About girls and their naked hobbies

kelly-rowland

It just keeps popping out at you everywhere. You don’t even need to be looking. Out in the streets, TV programmes, movies, pictures on the internet, facebook, tumblr, and this must be the worst…twitter. It’s like some naked frenzy has hit us with the rise of social media. There’s no controlling it. In fact, these days, I’m beyond mortified when they pop out at me.

So what am I going on about? Let me put it this way. I like checking out twitter cos of the plenty news flashes and gists I get on twitter. You know these days the fastest way to get info on what’s happening is by checking twitter updates (who knew gossiping could make such a lucrative career?) as often as possible. Like seriously, I once called my sis to ask her what was happening in her area cos I had just head of some fracas going on there. She was pretty surprised and was like, “How come you’ve already heard about something that is just happening now?” Well, I was just a lil bit cocky when I said, “The world is now a global village, you know and I’m very Y2K compliant.”

That day, I was just innocently going through the Avatars of some people on twitter (don’t ask me if I was that bored cos I sincerely was) when I saw something that left me feeling so scandalized. It’s this new found hobby some girls now have. Taking nude pictures of yourself is one but putting them up on the internet…hmm! It’s like there some kind of naked competition going on and someone is like I can be more naked than you on the internet. I mean, I don’t watch porn and I don’t go seeking out porn-like stuff to watch. In fact, porn is even very different because it usually involves people you may never get to meet in your life but to see the naked picture of someone I may know is beyond scandalizing and mentally scarring. Ladies, abeg naa help us! It’s bad enough that many walk the streets half nude but… putting this stuff on the internet with your face completely exposed? Please don’t ask me to elaborate more on what I saw in the picture. Let me just say that you would pass out if you were to see a picture of your daughter looking like that.

Someone said some of those pictures are private pictures that were leaked on the internet by someone who wanted to deal with the girl involved. Some others were taken in the name of having fun and sent to their boyfriends and somehow got leaked and of course there are still some that were taken with the full intent of posting them on the internet for people to see. And I’m like can’t these girls think beyond their youthful days to the times they will be mothers and grand-mothers? What about their immediate future when some of them will be searching for jobs? Do you know that a lot of employers now check out potential employees first on the internet before they recruit?

I was doing some research for my academic work and in the process I read about online profiling. Your profile can be built by someone who has never seen you before just by following your pattern of surfing the net through the use of cookies and your IP address. Everything you do on the internet is recorded somewhere. You may say that why would anybody want to go that far to find out who you are but even your profile on facebook says a lot about who you are. At least I know how many times I’ve checked out potential employees on facebook. The stuff you put up on twitter and other social media also matter.

Someone is thinking, what’s the big deal? You can’t cry over something that is bigger than you. I’m one of those people that may turn a blind eye to some of these things and keep mum but mehn…ah ah e don too much naa.

So, if you’re one of those that have naked hobbies please think of the future especially if you’re still single and unemployed. Abeg find something more worthwhile to do.

Femmetotale.

You can read up more about building a Clean Online Personality for your dream job here.

I’d like to know what you think too. Just leave me your comments in the comment box. ciao!

Just a little Toxin

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“Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

You know what toxins are? They are those little substances you introduce into your system whether knowingly or by chance. Sometimes they may seem harmless, just a bunch of substances that may be ejected from your system when ‘you do your thing’ later on. There are also other toxins that are introduced into your system, not by you this time but by other people around you. The funny thing is that you might never even know when those toxins get into your system and cloud up your mind, your heart, your blood vessels and shoot up your blood pressure. Don’t act so shocked, you’re guilty of spreading these toxins to others too. So, these toxins are just jumping around waiting for whose body to accumulate in until they form a large army strong enough to bring a hefty man down to the ground.

Just before you start wondering what I’m rambling about or if I’ve suddenly acquired a degree in medicine let me paint a little picture of how much these toxins affect our lives even without our knowing it. Early in the morning, you’re all dressed and ready to start the day suddenly you can’t find your shoes. You’re so certain you took it off at the door of your room and your first suspect is your sister who denies seeing it. Since you don’t want to be late, you pull out the next option which is your least favourite pair and storm out of the house. You have a presentation to make that day and feel you would have been more confident in that pair of shoe you couldn’t find. You got on a bus to go to work and because you’re still very angry with your sis for denying taking your shoes, you don’t even notice when you step on someone’s feet. He erupts like an enraged bull, ready to charge at you with his large horns. He calls you all sorts of derogatory names (ashewo, to start with), abusing your mother, your father, your grand and great grand-parents.  You apologize, wondering why he’s so angry. You didn’t even march him with your stiletto heels which you would have worn that morning if your sister hadn’t hidden it. You didn’t see the pain in his eyes or the brokenness in his face due to the disappointing call he just got that morning. His friend that was supposed to lend him money had disappointed him. He used to be an easy going person before he lost his job in a bank due to the recapitalization policy that affected his employers. Now, he just doesn’t care who he vents his anger on. He’s at war with the whole world. On your own part, you are so sure your day has been poisoned by his reaction. In fact, the period within which you were searching for your shoes was the prelude that ushered in the disasters for that day, never mind that his reaction may have been worse if you had worn the stilettos you couldn’t find that morning. Your toxins were already accumulating before he dumped his extra on you. Later that night when you get home, your sister meets you at the door with the pair of shoes in her hand. She had found it at the back door. Then you remember that you had been so tired the evening you last wore those shoes that you flung them off at the back door, eager to get to your room and sleep.

Do you get the picture now? Do you see how toxins come into our lives sometimes with little or no efforts from us? It’s just crazy how we stir up stress in our lives. I once told a friend that we’ll be amazed how high our blood pressure could get over some insignificant things. Many people are hurting or in trouble and are seeking for whom to transfer their aggressions on. It hits you everywhere as long as you make some sort of human interaction. It could be from that market woman that abused you when you were bargaining with her. You had no way of knowing that her husband had brought in a second wife into her house the day before. Maybe it was that security man that banged the gate in your face before you could tell him the name of the person you wanted to visit in his office. You had no way of knowing that he had not been paid his salary for three months. Or maybe it was the girl at the fast-food joint that kept attending to people behind you while you tried without success to get her to attend to you and you became really maaad. You had no way of knowing that she had been on her feet all day and had not eating anything since the night before, and there you were looking like you didn’t have a care in the world. I could go on and on but I’m sure you can even think of one toxin that had been dumped on you today.

A popular adage says that you can’t stop a bird from flying over your head but you can prevent it from perching on your head. We can’t always stop people from transferring their toxins on us but we sure can stop those toxins from sitting in our minds. I know it’s annoying to have someone rain abuses on you for stepping on his foot especially when you’ve apologized sincerely. If you’re the emotional type it may even make you cry and it can mess up your whole day. As for me, I always try to remind myself that there is nothing I can do about what someone does to me. I can only deal with how I react. So these days, I’m quick to notice when I’m allowing toxins to build up in my system over irrelevant things. I’m also quick to detect when someone is dumping her toxins on me and I try as much as possible to avoid it. So the next time anyone wants to dump his toxins on me, I’m going to smile and smile and smile until the devil is so mad he decides to burst out from hell…lol…no fear… that won’t happen until we’re in heaven.

Have a toxin-free day!

Femmetotale

More, more, more and more again

shopping  girl

There are three things that are never satisfied, no four…

It was that time of the year again, you know, that time for thorough house clean-up. The night before, I had eaten a double helping in preparation for the hard work I was going to engage in the next morning. My work tools were all lined up and my music player was blaring Sinach’s album (sorry neighbours…I know it may have been a tad too loud but…you know now*sheepish grin*). So anyway, I did a thorough sweeping of the rooms, lifting everything I could lift and then I got to the mopping part.

Afterwards, I started arranging things in my rooms. I took time to clean out my wardrobe and fold only the things I felt were still useful to me. One after the other, I flung out old clothes, shoes, bags, empty cosmetic containers, empty perfume bottles (please don’t ask me why I keep empty perfume bottles) and other stuff that I couldn’t remember what they were for, anyway.

I took time to look at some of the dresses I was discarding. That was when it struck me. There was the bright yellow dress I loved so much. I could remember seeing it on a mannequin outside a boutique I used to pass on my way home. I had immediately gone into the boutique and tried it on, to discover that it was a perfect fit. I could remember how many sleepless nights I had when I saw the price tag and knew that I couldn’t afford it. I can still hear myself praying to God earnestly, that no one else should buy it until I finally put the money together. Then there was the lovely black sequined cropped jacket amongst the heap of clothes I wanted to discard. I could remember almost fighting with my sister when I discovered that she also had an interest in it. We had gone shopping together and frankly, I can’t remember who saw it first. On and on the list goes. Was it the cute stiletto heeled shoes that it’s heel had come off shortly after I bought it or the red tote bag I had loved so much? Some of them were either no longer in vogue or spoiled or too old for use.

I heaved a sigh as I sat staring at my (once) lovely things. I could remember how much I had longed for some of them before they became mine, like the yellow dress and all I could think about was, ‘more more more and more’…lol. I started to feel like the leech in the book of Proverbs. Prov 30: 15-16.

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You need to read it for yourself and laugh along with me. I wish I wouldn’t get so worked up about the things I want and just be content with what I have. Contentment seems to be something that constantly eludes we humans. The more we acquire, the more our needs increase. I can remember thinking that if I could earn more money then perhaps I’ll be able to meet all my needs….lol is it possible? When my earnings increased, my needs or should I say wants also increased. I finally came up with a solution. Since I’m not going to be able to stop wanting more, maybe I could try to give others too. So every time I over-shop I try to give out part of my earnings too. that way I ensure that I am not over indulging my selfish desires. I wish I could turn a blind eye to some of the beautiful things that beckon to me from shop displays as I walk on by. Maybe one day I will but until then… I can’t wait to do my next shopping **winks*.

Cheers

Femmetotale

First Impressions

first_impressions

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you meet someone?

It’s happened to you, it’s happened to me countless times, it’s happened to everyone before. For some inexplicable reason I might just find myself disliking someone the very first time we meet. Call it prejudice or whatever but human beings are first attracted to good things. Enlightened minds know how true it is when people say, the way you dress is the way you will be addressed. No one needs to tell you to wear a neat suit when attending an interview even if it is the only thing you have or you have to borrow it. Nobody needs to remind you that you must dress in your best outfit on the day you have an appointment with the Governor of your state. In fact, you may even use your last dime to purchase a new suit just for that occasion. Your appearance opens doors for you or at least gets your foot in the door.

I witnessed a hilarious scene where a driver who was dressed in an expensive looking agbada was led to the High table and offered a seat there, with a lot of “Welcome sir,” from well dressed men who were practically bowing to greet him. I also witnessed, on another wedding, a driver who was barred from entering the reception venue by bouncers simply because he was poorly dressed. No plea was sufficient to make the bouncers let him in. Two men in the same calibre, different impressions. You may say that it doesn’t matter, after all it is what you have on the inside that matters but then when and how will you get that opportunity to show what you have on the inside?

Apart from dressing (cos dressing only grants you an opportunity by opening the door for you) it is also important that when you open your mouth to speak, you must maintain the good impression about yourself that your dressing may have projected. If you find that you are poor in presenting yourself to people then it is not too late for you to ask God for wisdom and guidance – James 1:5-6. For instance, when you walk into a place and the door is opened to you, you have only a few minutes to determine if the person is going to listen to you or if your journey will end there. I was much impressed by Joseph in Genesis 41: 14 where Joseph was brought out of prison to interpret Pharaoh’s dream. He had the good sense to first clean himself up, shave his beard and wear clean clothes before appearing before Pharaoh. Now, he not only appeared neatly but exercised wisdom. Someone else might have immediately started talking about the injustice he received at the hands of his brothers and Portiphar’s wife but he was wise enough to first deal with more important things that would gain him a place in Pharaoh’s heart.

I know first impressions are not always accurate but most times people form their opinions about you from the very first impression they get. There are some people who may never speak to you in this life but will refer to you based on that impression they got about you.

If you know nothing else know that as the light of the world, your behaviour, character and attitude speak louder than words. So if you want to be the Femmetotale then make your first impressions count.

Femmetotale….

Our own worst enemies

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Ladies, if someone were to ask you who your worst enemy is (and please I’m not talking about the general enemy here, you know the one that is always accusing us and plotting evil against us) what would your answer be? Don’t think too hard please…or not cos I bet someone reading this has five major enemies at her fingertips to list here and now (by the way, if that person is you then you bera repent *in my meanest voice*). Anyway, I happen to know who our worst enemies are and I mean our worst common enemies.

When they pass us by, we admire their outfits while inwardly coveting those outfits and wishing their zippers would just snap or the dress would suddenly tear and embarrass them. We can’t help loving those gorgeous shoes on them but we also can’t help wishing they’d trip on a stone or miss a step and fall. We pretend they are our friends but we are quick to judge them the moment any issue arises. When they get a promotion, we join our voices to that of the men and say they must have slept with their bosses for that. When they lose their husbands, we’re not ashamed to say that there’s a possibility she may have caused his death and so she must perform all the customary rites of drinking water with which his corpse was bathed or shave her hair off or any other disgusting thing she may be asked to do.

I’m sure by now we all know who this common enemy is…ourselves. I mean ladies we need to not hate people of the same gender so much. While we are busy hating on each other, the men are busy helping each other. You see the man stand by while two girls fight each other for stealing their man, forgetting that the other girl is often not to blame. We talk about equal opportunities for women but…. really? Is it not the same women that refuse to employ other women because they are afraid some other woman will climb up the career ladder and start rubbing shoulders with them? Is it not the same women that are quick to berate another woman for standing up for herself against a man when she dares to speak out in her own defense? Is it not the same women that sit in the church pews looking down their holy noses at a young lady who wore jeans to church forgetting that Jesus accepted Mary as his disciple, with all her sinfulness and inadequacy. Have you ever noticed the reaction when a lady walks into a gathering only to find another lady wearing the same outfit as hers? hmm…

women enmity

We need to start loving each others more or at least become more accepting of fellow women. I’m guilty of this too cos well, I’m human and jealousy seems to run in the female blood naturally although we try to overcome it with the knowledge of who we are in Christ. That lady in the gorgeous shoes is not a threat to you. If you think she’s getting all the male attention then please go and buy yours and if you can’t afford it then maybe this is the time to learn to be content with what you have! It’s important to admire and celebrate other women instead of alienating them with your jealousy. Who knows, that lady might turn out to be your best friend or your sister-in-law tomorrow.

Femmetotale…