I came across this hilarious-slash-true-as-ever piece and I thought I should share it. I would have reblogged it but I couldn’t find what app to use so I decided it copy it and share the link here – http://www.oneplustheone.blogspot.com/. The words in brackets and italics are mine. Enjoy!
We have all heard about the famous Proverbs 31 woman. You know the one that many men want their wives to be modeled after and many mothers want their sons to marry (ask King Lemuel’s mother!). If you still don’t know about this legendary woman I am referring to, then you need to read the book of Proverbs, chapter 31 from verse 10- till the end…22 whole verses dedicated to identifying the ideal wife. (Point to note ladies, it’s quite a high call and only by divine unction can you fit the bill 🙂 Not surprisingly the rather long list of achievements was wisely given to King Lemuel by his beloved mother (thank God for mothers-in-law right?). I can almost imagine that he either was the only son, the first son or the last son.
I have always wondered though that King Lemuel had the good fortune of having a mother who could let him in on the secret of finding a virtuous wife, but how about the ‘virtuous’ husband?
So a few years back, we did a survey with about 15 lovely Christian ladies and asked them what qualities they looked out for in a man to make up what we term our ‘PROVERBS 32 MAN’.. I am taking a step further to write it down and make it plain on tablets. Guys you definitely want to read this and run with it. Enjoy!
‘Qualities of the PROVERBS 32’ Man
V.1 Who can find a virtuous husband? For his worth is far above precious stones.
V.2 He must be a man as GENEROUS as David – David was a man who GAVE! When it was time to build the Lord’s temple, he was prepared to give his all and his best. In addition, he was a cheerful giver and gave without complaining or grumbling. He must be willing to show his love to me and others by giving with a generous heart – 1Chronicles 22 – emphasis on v5 – (Seems that thing about giving needs a whole sermon of its own preached)
V.3 He must be as UNDERSTANDING as Joseph the father of Jesus – He was a man who understood his betrothed, Mary and believed her when she said to him that she became pregnant by the holy spirit –Matthew 1:18-25 (Now, this part really got me…how many men in their right senses will believe that cock and bull story these days. You got preggie outside wedlock and now you’re claiming that it happened by divine visitation…hmm. That Joseph must have been a real man!)
V.4 He must be as TRUTHFUL as Samuel – Imagine getting a word from the Lord that your master and his sons would perish and being able to say it exactly as it is to him, word for word not minding the consequence, that was Samuel! – 1 Samuel 3: 16 – 18 (That’s bold and truthful indeed!)
V.5 He must be as LOVING as Hosea – Hosea loved his wife and took her back even though she repeatedly committed adultery with other men! He obeyed God’s instruction to love her irrespective of what she had done – Hosea 3:1-3 (Do we even have anyone called Hosea in existence now? No man wants to even imagine the thought of his wife cheating on him with another man not to talk of a prostitute).
V.6 He must be as FAITHFUL as Joseph was to Potiphar – Joseph refused to sleep with his master Potiphar’s wife. He should be able to remain faithful to me even when ‘opportunities’ willingly present themselves as they so often do! – Genesis 39 (A faithful man who can find? For his worth is far above gold!)
V.7 He must be as HANDSOME as David – David was a ‘swaggerlicious’ dude, end of story – 1 Samuel 16:12 (I liked the word, swaggerlicious…when are they even going to add that to the English dictionary. Anyway, David was all that and he still loved God that much. So why do some guys seem to think that having swag means you can’t be a church boy?)
V.8 He must be WELL SPOKEN like Paul – Paul is credited with writing many of the letters in the New Testament, the brother had a way with words. He must be able to speak to me in ‘secret’ love languages – Galatians 2:20, Romans 7:15 – Some examples of his many colloquy (That man really had a way with words. He was an orator, well versed, learned, and a master of language. I’d be proud to have me man speak with such eloquence like Paul).
V.9 He must be as STRONG as Samson – Samson was so strong, he killed a thousand men with the jawbone of an ass! He must be able to lift up and carry and move and push etc – Judges 15:15 (Now, I’ve got to put a lil brake on that one…strong yes but if the images I’ve seen of Samson in illustrated children’s bible are anything to go buy then I’ll have to say, ‘maybe not all that strong…’ He should not be a willy ninny though)
V.10 – He must be as RESPECTFUL as Abraham – When Abraham had 3 guests, he treated them with respect and care, it turned out to be that they were angels! He should be able to recognize the angel and the gift of God that I am and treat me as such and with R.E.S.P.E.C.T! -Genesis 18: 1-8 (I totally agree. Being bold doesn’t mean he should be haughty)
V.11 – He must be a GOOD LISTENER like Samuel – Samuel was such a good listener, he was able to hear the still small voice of the Lord. He must be able to listen to the things that I am saying and not quite saying -1 Samuel 3 (Yea, I’d love that also so that I can comfortably sleep at night, knowing that his spiritual antenna is up…lol)
V.12 – He must be a PROVIDER like Jacob – Jacob worked 14 (!) years for the woman he loved and wanted to marry. A hardworking man is able to provide for his family – Genesis 29:15-30 (Wow, 14 years just to get one woman…guys that should tell you something. I also get that he must have loved her too much to give up).
V.13 – He must be as SUCCESSFUL as Isaac – Isaac was a great man indeed and he continued to wax great until he became very great – Genesis 26:13 (Great but she forgot to add *wealthy*. Now, I know we’re not supposed to attach so much importance to wealth in relationships but I couldn’t help noticing that although he inherited his father’s wealth, he also multiplied this wealth. That shows that he was a man with vision).
V.14 – He must be a PHILANTROPIST like David – 1 Chronicles 22 (I’d be proud to say that he’s a man who’s concerned about the less privileged).
V.15 – He must be the SPIRITUAL LEADER in the home like Joshua – Joshua 24:15 (Oooh that guy was really a spiritual leader. He made sure his leadership was always centered on God’s will).
V.16 – He must have ABS like Samson – A man who worked his muscles like Samson did, must have his 6-packs in check! If you don’t know what abs are, you can ask King Lemuel’s kind mother – Judges 16:12 (Hehehehehehe…I don’t know what to say here. Abs are great but if he can’t make it I think we can forgive that…lol)
V.17 – He must be as INTELLIGENT as Paul – Just take a look at the books of Romans, Ephesians, Galatians, Colossians, etc! The man was gifted like that!!
V.18 – He must be as ROMANTIC as Solomon – He must have had some dangerous lyrics to spin for about a 1000 women! A man who waxes poetry for his beloved??! Definitely a keeper! -SOS 4:1-5 (Wow…talk about love poems, that dude called Solomon knew how to dish them out and he wasn’t stingy with compliments either. A man who can spin rhymes like that for me is definitely a keeper.)
V.19 – He must have a GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR like David – A King who is willing to dance so uninhibited in front of his subjects must also have a good sense of humour – 2Samuel 6: 16, 20 (I love to laugh…it’s good for the soul so he should be able to make me kick the air, wild with laughter).
V.20 – He must be CALM and COOL-HEADED like Moses – Any man who could lead those stiff-necked Israelites without drowning them himself in the red sea by striking the rod quickly must be something indeed. He must be able to withstand my (occasional) nagging without wringing my neck – Numbers 12:3 (I totally agree. Moses really is one of my favourites from the bible. He was humble to a fault and he was one of the greatest leaders in the bible, so great he was singled out to be one of those that witnessed Christ at the Mountain of transfiguration centuries after his death).
V.21 –He must be an APPRECIATOR and ENCOURAGER like Hosea – For Hosea to take his wife back and love her, he must have said kind words to her irrespective of the life of harlotry she was living, Hosea was also prepared to pay a high price for her even though she was seen as cheap and unworthy. He must be able to praise me and affirm me even when I don’t deserve it. In addition he must think (and show) that I’m all that and a bag of chips – Hosea 3:2 (I love that man, Hosea! He didn’t even care what people would say about him bringing back his wife into his home, a known harlot…)
V.22 – He must be as PURPOSEFUL as Daniel – When Daniel made up his mind, there was no shaking him. He must be able to stand by his word and have a purpose about what he wants to achieve and become – Daniel 1:8 (Daniel was a man of great convictions and I like a man that does not change his mind like the weather. Let your yes be your yes and no your no)
V.23 – He must be as COURAGEOUS as the 3 Hebrew boys, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego – They remained undaunted even with the threat of being thrown in the furnace – Daniel 3: 16-18 (A comedian once said that those boys must have been from Niger delta. Who has ever seen such courage?)
V.24 – He must be as PATIENT as Job – Indulge me, let me get away with certain things, forgive my misdemeanours, love me patiently – Job 14:14 (Ok, patient yea… but nobody is praying to have the kind of trials Job had. However, I like the aspect of being so faithful to God that he didn’t for once question His sovereignty or doubt his existence).
V.25 – Most importantly though, he must be prepared to love me as Christ loved the Church and laid down his life for it – Ephesians 5:25 ( Do you love me enough to die for me?).
….*Deep breath*… There you have it ladies and guys (still standing!) If you thought Proverbs 31 was a tall order, try the Proverbs 32 man…Guys can you think of anyone who can fill those shoes??? *smiling through my teeth* Of course not!
PS Though written slightly satirically, I desire a man with such qualities…. call me a hopeless romantic or tell me to pull my head outta the clouds…So help me God.
Culled from http://www.oneplustheone.blogspot.com