A thing for Coloured Girls…and boys

Young woman posing in front of painted wallHow far are you willing to go to get noticed? Are you one of those girls that get cat calls whenever you pass a group of boys or perhaps you’re the girl that when you walk into a place with your friend you hear someone say ‘excuse me’ and then you turn around and say ‘yes’ but then he says, ‘sorry, not you. I’m talking to your yellow friend. Ouch!!! Apart from how embarrassing that situation is it is also annoying to realize that it is the yellow girls that get all the attention. What happens to the girl with the naturally kettle-black skin? How is she ever going to get noticed?
Tough one right? Lol…maybe in the 19th century one could have been worried about that but not this time and age. Ever since TLC sang ‘Unpretty’ all those worries of womanhood have been relegated to the furthest recess. What’s there to worry about when you can change every single thing about you that makes you feel unpretty to get noticed by all the boys.

They say people admire what they are not and scorn what they are used to. How else do you explain someone lying down in a bikini under the hot sun or applying harsh chemicals to her skin to become as ‘yellow’ as the one who is trying to become darker. It’s a funny world and I can imagine aliens and extraterrestrial beings shaking their heads, laughing and wondering what the heck is wrong with us. We are just never satisfied.
Someone asked me, ‘why are all the girls looking fairer these days?’ before I could say a word, someone else answered, “A girl’s got to do what she got to do to get noticed and if bleaching her skin is one of them then so be it.”

Hmm…and why am I talking about yellow girls and boys? Here’s why. So I walked into this salon to get my hair done (don’t ask me if it’s a perm. I’m not against doing weaves jor.) A good number of ‘hot chicks’ use this salon cos well, it’s the in-place and girls like ‘the in-place’. You know what happens in ‘in-places’ (I’m not using too much coded language, I hope). Every girl wants to be the hottest girl there. It’s not unusual to see a girl wearing more jewellery than 50 cent himself or wearing something more outrageous than Lady Gaga herself or holding more phone models than Samsung. Everybody is spotting an accent in unbelievable voices and doing their best to get noticed. I’m doing my best to get a stylist to attend to me first so I can get my hair done and go start my other activities for the day when this big, fair and voluptuous girl walks in. She’s wearing a leopard skin print tank top and yellow jeggins. A dainty lemon green scarf is tired around her hair and she has a bright red lip colour on her full pouted lips. Her eyes are covered with trendy sunglasses and she’s walking like she owns the town. Everybody turned to see her when she walked in and I imagine some of them hissing cos she certainly topped the chart of the hot looking girls that morning. She has this bouncy step and really loud manner that reminded me of someone I used to know back then in school but I’m certain it’s not someone I know. She walks up to the stylist who returns her greeting familiarly and tells her it’s been a while since they saw her. She says she’s been traveling a lot and would soon be traveling back (never mentioned where she went to oh!) as soon as she got her hair done. Then she starts describing a hairstyle I’m pretty sure I’ve only seen on a cockerel and mentions something about a dye. The stylist says something and she laughs shrilly. That sound is unmistakable. I’m pretty certain I’ve heard it before. I look at her closely, not minding the curious glance she threw my way. Then her eyes light up in recognition and just then I recognize her too. It is definitely the same Ugonma I knew in school. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her that I would never have recognized her cos the Ugonma I used to know was as dark as the charcoal my grandmother roasted yam with. We simply exchange pleasantries.

She didn’t stay long. She left the salon in a hurry, saying that she didn’t like the crowd and she couldn’t wait till it was her turn to get her hair done. The stylist didn’t seem bothered. I wondered if she wanted to leave before I lost all caution and asked her how she managed to become as ‘yellow’ as that or if she simply didn’t remember to bring money to pay for her hair. I’m shaking my head wondering when girls will learn to accept their skin colour when one of the stylists calls me and says it’s my turn.

I’m just settling into my seat when I hear my own stylist saying to another girl in a whisper, “I know that girl that just left very well. They live close to my house. She used to be dark…very dark like pot.”

“Are you serious?” The other one said, “I wonder why girls like bleaching.”

“Boys too…” she said and they laughed loudly.

What more can I say? You be the judge of that!

Femmetotale

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This Little Rudder in Me II

Cropped image of woman clenching teeth

Here’s some more inspiration for the contemporary Christian young woman. Did you read my earlier post about my short adventure and how I discovered the little rudder in me? You want to know what became of me, my guide and our little boat? If you missed the first part then you can click here to read it.

Okay, so this large vessel was looming overhead and I was shaking like a leaf, wondering what I was thinking when I decided to go on that adventure. I clutched my seat tight and the boat driver laughed. He said I needed to see the way I was holding onto that seat. The large vessel was looming closer and those two were laughing, telling me not to worry, I just had to relax. That was when my prayers were answered and another boat came by. They gave us some gas and continued on their way.

In a short while, the boat’s engine revved again and we moved away from the path of the large vessel. It was so fast that it still caught up with us. Its waves rocked our boat back and forth, almost pushing us off from our course. My heart was beating so wildly, I thought that any stethoscope placed on it would surely explode. Tears stung my eyes but I was determined to act courageous. I must say, our boat fought valiantly…at least it didn’t capsize while the ship was moving so fast. Just then I noticed that the ship was turned slightly away from us. I saw something like a big, flat blade at the stern of the ship, immersed in the water, which seemed to direct the flow of water away and reposition the ship to face a different direction.

The scary moments passed soon enough. It had only lasted about one minute yet it had seemed like a whole lifetime to me. The water was calm again and it was almost as if nothing had happened. The guide giggled as he recalled how I had gripped the edge of the boat as though my life depended on it.  It was only when everything was calm that I had time to admire the magnificent, impressive looking ship. I wondered how something that big could move at such speed, what kind of engine it used and what powered it.  The guide was quick to explain. I suspect he didn’t know much but he considered himself very knowledgeable. He pointed out different parts of the ship, explaining in simple language what they were for. We couldn’t see passengers or crew men on board.  It just looked like a moving house. The guide told me that in that big house moving on the water was a captain controlling its movement. He told me about the rudder, a unique component of the ship that helped move it away from us.

rudderWhat he said made me think about the verse I read that morning in James 3:2-9. The tongue is perhaps one of the most ignored parts of the body. It performs multiple functions and we often don’t realize its importance until it brings results, good or bad. It’s amazing that both blessings and curses can emanate from the same tongue.  Talk about gossips, negative speeches, faithlessness, lies, malice, deceit and corrupt speeches. Many gossips that lead to malice and enmity could be avoided if you could just control the tongue. While you’re calling negativity into existence in your life don’t forget that it takes just about the same effort to declare positive things to yourself. Instead of saying that you may never get a job because you don’t have connections, try saying that you know the one who has the hearts of kings in his hands. Instead of saying that you may never make it in life, try saying that you are a success.

Many wildfires have resulted from the tongue and many erudder 2nraged hearts have been calmed by the tongue. The same tongue produces both bitter and sweet waters. Every disciplined person must master the control of his tongue. To succeed in your faith and in all in life activities, the tongue must be made to speak not just the things that are evident but to call forth the things that are not yet in existence.

If a vessel that large could be controlled by something as small as a rudder, how much more human beings like us? You see, we all have that little rudder in us.  These verses caution us to control the tongue pretty much the same way a rider puts a bridle on his horse. If we can control our tongues we would be controlled in every other way. So you want to be the femmetotale, put a bridle on your tongue and put your rudder to action.

Femmetotale

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This Little Rudder in Me

Cropped image of woman clenching teeth

Here’s a little inspiration for every Christian young woman. I consider myself to be quite an adventurous person. I haven’t climbed Mount Everest before, gone hiking or bungee jumping but I just might do so, if I get the opportunity one day (not climbing Everest though) all for the purpose of being able to say I did something for the first time. So, adventurous me decided to jump into an expedition one day and that’s what gave me an insight into the little rudder in me. Are you eager to know what happened? Okay, walk with me patiently and I’ll get right to it.

I was in Bayelsa, every normal person in Nigeria would know where that is (or at least know that that’s where the bulk of the oil comes from) even if they’ve never been there. I was visiting with my sister and I had been there for a week with no ‘action’… lol. She was working long hours and adventurous me needed to get a feel of the place. Eventually, we got a native to take me on a boat ride so that I could at least say I saw the rivers in Bayelsa, yaay!!!

Okay, three questions any normal person would want to ask me; 1. Did I know how to swim? 2. Did I know the native guide? 3. Did I know where we were going? The answer to all three questions was no. I don’t need to know a guide very well or where we are going before going on an adventure, do I? That’s why it is called an adventure folks. The only funny part was that I didn’t know the first thing about swimming. I mean, I had tried to hold my breath while submerged in a bathtub for close to ten seconds before… shouldn’t that suffice?

Anyway, finally, we got to the dock (they actually just called it a park) and I paid for a private boat. We kind of like just hired the boat for one hour. I didn’t plan to stay longer than that. My first major challenge was stepping into the boat. I couldn’t figure out why the thing just kept floating on the water. How was anybody supposed to step into something that wasn’t stable? I don’t know how I did it but I finally made it into the boat and sat down. Then we moved. Slowly at first and then a little faster. The guide pointed out landmarks or should I call it watermarks? We saw natives bringing out white sand from the depths of the river. I was really amazed at how some of them could stay for at least two minutes under water without surfacing. The guide told me that some of them could even stay for two hours under the water… hmmm I didn’t bother telling him it wasn’t possible. He really believed what he was saying. He showed me the petrol stations on the river and people doing their traditional oil business in the water (you know what I mean). I also saw company boats belonging to major oil companies transporting their workers, all with their life vests on. I asked my guide why we weren’t wearing any. He laughed and said I didn’t ask and besides it wouldn’t be needed. We weren’t getting deep into the high seas. That was when it happened. The engine of the boat went silent. I tried not to panic. The driver/pilot tried restarting it but it wouldn’t budge. The gasoline had finished. The guide told me not to worry that the driver would get from another boat driver so I should just concentrate on the view. It wasn’t much of a view though, just a couple other boats passing us and men entering the water for white sand. Then I saw it.

I first noticed that the waves in the water were looking heavier than ever. Then there was the low drumming sound and a loud horn. A large vessel was approaching. It was really gigantic and made me think of Titanic (without the love scenes and Celine Dior’s magical voice of course). The waves were practically rocking our small boat to and fro. The guide seemed a bit worried. He said our boat had to be moved out of the way or the waves from the large vessel would make us capsize. That was when I knew I had to make some serious prayers. There was no way I was going to test how many seconds I could last under water in that kind of panic situation. I had to remind myself that I was the Femmetotale.

To be continued…

NB: If you were inspired by this post, don’t just read and smile :D . Get involved! Share on your social networks, facebook and twitter. You never know whose life you’re going to help change.

The two legged thing

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I absolutely love dresses. Anytime any day, I’m your girl when it comes to buying frocks, you know the LBD, the LPD, the LRD, the LWD and all the other LDs in all kinds of beautiful styles. What’s with the eye rolling? Ask me nicely if you can’t figure it out and without doing too much shakara I’ll just tell you that LD means little dress. Just change the B to black, the P to pink (by the way that’s my favourite), the R to red and the W to white and we’re all good.

I love dressing up and having my mirror assure me that I look good before I step out of the house. Looking good is the first step to feeling good. I would say ‘it’s a girl thing,’ but then you already know that. 😉 Women’s love for dressing up did not start today and neither did it start in the last century. It has always been in existence. People have now adapted dressing up from just being a necessity to a favourite activity and a multi-billion dollar industry. Dressing up is not just about covering your nakedness. It’s now about looking fantastic while you’re at it.

Every year or so new trends arise. Some girls would give a tooth and a half just to keep up with the going trend. You don’t want to walk into an event wearing anything short of what is en vogue. For me, although I’m not particularly willing to give up half a tooth just to look beautiful, I’m all about looking and feeling good. I love dresses and I also love wearing the two legged thing.

About the two legged thing called trousers or pants, I like to ask time and time again, what’s really wrong with it? A while ago, I heard the croaky voice of a MOG over broken speakers shouting to his congregation that God said wearing trousers is a sin. He directed his members to look into the bible and they would see it there. I never heard him mention the particular chapter or verse where it was. I just laughed to myself, feeling sorry for the people listening to him. I’ve trained myself to not just take things hook, line and sinker. I need to see proof and if his proof of that directive from God has anything to do with Deut 22:5 which says that ‘The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God,’ then I’ll have to ask him to please not restrict himself to that verse alone. He should read down to the very end of that chapter and discover some other unbelievable directives in the bible times. Without getting into the debate of what constitutes male clothing and that of women (because I’ve seen Scottish men in skirts) I’ll just highlight some major points in that chapter.

Some of those things were relevant for the people of that time. And that’s just what it is. For instance look at vs 11 that says people should not wear garments made of divers sorts such as wool and linen interwoven. How does that apply to present circumstances? Do you even know the materials the dress you’re wearing right now are made of? What about vs 22 that says adulterers should be stoned to death? Did Jesus not challenge the accusers that he that has no sin should be the first to cast a stone? How about vs: 28 & 29  that forces a girl that was raped to marry her rapist? Who would to marry a rapist just because of a law? Haven’t the laws of most countries evolved to enforce jail term for rapists?

We need to stop making light of the effect of the cross and realize that Jesus fulfilled the law with his death on the cross. I don’t know about you but since I know I cannot stop myself from wearing a dress made from wool and linen, I might as well wear the two-legged thing I love so much. What do you think?

Femmetotale

So you’re a divalicious diva…so what?

black_diva

Talk about being in the spotlight, you’re that charming lady who’s always the centre of attention. Your hair is always perfect, you diction is just right and when you walk by everybody stops in their tracks to watch you. Your grades are impeccable, you always look so chic and even those that say they hate you feel flattered when you stop to talk to them. In one word, you’re a diva and you know it.

You’re that girl everybody wants to be like. You can get away with just about anything. When you tell lurid jokes everybody laughs and when you say that something is not good enough then that’s exactly what it is. People clamour to be friends with you and the select few that are allowed to roll with you are the envy of others. In the school of public opinion, you’re the hottest girl around. Everything about you is just on point. You’re beauty and brains. They say God must have been partial to you. They say you’re beautiful and vain but you shrug and say it’s not your fault God made you that way.

Yes, he did make you that way and then gave you a well sculptured nose for you to look down on people you believe you’re better than. He probably also made you smarter than everyone else, made you the prettiest and on top of that gave you the diva complex you now walk around with because you deserve it.

For you, everything is perfect. You’re living the perfect life or so everyone thinks because when the chips are down and the lights are out you crawl into bed and realize you are all alone. You’re that vulnerable little girl, hoping to have a friend who loves you for you and not for the facade you portray to the world. You know within you that you’re far from perfect and you’re battling with the same insecurities everyone else has. But then, that’s just for the night cos the next morning, you’ll be up again, smiling like an Arabian princess and making people question God for not making them you.

So you’re like the most beautiful girl God created in your generation and you think that’s enough? There’s only one thing that can truly make your beauty last. Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-GOD. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises! Prov. 31:30 (MSG). So you want to be a divalicious diva… Be the God-kind of diva?

Femmetotale

 

About girls and their naked hobbies

kelly-rowland

It just keeps popping out at you everywhere. You don’t even need to be looking. Out in the streets, TV programmes, movies, pictures on the internet, facebook, tumblr, and this must be the worst…twitter. It’s like some naked frenzy has hit us with the rise of social media. There’s no controlling it. In fact, these days, I’m beyond mortified when they pop out at me.

So what am I going on about? Let me put it this way. I like checking out twitter cos of the plenty news flashes and gists I get on twitter. You know these days the fastest way to get info on what’s happening is by checking twitter updates (who knew gossiping could make such a lucrative career?) as often as possible. Like seriously, I once called my sis to ask her what was happening in her area cos I had just head of some fracas going on there. She was pretty surprised and was like, “How come you’ve already heard about something that is just happening now?” Well, I was just a lil bit cocky when I said, “The world is now a global village, you know and I’m very Y2K compliant.”

That day, I was just innocently going through the Avatars of some people on twitter (don’t ask me if I was that bored cos I sincerely was) when I saw something that left me feeling so scandalized. It’s this new found hobby some girls now have. Taking nude pictures of yourself is one but putting them up on the internet…hmm! It’s like there some kind of naked competition going on and someone is like I can be more naked than you on the internet. I mean, I don’t watch porn and I don’t go seeking out porn-like stuff to watch. In fact, porn is even very different because it usually involves people you may never get to meet in your life but to see the naked picture of someone I may know is beyond scandalizing and mentally scarring. Ladies, abeg naa help us! It’s bad enough that many walk the streets half nude but… putting this stuff on the internet with your face completely exposed? Please don’t ask me to elaborate more on what I saw in the picture. Let me just say that you would pass out if you were to see a picture of your daughter looking like that.

Someone said some of those pictures are private pictures that were leaked on the internet by someone who wanted to deal with the girl involved. Some others were taken in the name of having fun and sent to their boyfriends and somehow got leaked and of course there are still some that were taken with the full intent of posting them on the internet for people to see. And I’m like can’t these girls think beyond their youthful days to the times they will be mothers and grand-mothers? What about their immediate future when some of them will be searching for jobs? Do you know that a lot of employers now check out potential employees first on the internet before they recruit?

I was doing some research for my academic work and in the process I read about online profiling. Your profile can be built by someone who has never seen you before just by following your pattern of surfing the net through the use of cookies and your IP address. Everything you do on the internet is recorded somewhere. You may say that why would anybody want to go that far to find out who you are but even your profile on facebook says a lot about who you are. At least I know how many times I’ve checked out potential employees on facebook. The stuff you put up on twitter and other social media also matter.

Someone is thinking, what’s the big deal? You can’t cry over something that is bigger than you. I’m one of those people that may turn a blind eye to some of these things and keep mum but mehn…ah ah e don too much naa.

So, if you’re one of those that have naked hobbies please think of the future especially if you’re still single and unemployed. Abeg find something more worthwhile to do.

Femmetotale.

You can read up more about building a Clean Online Personality for your dream job here.

I’d like to know what you think too. Just leave me your comments in the comment box. ciao!

Just a little Toxin

toxins

“Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

You know what toxins are? They are those little substances you introduce into your system whether knowingly or by chance. Sometimes they may seem harmless, just a bunch of substances that may be ejected from your system when ‘you do your thing’ later on. There are also other toxins that are introduced into your system, not by you this time but by other people around you. The funny thing is that you might never even know when those toxins get into your system and cloud up your mind, your heart, your blood vessels and shoot up your blood pressure. Don’t act so shocked, you’re guilty of spreading these toxins to others too. So, these toxins are just jumping around waiting for whose body to accumulate in until they form a large army strong enough to bring a hefty man down to the ground.

Just before you start wondering what I’m rambling about or if I’ve suddenly acquired a degree in medicine let me paint a little picture of how much these toxins affect our lives even without our knowing it. Early in the morning, you’re all dressed and ready to start the day suddenly you can’t find your shoes. You’re so certain you took it off at the door of your room and your first suspect is your sister who denies seeing it. Since you don’t want to be late, you pull out the next option which is your least favourite pair and storm out of the house. You have a presentation to make that day and feel you would have been more confident in that pair of shoe you couldn’t find. You got on a bus to go to work and because you’re still very angry with your sis for denying taking your shoes, you don’t even notice when you step on someone’s feet. He erupts like an enraged bull, ready to charge at you with his large horns. He calls you all sorts of derogatory names (ashewo, to start with), abusing your mother, your father, your grand and great grand-parents.  You apologize, wondering why he’s so angry. You didn’t even march him with your stiletto heels which you would have worn that morning if your sister hadn’t hidden it. You didn’t see the pain in his eyes or the brokenness in his face due to the disappointing call he just got that morning. His friend that was supposed to lend him money had disappointed him. He used to be an easy going person before he lost his job in a bank due to the recapitalization policy that affected his employers. Now, he just doesn’t care who he vents his anger on. He’s at war with the whole world. On your own part, you are so sure your day has been poisoned by his reaction. In fact, the period within which you were searching for your shoes was the prelude that ushered in the disasters for that day, never mind that his reaction may have been worse if you had worn the stilettos you couldn’t find that morning. Your toxins were already accumulating before he dumped his extra on you. Later that night when you get home, your sister meets you at the door with the pair of shoes in her hand. She had found it at the back door. Then you remember that you had been so tired the evening you last wore those shoes that you flung them off at the back door, eager to get to your room and sleep.

Do you get the picture now? Do you see how toxins come into our lives sometimes with little or no efforts from us? It’s just crazy how we stir up stress in our lives. I once told a friend that we’ll be amazed how high our blood pressure could get over some insignificant things. Many people are hurting or in trouble and are seeking for whom to transfer their aggressions on. It hits you everywhere as long as you make some sort of human interaction. It could be from that market woman that abused you when you were bargaining with her. You had no way of knowing that her husband had brought in a second wife into her house the day before. Maybe it was that security man that banged the gate in your face before you could tell him the name of the person you wanted to visit in his office. You had no way of knowing that he had not been paid his salary for three months. Or maybe it was the girl at the fast-food joint that kept attending to people behind you while you tried without success to get her to attend to you and you became really maaad. You had no way of knowing that she had been on her feet all day and had not eating anything since the night before, and there you were looking like you didn’t have a care in the world. I could go on and on but I’m sure you can even think of one toxin that had been dumped on you today.

A popular adage says that you can’t stop a bird from flying over your head but you can prevent it from perching on your head. We can’t always stop people from transferring their toxins on us but we sure can stop those toxins from sitting in our minds. I know it’s annoying to have someone rain abuses on you for stepping on his foot especially when you’ve apologized sincerely. If you’re the emotional type it may even make you cry and it can mess up your whole day. As for me, I always try to remind myself that there is nothing I can do about what someone does to me. I can only deal with how I react. So these days, I’m quick to notice when I’m allowing toxins to build up in my system over irrelevant things. I’m also quick to detect when someone is dumping her toxins on me and I try as much as possible to avoid it. So the next time anyone wants to dump his toxins on me, I’m going to smile and smile and smile until the devil is so mad he decides to burst out from hell…lol…no fear… that won’t happen until we’re in heaven.

Have a toxin-free day!

Femmetotale