Last first date – An Exciting Meet

Young Couple Drinking Wine

You all probably know by now how much I love hearing love stories, about how meeting a stranger blossoms into something beautiful and lasting. After all, every friend you have today was once a stranger but by sharing certain interests and getting involved in each other’s lives, that one-time stranger quickly becomes a part of your life.

I’m always interested in the ‘first meet’ part of every love story. It’s amazing to hear about how a man bumped into a lady and helped her pick up her books that fell and got scattered on the floor. One thing led to another and they fell in love and lived happily ever and after. I know I’ve seen that a lot in movies but does it happen in real life? I mean, out here in the real world we seem to meet that ‘special someone’ in least expected places like; on the road (under the scorching sun), or at the ATM point (where you were waiting impatiently for your turn) or….. the market. Okay, before I go spilling the beans again, my girl, Tosin met that ‘special someone’ at a least expected place and she dished it all right out to me. When I read her mail, I was just about to eat my fried yam and stew which I had been longing for all day. Here’s how it went. Hear it right from her. My own words are in brackets and italics.

Hi Femmetotale,

I commented on your post about the “last first date” and you asked me to share my experience and here it is.

This happened around 4yrs back when I was still in the University. I came around from school to visit my cousin in Ibadan. I cannot remember the incident word for word but I remember the encounter vividly. Biko! don’t laugh too much. (Ok, girl you know when you tell someone not to laugh too much it automatically gets them laughing. 🙂 )

My cousin had gone to work and I was left alone at home. I was so bored that I decided to spice up my day. I went to Sango market to buy some foodstuffs. I also decided to buy some CD’s at a stand and that was how I met this guy. (Oooooohhhh….this is the part I so love to hear about… how they met… I’m all ears!)

We got talking about movies. I realised he was an avid movie watcher just like me. He sounded so nice and we exchanged numbers. He called me the next day and this was when the drama started. While we were talking, something led to another and I told him I had not yet taken my bath. He scolded me and told me to go and bath joor.

Then the shocker came. He said, “I don’t want to go out with a smelling girl”. * Jaw drops* Did I hear this guy correctly? He just said I was smelling! (HUH? WHAT!!!!! Babes, I don’t think your jaw dropped as low as mine. Even my mum would scold my brothers for telling their sister that she’s smelling. It’s a big cultural ‘no no’)

Foolish me, I overlooked that language. I didn’t know it was a sign of more to come. We continued talking and we agreed to meet in an eatery. I cleaned up and got dressed, hoping to have fun with my new date. *rolling my eyes*. On getting to the eatery, I called him to come out to meet me but he asked me to come inside. I hate looking all around for my first dates in an unfamiliar place. (A guy I was talking to recently actually said that only a girl that doesn’t know her worth goes to search for the guy on a first date. He should be the one to come out and search. I didn’t particularly agree with him then but Tosin’s story is making me wish I had.) I insisted so he agreed to come out. He called me that he was outside but I couldn’t still see him. We kept talking on phone till I located him. Just before he dropped the call, I heard something like Olodo! Gbam! The second shocker! Olodo ke, I don enter am today! (Okay, at this point my jaw dropped so low that the yam I was about to eat fell out of my mouth. WHAT???)

We went inside, made our orders and settled down. Then another drama started.

# Part 1) He asked to see the contents of my purse and I refused. Then we started dragging my purse together and when I would not release it he became pissed. (No comments on this one. What was he hoping to see in the bag, biko?)

# Part 2) We continued eating and chatting. All of a sudden, he asked to see my stomach!  “Stomach ke! Inside eatery, see my life o!” I blatantly refused and he was even more pissed.

# Part 3) I still stayed and we kept talking. Then he asked, “Who even told you that you are beautiful?” Ehn see question…. I didn’t still take offense. I smiled and told him that I have friends and families who compliment me. He gave me a mocking expression and said, “You are not fine. You are just OK.”

*Alarm bells sounding in my head* That was the last straw. I said to myself, “This is the last day you will ever see me!!!!”

I kept my cool and decided to leave few minutes later. You know another shocking thing? He wanted me to go home with him! Insult upon injury! Of course, I bluntly refused. (Okay, this is the one that just makes me mad. Why would you meet someone and ask her to go home with you on the same day? Even oyibos keep it simple till the third date except she’s the one that invited you to her place. Ladies, please help me out here!)
Some days later, he sent me a text that I didn’t even call or text him. He said “It’s so sad because it shows he didn’t mean anything to me.”

“Argggh! Call fire! He even had the nerve to get in touch after all that.”

Every girl I told the story to was angry with me for putting up with such nonsense.

Femmetotale, I am sure if you were my mother or elder sister, you would have beaten me for even taking such. (hahahahahaha… nope, I wouldn’t have beaten you. I’d have asked you why you didn’t call me immediately to come and take you away from there. Lolz…) Anyways, I am wiser now o! 

Tosin Florence Eyebiokin


We’ve all had to sit through bad dates before but this guy takes the cake. When I read about Tosin’s experience, at first, my jaw dropped and then dropped lower and then got shut cos I was mighty pissed. I sense that the guy is uncultured and just plain abusive and I pity the girl who will have to live through that for the rest of her life. The first ‘no no’ was telling the girl that she was smelling. Ok, I know guys you’re very close to can get away with that but not someone you’ve just met. The last straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when he told her that she wasn’t beautiful. I mean, who does that? Some people deserve to be put in that place that starts with the letter Z, kai! Anyways, thank God you were able to escape on time before he did more damage on you.

Ladies, I hope you could relate with Tosin’s experience. I sure did. Tosin is an amazing blogger and she blogs at www.chavivas.blogspot.com. You know that feeling you get when you’re walking by the brooks at dawn? That’s how her writing makes me feel… peaceful. You should go check out her blog.

Do have a splendid week and don’t forget to keep being complete.

Femmetotale.

PS: Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to alicia_davids@yahoo.com

Advertisements

New Wine: Things I’ve learnt from getting older

Resized Afy

It’s my birthday today and here are some things I’ve learned about getting older. You know what they say about wine getting better with age. I’m not much of a wine person but I once tasted freshly collected palmwine one early morning in the village. The taste was heavenly…like there is no perfect adjective that can describe the experience. I’ve never had that experience again but I now understand why people talk about new wine although there are people who prefer old wine. Some say old wine is the best and wine gets better with age. I may not classify as vintage but tonight as I get set to mark another year of my beautiful life I realize that there are definitely some things I have learned in life as I grow older.

#Lesson 1: Life is not all about me

The first instinct of human life is self-preservation. Naturally everybody puts herself first and so do I. I think the first set of people that have conquered this law are mothers. After the birth of her child, a mother would give up anything for the sake of her child. While I may not have kids yet, with time I have learned that life is not all about me. I mustn’t do things only because they suit me but I have learned to put other people before me.

#Lesson 2: If I don’t get what I want now that doesn’t mean I will never get it.

We live our lives in a clock; 60 seconds, 60 minutes, 24 hours, 7 days, 52 weeks and 365 days. The days and years roll by and we attach everything to time. Sometimes, I feel that if I don’t get what I want now then that means I may never get it again. WRONG. Getting older has taught me that God does not dwell in time. He dwells in eternity. So while man may limit himself to time, God can redeem the time for us.

#Lesson 3: Sometimes I have to enjoy life

Okay, I know this sounds carnal but growing up I have learned that life is for the living. I can’t go through life like a walking dead. So if I have to go out and make myself happy then so will I. You only get to live once :). Even my man Solomon had a lot to say about this. You should read his works more often (don’t concentrate on his songs only oh!)

#Lesson 4: I am as valuable as I think I am

I know I am valuable but sometimes I forget. I constantly have to remind myself that my value is not dependent on other people’s opinions. If God says that I am wonderfully made and valuable in His sight then so am I. Getting older has made me realize how valuable I am.

#Lesson 5: My hands are long enough to pat myself on the back.

Yes, there are time I work my hands off or come up with something that I expect people to commend me for. Tough luck! Some people just never see past their noses enough to acknowledge others, try as you may. So what do I do? I’ve learned that my hands are long enough to pat myself on the back. So I stretch my hands out, pat myself and give myself a big hug. That’s one of the things getting older has taught me.

#Lesson 6: Some things take time.

A very wise man said that there are some things that just take time. You can’t have a child in 1 month by impregnating 9 women. Sometimes, our mathematical evaluations make us assume that there are things we can get automatically but life is not always so. Farmers learn to be patient. Some plants take months to grow while some take years. Surprisingly the ones that take longer to grow last longer. For instance the maize plant and the apple tree. I have learned to relax and be patient sometimes.

#Lesson 7: Being smart requires hard work

When I was much younger I knew I was smart and I didn’t have to work hard to pass examinations. I used to wonder why my teachers would write “Very hardworking” on my report cards. I grew older and realized that I couldn’t always depend on my brilliance to succeed in life. I have to go the extra mile and put in extra effort.

#Lesson 8: I need people

As much as sometimes I hate to admit it, growing up has taught me that I need people. I used to love solitude and I still do but there’s a reason why God made us grow in families. It is a great blessing to have people you can depend on. I thank God for the great and invaluable friendships I have made in my lifetime. My friends and family make my life richer. I am grateful for that.

#Lesson 9: Don’t expect people to treat you the way you treat them.

One mistake I, like many other people make is that I expect people to treat me the way I treat them. Unfortunately, life is the exact opposite of that. People don’t treat you nice because you treat them well. What to do…I have learned to take it in my stride and forge ahead.

#Lesson 10: God’s got me in His plans.

I don’t think I can ever forget Jeremiah 29:11. It was one of those verses that got me to realize that I am not just living life but I am living out a plan. I have seen the amazing works of God in my life and I know that my life is part of a plan. I may not always see the big picture but I trust in the one who paints that picture.

So while I thank God for keeping me throughout this year of my life, I also ask Him to renew my wineskins. Jesus said that no one puts new wine into old wineskins for then the new wine would burst the old wineskins Luke 5:37. So I ask him to continually renew my mind and my body to accommodate the new wine he pours into me every day. You should also make that your prayer today.

So celebrate with me and let’s keep being complete women as we get ready to step into the new year.

Happy-birthday-elegant-wishes

Happy birthday to me!

Femmetotale.

To fan an old flame

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????

As Christie walked briskly down the street that bright Monday morning, hurrying to her new office, she couldn’t help wondering if it was just her or if everybody was staring at her like they knew she was new in town. It didn’t help matters that she had to ask for direction each time she took a couple of steps. It was her first day at her new job and she didn’t want to miss a single turn and have to retrace her steps. That would cause a setback in her plans to arrive very early at the office.

Christie stood in front of the high rise building that housed the company she would soon call hers and took a deep breath. She wasn’t nervous, rather she was excited but taking a deep breath seemed like the natural thing to do before starting the first step into the rest of her working life. She took the elevator to the sixth floor as she had been told. When she came out of the elevator, she plastered a smile on her face and walked up to the security man at the door.

“Good morning, my name is Christie. I was asked to resume duties here as a Brand Marketing Associate. Can you please point me in the direction of the Human Resources Office? Thank you.” In three quick sentences she had introduced herself and what she was there for. Christie had often been told that she spoke as briskly as she walked but she couldn’t understand why people were slow to understand her and frankly couldn’t even think about slowing down her speech for anybody. The security man looked stunned as though the effort he had expended on trying to understand her articulate speech had completely worn him out. He simply motioned to her to walk in and pointed at a lady sitting behind the counter in the centre of the reception hall.

“Good morning,” Christie still had that cool, self-assured smile on her face.

“How may I help you?” The lady behind the counter adjusted the collar of her black suit and propped the receiver of an intercom between her right ear and shoulder and spoke into the mouth piece as she typed, still staring at the monitor of her computer.

“My name is Christie Eze, I was asked to resume duties today as….” Christie broke off her sentence as the lady pointed towards her right. Christie’s first instinct was to ask if there was a no-speaking policy in the firm. First it was the security man and now the receptionist. She wondered what the reaction of the next person she was to meet would be. “Excuse me, where did you say…” The lady pointed in the same direction again, more forcefully this time as if someone had just stepped on her toes and she continued speaking to the person on the other end of the line.

Christie hissed softly. She wasn’t about to let her good mood get dampened by any old lady with a bad work attitude. She walked in the direction the lady had pointed at and took a turn until the end of the corridor. Then she saw two doors on one side and one on the other side. On closer look, she saw that the two doors led to the elevators while the second door seemed like the door to an office. There was no need asking any further questions. Christie had already asked enough questions to last her a life time. She simply rapped twice on the door and stepped into the impressive office. There was a man standing behind the mahogany desk near the large windows overlooking a magnificent view of the city. The man was talking on the phone and looking down through the window.

Deciding it would be rude to interrupt, Christie stood patiently in front of the large desk, wondering where it must have been imported from because there was no way she would believe that something that perfect could have been made in Nigeria. There was also a set of settees made from fine leather on both sides. Everything in the office reeked of class and good taste. The man behind the desk chose that moment to turn around, while he was still talking on the phone, to see who had just walked into his office. Christie gasped in surprise as recognition flooded his face while her mind flashed back to that day 7 years ago when she had first met Frank.

To be continued….

Click here to read the rest of the story…

Part II, Part III, Part IV Part V

The more obvious ones

???????????

Look around and you’ll see them. They don’t hide in plain view. They have your attention even before you realize that you’re looking. Enter any classroom and you’ll see them. They are the center of everyone’s attention, giving tutorials to their classmates on lectures they received together. When it’s time to choose characters for the school drama they get lead roles. Nobody gets surprised. There’s no contest. Sometimes they move in groups, fulfilling the proverbial saying that birds of the same feathers flock together. Sometimes they walk alone. Enter any establishment and you’ll see them. They are the ones directing their colleagues on what to do. They are in churches too. Check your choirs and you’ll see them leading worship like they’ve sat in the presence of God forever. Go to the modelling industry. They’re the ones that have ‘super’ attached to their names. In the movie industries, they easily get the lead roles. They have been doing it all their lives. There is a mark of special quality in them that is not hidden. It’s not difficult to pick them out in a crowd. They are the more obvious ones.

I’ve noticed that in this world chances are always given to the more obvious ones. It’s just human nature to give opportunities to those that are not hesitant to step up and take centre stage. It didn’t start today. Generations upon generations have always picked out the more obvious ones. Supposing you’re in a managerial position and you need to get a job done. Naturally, you’ll choose the one that volunteers or appears capable of handling such responsibilities. Meanwhile there may just be someone hidden in the background who is more than capable of taking the lead. It’s just human nature.

Even the bible is filled with examples of the more obvious ones. When the Prophet, Samuel went to anoint a king in the house of Jesse, David’s father, he saw so many obvious ones. All David’s brothers were tall, huge and king-like. David’s father did not even remember to call him from the fields. Also, later in his life, when Goliath was threatening their land and David showed up to challenge him, nobody thought he was going to achieve much. Perhaps if it had been one of his brothers in the army the people would have hailed him jubilantly. Many decades after Jesus also faced the same issue. There was just no way the people could accept that he was the Messiah. He wasn’t huge and powerful like Samson. He wasn’t commanding any army like Joshua. He was just a simple man.

We always look out for the more obvious ones. During interviews and recruitments, the one with better qualifications and references always seems like the best choice. When choosing a partner, the one with the better job and better looks always seems like the best choice. Even when choosing friends, nobody goes for the less attractive person. Anybody walking with human feelings and understanding will always go for the more obvious ones. It is only with discernment that you can detect the right one. If you look very well there may be a small David somewhere that is able to achieve much more than you can imagine.

Sometimes you need to pay more attention to the less obvious ones.

Femmetotale.

The green eyed monster II

green eyed monster

Monster Alert!!!
Don’t read this if you’re afraid of the dark, vampires, blood or scary green-eyed monsters!

Remember my post about the green eyed monster? Well this is the part II. If you missed the first part then you can click here to read it. You will understand this post better if you read the first part. You won’t believe this but it is so true. I saw the green eyed monster today, shooting sparks of hot green lava.

Ok, that was just my pretend-scary-face. I do not watch horror movies or anything about vampires or monsters (romantic movies don finish for market? Even if they do finish I’ll just go ahead and create mine 😉 ). I don’t see why anyone would enjoy watching horror movies biko. What’s fun about watching a grown man in scary costume with tomato ketchup on his mouth chasing innocent kids to gobble them up or vampire human-bats swooping down out of the sky to sink their teeth into the necks of their preys (call it twilight oh, twilight saga, etc they can’t see my back view at the cinema no matter how many intriguing Ads they show)? I mean, there’s enough scary stuff going on in the world without re-enacting them in movies. Just tune onto CNN and you’ll understand.

Ok, enough with the horror movies bashing (and don’t say I’m just talking cos I’m scared of horror movies :)) let’s get down to the main gist. I saw a real life green-eyed monster today and no it wasn’t on TV. Have you ever been that girl that never gets picked up when you’re walking with your friend? You know, like Blair and Serena in Gossip girl. You’re Blair and your friend is Serena, get the picture now? Ok, if you never saw the TV series, Gossip girl then this is the gist, Serena is the bright, tall and cute blonde while Blair is a brunette who is also beautiful by all standards but always gets passed over for her best friend.

Ok, fast forward to today. Two girls, Ene and Tonia were walking home together after church and someone walked up (more like ran) to them and said hello to the fair one, Tonia. After the hello came a compliment to Tonia and a thank you from her. The darker one, Ene was left looking very green. What was the ‘greenness’ for? Tonia had been complimented on her sonorous voice and Ene decided in her mind that the fact that she was not complimented must have meant that she had a terrible voice. Both girls had sung together in the church that morning. You get the picture now?

So anyway, Ene went home that morning feeling murderously jealous of Tonia. Ene had always been known for her terrible temper and everybody at home knew she was mad about something that happened that morning so they all avoided her. She sat alone in her room fuming. Then she picked up her pen and did what she knew how to do best during her sour moods. Before long, she was smiling again.

However, something happened later that evening that completely changed Ene’s perspective on life. Sam, her cousin came to visit. He was doing his youth service and was new in town so he often came to their house for lunch on Sundays. While talking with her, he saw the notebook peeking out from beneath her pillow. He picked it up and read through the beautiful poetry Ene had written. “These poems are beautiful, really creative,” Sam said.

“They are songs,” Ene said and tried to snatch the notebook away from him. He was even more surprised. “Can you sing one for me?” Sam asked.

Ene was hesistant at first but she actually did sing it and Sam looked very impressed. “I never knew you were this good,” he said. “You could actually make a living from this.

“No one seems to think I can sing,” Ene became moody again.

Sam raised one eyebrow, “Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have the nicest voice I’ve ever heard. Your singing is actually not extra-ordinary but the music you wrote is excellent. How did you learn to write music like this?”

Ene shrugged and said, “It’s just my talent.” That was when she had an epiphany. Music was her talent alright but just not singing.

If you read ‘The Green-Eyed Monster I’ then it must have given you a background on this post. The thing is that jealousy always arises when we compare ourselves unfavourably to others. While Ene was busy envying her friend for her God-given talent she failed to realize that she had something beautiful within her too that may not have been like what her friend had.

Nobody was created without a special talent in her. When God gave talents to the 3 servants in the bible, He gave one 3 and the other 2 and the last, one. He gave something to each one according to their ability to utilise it (Matt 25:15-28). The remarkable thing is that you have the ability to utilise your talent to its full capacity. There is something within you, just reach down and find it. Instead of complaining about how God did not give you the kind of talent your friend has, ask him to reveal yours to you today.

I saw the green-eyed monster today.

Femmetotale.

Doctor I don’t feel better yet.

A must read from an amazing doctor blogger!

Dr. N's Musings

African American doctor treating girl's leg with bandages

 

Do you find yourself tongue-tied in the presence of health care practitioners? Are you afraid to ask questions? Do you take medication whose names and side effects you do not know? Then you are the one I wrote this post for. I often kid people that in Nigeria, the herbal doctors are superior to the practitioners of orthodox medicine. This is because of the awe in which they are held. Knowing that there is sometimes a superstitious angle to their prescriptions, people rarely question their diagnoses. They pay huge amounts for treatments that no one can be held accountable for; as these doctors are not culpable for the consequences of whatever they do to you, or give you to drink.

 

When I was in medical school, we were required to observe as many surgeries as possible. Standing behind the operating table we would watch the surgeon, all the…

View original post 680 more words

Like mom like me

Close up portrait of teenage girl

A popular sombori (don’t ask me who) once wrote that the highest need on a woman’s hierarchy of needs is the need to build a home as a wife and a mother. Every other need pales in comparison to that need. Well, some women would say that it’s not true, that there are women who desire to succeed in life, business and career just like the men and for such women raising kids and building a home is not their priority. Some others may say that it is the truth. To consider whether it is true or not I decided to do a little comparison between the daughters of three women.

Gina is the only daughter of a very successful Neurosurgeon, in fact one of the best in Nigeria. Her mother’s drive to succeed at her career was first before everything else. Gina saw very little of her mom in her growing years. Her mother was only at home a couple of hours in a week and most of those hours were spent in her room reading, preparing for an upcoming surgery or an exam she needed to upgrade to the next level. Her mom was never there to assist with homework or school projects; she wasn’t there when Gina saw a baby pigeon which fell from a tree while she was playing outside with her brothers and didn’t know what it was, she wasn’t there either when Gina needed an African attire to wear for her school play. She can’t erase the memory of her classmates’ laughter when she arrived in school wearing the hideous buba and iro her father had improvised from her mother’s wardrobe. She also wasn’t there the first day Gina saw that red stain on her skirt and wondered what it was. Today, Gina has graduated as a medical doctor and has no interest in getting to the peak of her career for fear that like her mom she may not be there for her own children.

Rita, on the other hand was born to a mother who is a school teacher. Her mother was there to pick her and her siblings up after school. She assisted with homework and school projects. Rita had a confidante in her mother who was always there for her. It was her mom who picked her up after school and listened to all her stories. She learned to cook while assisting her mom in the kitchen. Rita learned to cut and sew and amend dresses from her mother. When in boarding school, her mother always came to visit during visiting days. Her mother knew about her first boyfriend and even gave her invaluable advice about relationships. Her mother’s comforting arms were there after she got her first heartbreak and her mother has remained her best friend since then. Rita has also graduated as a medical doctor and can’t wait to become a consultant in Oncology.

Gina and Rita are good friends. Gina doesn’t think much of Rita’s ambition. Having been the daughter of a very successful mother, Gina knows all about the wide gulf that a woman’s success can cause in a family and advises against it. She is convinced that it will affect Rita’s relationship with her children. Gina has made up her mind to be the best mother she can be to her children and if it takes not being a career woman to achieve it then Gina is prepared to be a stay-at-home mom.

What would your advice to Gina be? In case you’re wondering who the third young woman is, just insert your own childhood experiences and decide what kind of mom you would like to be. Is it possible to be a combination of both mothers? I appreciate your thoughts.

Femmetotale