More, more, more and more again

shopping  girl

There are three things that are never satisfied, no four…

It was that time of the year again, you know, that time for thorough house clean-up. The night before, I had eaten a double helping in preparation for the hard work I was going to engage in the next morning. My work tools were all lined up and my music player was blaring Sinach’s album (sorry neighbours…I know it may have been a tad too loud but…you know now*sheepish grin*). So anyway, I did a thorough sweeping of the rooms, lifting everything I could lift and then I got to the mopping part.

Afterwards, I started arranging things in my rooms. I took time to clean out my wardrobe and fold only the things I felt were still useful to me. One after the other, I flung out old clothes, shoes, bags, empty cosmetic containers, empty perfume bottles (please don’t ask me why I keep empty perfume bottles) and other stuff that I couldn’t remember what they were for, anyway.

I took time to look at some of the dresses I was discarding. That was when it struck me. There was the bright yellow dress I loved so much. I could remember seeing it on a mannequin outside a boutique I used to pass on my way home. I had immediately gone into the boutique and tried it on, to discover that it was a perfect fit. I could remember how many sleepless nights I had when I saw the price tag and knew that I couldn’t afford it. I can still hear myself praying to God earnestly, that no one else should buy it until I finally put the money together. Then there was the lovely black sequined cropped jacket amongst the heap of clothes I wanted to discard. I could remember almost fighting with my sister when I discovered that she also had an interest in it. We had gone shopping together and frankly, I can’t remember who saw it first. On and on the list goes. Was it the cute stiletto heeled shoes that it’s heel had come off shortly after I bought it or the red tote bag I had loved so much? Some of them were either no longer in vogue or spoiled or too old for use.

I heaved a sigh as I sat staring at my (once) lovely things. I could remember how much I had longed for some of them before they became mine, like the yellow dress and all I could think about was, ‘more more more and more’…lol. I started to feel like the leech in the book of Proverbs. Prov 30: 15-16.

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You need to read it for yourself and laugh along with me. I wish I wouldn’t get so worked up about the things I want and just be content with what I have. Contentment seems to be something that constantly eludes we humans. The more we acquire, the more our needs increase. I can remember thinking that if I could earn more money then perhaps I’ll be able to meet all my needs….lol is it possible? When my earnings increased, my needs or should I say wants also increased. I finally came up with a solution. Since I’m not going to be able to stop wanting more, maybe I could try to give others too. So every time I over-shop I try to give out part of my earnings too. that way I ensure that I am not over indulging my selfish desires. I wish I could turn a blind eye to some of the beautiful things that beckon to me from shop displays as I walk on by. Maybe one day I will but until then… I can’t wait to do my next shopping **winks*.

Cheers

Femmetotale

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First Impressions

first_impressions

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you meet someone?

It’s happened to you, it’s happened to me countless times, it’s happened to everyone before. For some inexplicable reason I might just find myself disliking someone the very first time we meet. Call it prejudice or whatever but human beings are first attracted to good things. Enlightened minds know how true it is when people say, the way you dress is the way you will be addressed. No one needs to tell you to wear a neat suit when attending an interview even if it is the only thing you have or you have to borrow it. Nobody needs to remind you that you must dress in your best outfit on the day you have an appointment with the Governor of your state. In fact, you may even use your last dime to purchase a new suit just for that occasion. Your appearance opens doors for you or at least gets your foot in the door.

I witnessed a hilarious scene where a driver who was dressed in an expensive looking agbada was led to the High table and offered a seat there, with a lot of “Welcome sir,” from well dressed men who were practically bowing to greet him. I also witnessed, on another wedding, a driver who was barred from entering the reception venue by bouncers simply because he was poorly dressed. No plea was sufficient to make the bouncers let him in. Two men in the same calibre, different impressions. You may say that it doesn’t matter, after all it is what you have on the inside that matters but then when and how will you get that opportunity to show what you have on the inside?

Apart from dressing (cos dressing only grants you an opportunity by opening the door for you) it is also important that when you open your mouth to speak, you must maintain the good impression about yourself that your dressing may have projected. If you find that you are poor in presenting yourself to people then it is not too late for you to ask God for wisdom and guidance – James 1:5-6. For instance, when you walk into a place and the door is opened to you, you have only a few minutes to determine if the person is going to listen to you or if your journey will end there. I was much impressed by Joseph in Genesis 41: 14 where Joseph was brought out of prison to interpret Pharaoh’s dream. He had the good sense to first clean himself up, shave his beard and wear clean clothes before appearing before Pharaoh. Now, he not only appeared neatly but exercised wisdom. Someone else might have immediately started talking about the injustice he received at the hands of his brothers and Portiphar’s wife but he was wise enough to first deal with more important things that would gain him a place in Pharaoh’s heart.

I know first impressions are not always accurate but most times people form their opinions about you from the very first impression they get. There are some people who may never speak to you in this life but will refer to you based on that impression they got about you.

If you know nothing else know that as the light of the world, your behaviour, character and attitude speak louder than words. So if you want to be the Femmetotale then make your first impressions count.

Femmetotale….

Our own worst enemies

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Ladies, if someone were to ask you who your worst enemy is (and please I’m not talking about the general enemy here, you know the one that is always accusing us and plotting evil against us) what would your answer be? Don’t think too hard please…or not cos I bet someone reading this has five major enemies at her fingertips to list here and now (by the way, if that person is you then you bera repent *in my meanest voice*). Anyway, I happen to know who our worst enemies are and I mean our worst common enemies.

When they pass us by, we admire their outfits while inwardly coveting those outfits and wishing their zippers would just snap or the dress would suddenly tear and embarrass them. We can’t help loving those gorgeous shoes on them but we also can’t help wishing they’d trip on a stone or miss a step and fall. We pretend they are our friends but we are quick to judge them the moment any issue arises. When they get a promotion, we join our voices to that of the men and say they must have slept with their bosses for that. When they lose their husbands, we’re not ashamed to say that there’s a possibility she may have caused his death and so she must perform all the customary rites of drinking water with which his corpse was bathed or shave her hair off or any other disgusting thing she may be asked to do.

I’m sure by now we all know who this common enemy is…ourselves. I mean ladies we need to not hate people of the same gender so much. While we are busy hating on each other, the men are busy helping each other. You see the man stand by while two girls fight each other for stealing their man, forgetting that the other girl is often not to blame. We talk about equal opportunities for women but…. really? Is it not the same women that refuse to employ other women because they are afraid some other woman will climb up the career ladder and start rubbing shoulders with them? Is it not the same women that are quick to berate another woman for standing up for herself against a man when she dares to speak out in her own defense? Is it not the same women that sit in the church pews looking down their holy noses at a young lady who wore jeans to church forgetting that Jesus accepted Mary as his disciple, with all her sinfulness and inadequacy. Have you ever noticed the reaction when a lady walks into a gathering only to find another lady wearing the same outfit as hers? hmm…

women enmity

We need to start loving each others more or at least become more accepting of fellow women. I’m guilty of this too cos well, I’m human and jealousy seems to run in the female blood naturally although we try to overcome it with the knowledge of who we are in Christ. That lady in the gorgeous shoes is not a threat to you. If you think she’s getting all the male attention then please go and buy yours and if you can’t afford it then maybe this is the time to learn to be content with what you have! It’s important to admire and celebrate other women instead of alienating them with your jealousy. Who knows, that lady might turn out to be your best friend or your sister-in-law tomorrow.

Femmetotale…

That thing everyone is saying about you

that thing about you

You know you’re that kind of person and everyone knows that you’re that kind of person and you don’t understand why they just don’t get it. You are you and can never be anyone else. It’s just who you are. Being the most knowledgeable person in your circles, having the best ideas, taking charge of any situation and being the leader, It’s just you. You were born that way. In fact, at birth, you were probably directing the nurses and doctors on how to assist in your arrival, where to place you and how to carry you. Somehow, somehow, you just happen to ‘know it all’. At some point your siblings just stopped bothering to tell u stuff cos you always replied with a curt, ‘I already know.’ Your teachers, some admired the fact that they didn’t have to expend so much energy teaching you cos you always grasped it just as fast, others thought you were too haughty and wished they could just fail you without seeming petty.

Now you’re all grown and whenever you walk into a gathering or join a group and someone pitches an idea, you always have a better idea of how it should be done. You are such a smart person and you believe everyone should acknowledge that. You believe you were made for the front seat, your opinions are consistently sound and you are always right. Then one day you start to notice the faces, the looks, the sneers and snickers. They don’t protest against your ideas. They don’t even reject them, it’s obvious they’re just irritated that you’re always the one giving them. Well, you’re okay with it. Afterall, geniuses must be treated that way all the time. Then one day, it goes beyond the snickers. Someone actually hisses and makes a comment under her breath when you speak and the others laugh. You are so certain it was about you and feel confused. Could it be that you have food stains on your dress from the lunch you just had. A quick check reveals none and you continue speaking. Shortly after that you ask your colleague to pass you a pen and she throws it on the floor instead. Her face is an open show of disgust. It doesn’t end there. You are suddenly left out at meetings. They claim they must have forgotten to send you a memo or that it must have been swept away by the cleaners or that you saw it but pretended you didn’t. You feel like there’s a conspiracy against you and they are ganging up against you. You can’t even complain to your boss cos you’ve made him look like a fool before his superiors by pointing out his error in front of them. The hot hate glances he shoots your way tell you that he’s just waiting for an opportunity to deal with you. Still you can’t help being you. They just have to deal with it.

Really? You can’t help being you? As in you were born that way? Your brain was all matured and formed to know it all? Please, please and please no one was born the way they are. We were all formed bit by bit by our experiences, environment, family and the informations we picked up as we grew. You weren’t born that way. It may be a fact that somehow you had such tendencies but consciously you allowed it to be. While it is okay for you to be a ‘leader type’ and you like to be in charge, you must also learn to read circumstances and pick vibes. It is not okay to keep talking when you know that you are causing trouble with your words. Sometimes you need to keep quiet – Prov 10:19. The words of wise men are heard in the quiet more than the cry of him that ruleth among fools – Eccl 9:17. A wise person is often called upon to speak cos his words are kown to be precious. You can stop being the annoying you and become a better person. Instead of being the one to come up with ideas all the time, you can try to listen to others too and give them the benefit of the doubt that they have something to offer. You may even be able to compare what they are saying with your ideas and come up with something better.

Femmetotale

No fashion weaponed against me…

fashion

Yesterday, I saw a very wonderful and inspirational sight. You want to know what I saw? I was on my way out of a supermarket, mentally dreading stepping out of the A-Ced hall into the bright and harsh sunlight but the sight that greeted me was even more dreadful than the hot sun. She was wearing a pair of bright orange trousers with a purple, blue and lemon green long sleeved shirt and a yellow handbag. Her shoes were lovely though, except that they were red. As I stared at her in stunned disbelief, all I could think about was ‘no fashion weaponed against me!’

Fashion is a wonderful phenomenon. It has been in existence for ages and there is nothing bad about it. Fashion is fun and exciting especially for the young people who love to flow with the trends. A major fact about fashion is that it evolves. New trends arise every now and then and old trends are modified. A trend may only last for a while before another takes its place so every young person wants to be in the know before it fades. What was in vogue three years ago may become a fashion faux pas today (please feel free to use a dictionary, thank you).  I remember those wonderful days of shoulder pads, hipsters, pedal pushers, lycra skirts, etc. Those days are gone. You don’t want to be caught dead in hipsters with slits at the sides now Even good old fashioned plain cut jeans are now for the nerds. Na skinny jeans dey reign now.

Staring at the girl that day, I couldn’t help wondering how many people know the meaning of colour blocking or even the meaning of fashion to start with. Fashion is defined as a prevailing custom or style of dressing, etiquette, socializing, etc. However, I define fashion as a personal expression of art cos believe me, no matter how much a style is in vogue, if you cannot adapt it to your person you will only end up as a joke. With information at your finger tips there’s no reason why you shouldn’t get it right. So please here are three important tips for fashion:

  • If it doesn’t fit, don’t wear it
  • If it’s not comfortable, don’t wear it
  • If it can’t be adapted to suit your personality, then please don’t wear it.

Most importantly, fashion is art and not everyone is artistic. It either flows naturally or it can be learned. While it’s nice to wear what is in vogue, you should also try to understand it before you do. For instance if that girl understood the meaning of colour-blocking, then she wouldn’t be caught dead in orange, purple, lemon green, blue yellow and red. Did our mother’s waste their time teaching us what colours go with which or what? Basically colour blocking means when an outfit is composed of finite blocks of colour. That means either you wear three shades of the same colour or different colours that match with a different colour of accessory or colours that are next to each other on a colour pallete (eg green and yellow in matching shades of course). There’s no reason bright orange, purple and red should go together. I mean, is it now colour blocking or ‘colour clashing?’

Talking about fashion and weapons, I’m now beginning to think that some kinds of fashion have turned into weapons of chaos cos I don’t see how you can have a peaceful day dressed in such clashing colours. Fashion is about art so please if it is not artistic, don’t wear it and if you want to be a femmetotale you need to stand out positively.

Femmetotale…

Menscapade

Memoirs of a single christian chic…

Is it the computer or jet age thingy or the fact that everything has just changed, or the world coming to an end or what?

First of all, take a long hard look at this picture and please don’t laugh too much!

crazy guys
Yes oh! Guys are now sooo into the sagging/drop waist fashion. It is no longer for women only. Anyway, that is not what my post is about. I’m just getting your mind ready for it. The fact is that the world is radically different from what it was a decade ago. And I’m not just talking about science and technology. I’m talking about the human components themselves. Societies have changed, people have changed, even culture has evolved. Things have really changed. What was unheard of in the past is now normal. Hmm….men and their menscapades. I mean…just take another look at that picture.

Ok, down to the juicy part, this single chic decided to go on a little field trip, step out of her comfort zone and embark on some menscapades. Still trying to figure out what that means??? Abeg no fall my hand…just separate the two words – men and escapades…get the meaning now? Anyway, I’ve always lived a simple christian life, letting people know who I am…a serious don’t-mess-around-chic who’s got values and principles. Recently, I decided to loosen up a bit you know, do all the colour blocking, gum chewing, batting of false eyelashes and tomato red lips thingy. Hehehehehe… those that know me are seriously wondering how true it is, just wait till you hear the menscapade part before your eyes get wider than saucepans and don’t ask me if it was one of my new year resolutions. Okay, as part of the loosening up, I decided to start smiling at everybody that says hello to me…yea normal chics do that right? Anyways, the result was alarming and gave me the inspiration for this topic. I shudder as I write this and I’m tempted to say men…tufiakwa! You mean things like this happen in the world?

black-man-cheating

Ok, the gist… A man walked into my colleague’s office while I was using his computer and I offered him a seat to await my colleague’s return from lunch. It was all good at first and while I was pretending to be very busy (though I was in fact playing zuma…my favourite game), he started chatting with me. Well, I smiled politely and answered him each time. Then he asked for my number and I gave it to him. I saw the look, I had my suspicion but I decided to ignore it, after all it was supposed to be official. In fact I forgot all about it until later that evening when I received a call from him. He started rambling about how he saw me and decided that I was just right for him and he would like to have me. Na normal gist abi? Wait for it…

Trust me, maybe it is my training but I always like to not assume things so I had to ask…’You want to have me? Exactly what do you mean?’ And he said, ‘you know now…you are a matured lady. I just want you to come to my house let us have fun together. Don’t worry, I will treat you very well and do wonderful things to you, you will enjoy me.’

WHAT! Ding…ding…ding…ding…this one no be laughing matter oh. I can just imagine my sister shouting ‘Holy Ghost ei! You mean men are becoming this bold? That brought me to the next question, ‘Ah! Ah! Are you not a married man sir?’ (Yea, now you know why this is making headlines) And he said, ‘forget about that one. That is not the issue. The fact is that I am lonely and I need you to help me. Please just do this thing for me…I can’t wait to have you…I promise you will enjoy me…I will take care of you’. So, politely, I said to him, ‘I’m sorry sir but I’m not that kind of girl. I am decent and I do not indulge in such.’ And he said, ‘I know. That is why I want you. I don’t want all these girls that are available, offering themselves to me. You are very decent and that is why I want you.’ My mouth was just as agape as yours.

Is someone wondering why I was still on the phone for close to an hour with him? Well, I guess I may have been in too much shock. In fact my fingers were numb and I only revived them long enough to put it on mute and activate the speakerphone. It had the desired effect cos he kept cutting the line himself, calling back and apologizing for the network failure to my amusement.

I’m still shaking my head in disbelief. I say the world is coming to an end oh! This man was not even deterred by my decent dressing that day and by decent I mean I was wearing a three-quarters long black skirt and a pink long-sleeved shirt, decent but nice. It was quite disturbing to me. I don’t know whether it was the fact that he was not interested in honouring the life-long contract he signed up for with his wife or the boldness with which he stated his purpose that was more alarming. All I could think about was the wife somewhere raising their kids.

I guess I may have to delete the whole smiling and being nice thing from my new year resolutions. At least I would be saving myself a lot of headaches. How do the ‘aristos‘ manage abeg? Anyway, end of story…I cut him off on his second sentence when he called he the next day with, ‘I’m sorry sir but I have told you that I am not interested in any form of relationship with you. I will appreciate it if you don’t ever call my number again with such a proposition!’ (in my meanest voice) Chikina! It was that simple. That was the end of it!

NB: Do you have your own menscapades that you are willing to share? Please do so, let’s laugh along with you…lol

femmetotale…

The True Delilah Story

Have you met Delilah? Are you friends with her? Before you conclude that I must be nuts to be talking about someone who lived centuries ago, you’ve got to read this piece first. Most times when you hear the name Delilah, your first instinct is to hiss and spit and cringe at the thought of the evil woman who truncated Samson’s and nearly a whole nation’s destiny. If you suggest naming your daughter Delilah to someone she may even stare at you as if you have suddenly sprouted horns, meanwhile Delilah is a very lovely name. As in the name Delilah is synonymous with female guile and evil manipulations. Today, after reading the story of Delilah over again, I got a different insight on the woman called evil and a better understanding of how many Delilahs known by other names that we have in existence today.

Delilah was a very beautiful woman, attractive and self-seeking like many of us today. She didn’t bother about the consequences of her actions or the name she would forever smear with hatred and ridicule. It wasn’t a dent on her conscience to know that she was betraying a man who loved her enough to hand over all his power to her. It was just another good deal that had clicked. She was excited to hear how much she could make from her latest mugu, how many more designers clothes, shoes and handbags she could buy, how many latest perfumes and hairstyles she could spot with her payoff. Does she now sound familiar to you? Have you now remembered when you met her?

There was no gun to her head when she gave up her man. There was no threat on the lives of her family members. She simply saw a quick way of making money and she took it. Whatever name she is known by, Delilah is the woman who uses her feminine guile to manipulate men to whom she is not married for monetary gains (I should put that in a dictionary…lol). We do it every day, pouting and whining until he gives us the money for a new iphone, a new wardrobe, a new car, etc. Some have even succeeded in getting him to turn his wealth over to them. What right do you have to judge the sexy woman called Delilah when you are just as bad? ‘I didn’t force him,’ you say, oh yes, Delilah might as well only have told Samson that there would be no more *** for him until he told her what she wanted. Of course she didn’t force him. A woman doesn’t really need a gun. What caught my attention was the fact that she tricked him three times before he eventually gave up his secret. If only women could be more persistent at entrepreneurship the way we are persistent with Delilahship, we would have no need for women empowerment programmes.

So how many Delilah’s do you know and have you ever tried to talk them out of it? Don’t forget she could be your best friend, your neighbour or even you! Try a better way and turn a new leaf. Don’t end his destiny.

Dare to stand out…

Femmetotale

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