I mean by blind date? Don’t worry I’ve been there before too. I remember hearing about a blind date and wondering if she went on a date with a blind guy. Awwww… touching! I also remember thinking, so we still have girls with hearts of gold like that… Well, I soon found out that a blind date is not about going on a date with someone that can’t see but simply going a date with someone you’ve never met in person.

We’ve heard fairytales about two strangers that went on a ‘blind date’, fell in love and lived happily ever after. Some say it was love at first sight, some say they hit it right off when they met and some say they knew they’d be perfect together the moment they met. With facebook and other social media, blind dates have practically become a normal thing cos who’s to tell if the guy you’ve been chatting with on facebook is really the one in his profile picture? So many classic romantic tales have been spurn around ‘blind dates’ and everybody loves a little bit of romance, right? Okay, so imagine my delight when my dear friend, Victoria told me about her blind date who just came into the country and couldn’t wait to meet her. What could be more romantic than that? Well, let’s find out how the date went right from her. I’m trying not to spill the gist myself 😀 My own words are in brackets. Enjoy!

He just got back into Nigeria and had climbed seven mountains to get my number from my friend. So I felt what’s the worst thing that could happen, abi? I had heard tales of how handsome and  funny he was (two points for him already) so I was kind of looking forward to our meeting.

I met him at the hotel he was staying and we proceeded to an eatery not far from there. We chatted for a little while and then ordered. He ordered for oha soup and eba, I think I ordered for rice I’m not so sure now. He didn’t do anything yucky like talk with his mouth full or anything. (Okay, this is the part I really dread! What’s with guys and talking with their mouths full? One point for him, sweetz…he’s passed this part!)

What made me write this piece was what he did after. He washed his hands in the bowl, then put some water in his mouth and rinsed it. I mean gurgled the water like you would when brushing your teeth, with his face up and everything. (What!!! :O Did you say gurgled? I withdraw my one point!) Hmmm… wait, there’s more. He used the water to wipe his lips then shook his hands to dry the water off. Finally he took the serviette to complete what he had started. I just sat there, looking at him. (Sorry, sweetz, where did you say that guy came back from, the desert?) 

I didn’t know what to do really, thinking back now I hope I wasn’t staring. I was too embarrassed to check if other people had witnessed what I just saw. Of course, I had to suffer through it all till he got the bill. The amazing thing is, he didn’t even know what he did was a big ‘no no’. I thought it was over until the bill came. Ladies, he asked the waiter to wait while he crosschecked the bill with her, making sure no naira was lost. At the end of it there was an overshoot of about N40 or so, which he demanded for of course. And no, he did not tip the waiter. (hahahahaha…he had to make sure the waiter wasn’t stealing him blind. You’ve got to hand it to the guy naaa….he was being financially prudent.)

-Victoria

Blind date….hmmmm…I guess sometimes you’ve got to just have faith and take a blind leap. Thanks for sharing with us, Victoria. You sure made me have a good laugh this morning. 

Femmetotale

 

PS: Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to alicia_davids@yahoo.com

Last first date – Oil and Water

Mixed race couple having coffee in cafe

Every lady needs a little bit of inspiration laced with plenty fun every day. I’m all about fun and inspiration so here’s a little fun to start your week with. Read on and enjoy with me. 

Remember I mentioned that I was starting a new column under my Memoirs of a Single Christian Chic called Last First Date? Okay, so here it is. I promise not to make you laugh so much that you’ll crack your ribs but just keep your doctor’s number handy…lol. Guys, I really wonder if you make these dating blunders when you do them on purpose. Trust me there are lots of unpardonable things we see on a first date that definitely marks it out as the last.

Some things just don’t get along well with each other. Take oil and water as an example, you can mix them together and shake as hard as you like but they’ll never become friends…..or will they? Let’s find out!

Okay, so I was in Abuja for a short visit and I met a friend’s friend who seemed pretty ‘civilized’ so I freely gave him my number when he asked. I remember wondering if there was something a little off about him but I quickly dispelled those concerns. He was quite normal except for his bloodshot eyes which I guessed could have been from anything including fatigue. He told me to expect his call and I was okay with that. A couple of days later, he called and asked to meet up.

Yours truly had a couple of beautiful new dresses I couldn’t wait to try out. I finally settled for the sea-green one with flowery patterns and a pair of pale brown heeley sandals. I knew the sandals weren’t too comfy but I decided to brave it cos those were my favourite pair and I had noticed he had a nice car the day we met.

He didn’t pick me up. He called at 5:30 and said I had to meet him up somewhere cos there was traffic. I wasn’t too familiar with the way and expressed my reservations, without adding that I was sure to get mighty blisters on my feet before I got to where he was. Anyways, so I finally made it to the area and called. The networks must have had some conspiracy against me that day cos it took me over 20 minutes of standing on the road before I finally got through to him. He was very apologetic, said he had been trying my number too and he was somewhere nearby. I was mildly relieved. At least someone was going to rescue me from my tired feet.

It was another thirty minutes of trying to locate each other that we met. Because I wasn’t very familiar with the area I was unable to give an accurate description of where I was and I couldn’t locate where he was either. Just when he was about to give up and turn back I suddenly saw him and breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was already getting dark and apart from the embarrassment of dressing up for nothing I was also tired and almost frustrated. I was really relieved to see him and I was just about to say so when he said something about my having wasted much of his time, in a very angry tone. I apologized. He hissed and asked me to get into the car on a softer tone. I ignored the slight irritation and got in.

He became nicer. He asked me how my day had been and if I was enjoying my visit. It had been nice so far, I said and relaxed. The traffic hadn’t eased up but he had a shorter route to our destination and in ten minutes he said we were close.

“Where are we going?” I couldn’t resist asking.

“Oh, it’s just close by. You enjoy eating soup, right?” He asked.

“Yes,” I actually enjoy eating soup and it seemed okay to me.

“I’m not really into all these fried rice and chicken stuff people buy in fast food joints,” he continued. “Once you eat eba or pounded yam, you’ll know you have really eaten.”

I nodded as I concurred with him.

He continued, “Baby I really like you oh! You’re just my type (oh..oh…warning bells….I mean, who talks like that?). I just like this your skinny stature (more warning bells!). You’re even looking more skinny and appetizing in this your green dress, like a mermaid! (no more warning bells…real alarm blaring).”

“What did you just say?” I was hoping I didn’t hear him correctly.

“Never mind,” he laughed. “We’re almost there. I hope you like Afang soup? This Calabar woman, she knows how to make it very well with plenty meat and fish. You will enjoy it!”

“Calabar woman? What kind of place is it?” I was getting worried about his attitude. He hadn’t seemed that way the day we met.

“You like intercontinental dishes naa? Don’t worry, you will love it.” He said and pulled the car to a stop in front of a plaza.

I came down from the car, dreading walking in those heels again but like most other girls, of course I bore it. I looked around and asked, “Where’s the place?”

“Oh, it’s just here,” he said, pointing towards his left. I couldn’t really see any building with neon lights or at least a large sign but I walked behind him. We got to the place and he walked in, motioning for me to go in too.

The shock didn’t register immediately. I was still wondering if he wanted to pick up something from someone. Then it started creeping in. Did I dress up in my pretty dress and heels just to go eat in a ‘buka’? (eyes popping…). “Is this the place?” I asked, ignoring the sinking feeling in my tummy.

“Yes, Mama Ekaete makes Afang soup veeeerrryy well! Leave all those nonsense they make in restaurants. After eating her food, you will never eat Afang soup anywhere else.”

In order not to seem rude, I walked in with him and sat on the rusted chair, praying earnestly that my dress won’t rip off when it was time to stand up.

He made orders for both of us and I told him that I wasn’t really hungry as I had just eaten before leaving the house. I couldn’t tell him that the numerous flies perching on the table had stripped me of my appetite. “Baby, that time you wasted on the road eh, I was very hungry and it even increased the hunger for me.”

I pursed my lips and refrained from apologizing. Matter of fact, I felt I was the one who deserved an apology for dressing up to go on a date with him.

The food arrived and he ordered a malt drink for me. I couldn’t tell what irritated me most – the flies buzzing in my ears or the sound from his mouth as he smacked his lips while sucking out every bit of flesh from the fish he was eating and dropping the bones on the table. He spoke as he ate, “Baby, I’m sure you’re very sweet, sweeter than this Afang soup. Shebi you will follow me home this night?” he said, and attempted something like a wink.

That was it!!! I had had enough. I couldn’t stand one more minute of that. I walked out of the place, determined to go as far away as possible from him, my anger overshadowing the pain in my feet.

That was definitely a last first date! Surely, oil and water don’t mix…they just don’t.

Have  a blessed week!

Femmetotale

 

PS: Have you had any similar experience? Please share your experience with us. I can’t wait to hear yours too. Just inbox me on alicia_davids@yahoo.com. Cheers!