Keeping up with the ‘Joneses’

Meeting up with the Joneses

Do you know about the popular phrase, ‘keeping up with the Joneses?’ Many people may not know exactly what it means but it is something that is very common with us. Basically, it’s an idiom and generally refers to someone who is always trying to be like her rich neighbours. Most of our lives are spent trying to keep up with the Joneses? Some times we buy things we don’t need just because we want to measure up or rub shoulders with the people we believe are better than us. Sometimes we live our lives believing that we are not as good as some others and we keep trying to meet up, doing all sorts of things in the process and fueling our insecurity.

Linda says she can’t quite put her finger on the day she started trying to meet up with the Joneses because for as long as she can remember she has always wanted to seem ‘bigger’ than she really is. She comes from a comfortable home where she’s always had access to her basic needs. Linda’s mom used to buy her nice clothes at affordable prices and she could always remember dressing well to church on Sundays. However, at some point in her life, Linda started wanting more. She always felt her clothes were not up to current standards and compared with the rich girls in school she looked like a maid. So, she always fell short of her expectations in her own eyes.

One day, Linda’s issue became more complex than just a few thoughts. It was her first day in University. While trying to get a cold drink at a shop before concluding her registration, she saw two girls treating themselves to coke, away from the hot son. Linda may have spent a few seconds admiring their expensive looking clothes, the designer bags and shoes, the well manicured nails and their soft laughter over a joke from one of them. She got her drink and started looking for a place to sit. Somehow she caught one of the girls’ eyes and the girl offered Linda a seat. You can imagine her excitement. Linda soon found that she couldn’t flow with Shanty and Gillian much because they were talking about their last trip to Dubai and the latest designer clothes they just got. She felt so out of place but really wanted to be friends with them so she started pretending to know what they were talking about. She liked the way people were staring at them. When Linda got home, all she could think about was how to get designers clothes too. So she started making more demands on her parents, pretending they were asked to buy more textbooks. It wasn’t long before she started sleeping around and shoplifting. The funny thing is that no matter how much she tried she just couldn’t meet up. It was either Shanty’s dad just got her the latest phone or Gilly’s mom was taking her to France for the summer. Linda felt so miserable most of the time. Her self esteem went lower than ever. She felt like she belonged nowhere because she could never actually call them her friends and she couldn’t associate with her old friends anymore. She suffered in silence and often wished her life could be different.

Here’s the thing, it’s important for you to have a healthy self image. You should not need other people to affirm whether you’re good enough or not. It is something you must decide for yourself, bearing in mind your strengths and weaknesses. The story of the ten spies that were asked to spy on the land of Canaan before the Israelites could proceed, always amazes me (Numbers 13) eight of the men came back and said that the men in the land were like giants and they were like ants in their own eyes (vs. 33). Only two men – Caleb and Joshua had positive reports. In their own eyes? That means they hadn’t even heard the so-called giants refering to them as ants when they concluded that they were like ants. This made it impossible for them to enter the land. You see why self image is very important. From this story u can tell that only few people actually have healthy self image because the opinion of the majority was that of being inferior to the giants. One thing I realised is that when you have confidence and a healthy self image, you naturally attract people to yourself because you are a rare breed.

You don’t need to try to be like the Joneses. Those people you’re trying to be like also have people they want to be like. Nobody has it all together. You just have to be content with what you have and who you are. Stop trying to be like them. As a matter of fact, they should be trying to be like you.




Memoirs of a single christian chic…

Is it the computer or jet age thingy or the fact that everything has just changed, or the world coming to an end or what?

First of all, take a long hard look at this picture and please don’t laugh too much!

crazy guys

Yes oh! Guys are now sooo into the sagging/drop waist fashion. It is no longer for women only. Anyway, that is not what my post is about. I’m just getting your mind ready for it. The fact is that the world is radically different from what it was a decade ago. And I’m not just talking about science and technology. I’m talking about the human components themselves. Societies have changed, people have changed, even culture has evolved. Things have really changed. What was unheard of in the past is now normal. Hmm….men and their menscapades. I mean…just take another look at that picture.

Ok, down to the juicy part, this single chic decided to go on a little field trip, step out of her comfort zone and embark on some menscapades. Still trying to figure out what that means??? Abeg no fall my hand…just separate the two words – men and escapades…get the meaning now? Anyway, I’ve always lived a simple christian life, letting people know who I am…a serious don’t-mess-around-chic who’s got values and principles. Recently, I decided to loosen up a bit you know, do all the colour blocking, gum chewing, batting of false eyelashes and tomato red lips thingy. Hehehehehe… those that know me are seriously wondering how true it is, just wait till you hear the menscapade part before your eyes get wider than saucepans and don’t ask me if it was one of my new year resolutions. Okay, as part of the loosening up, I decided to start smiling at everybody that says hello to me…yea normal chics do that right? Anyways, the result was alarming and gave me the inspiration for this topic. I shudder as I write this and I’m tempted to say men…tufiakwa! You mean things like this happen in the world?


Ok, the gist… A man walked into my colleague’s office while I was using his computer and I offered him a seat to await my colleague’s return from lunch. It was all good at first and while I was pretending to be very busy (though I was in fact playing zuma…my favourite game), he started chatting with me. Well, I smiled politely and answered him each time. Then he asked for my number and I gave it to him. I saw the look, I had my suspicion but I decided to ignore it, after all it was supposed to be official. In fact I forgot all about it until later that evening when I received a call from him. He started rambling about how he saw me and decided that I was just right for him and he would like to have me. Na normal gist abi? Wait for it…

Trust me, maybe it is my training but I always like to not assume things so I had to ask…’You want to have me? Exactly what do you mean?’ And he said, ‘you know now…you are a matured lady. I just want you to come to my house let us have fun together. Don’t worry, I will treat you very well and do wonderful things to you, you will enjoy me.’

WHAT! Ding…ding…ding…ding…this one no be laughing matter oh. I can just imagine my sister shouting ‘Holy Ghost ei! You mean men are becoming this bold? That brought me to the next question, ‘Ah! Ah! Are you not a married man sir?’ (Yea, now you know why this is making headlines) And he said, ‘forget about that one. That is not the issue. The fact is that I am lonely and I need you to help me. Please just do this thing for me…I can’t wait to have you…I promise you will enjoy me…I will take care of you’. So, politely, I said to him, ‘I’m sorry sir but I’m not that kind of girl. I am decent and I do not indulge in such.’ And he said, ‘I know. That is why I want you. I don’t want all these girls that are available, offering themselves to me. You are very decent and that is why I want you.’ My mouth was just as agape as yours.

Is someone wondering why I was still on the phone for close to an hour with him? Well, I guess I may have been in too much shock. In fact my fingers were numb and I only revived them long enough to put it on mute and activate the speakerphone. It had the desired effect cos he kept cutting the line himself, calling back and apologizing for the network failure to my amusement.

I’m still shaking my head in disbelief. I say the world is coming to an end oh! This man was not even deterred by my decent dressing that day and by decent I mean I was wearing a three-quarters long black skirt and a pink long-sleeved shirt, decent but nice. It was quite disturbing to me. I don’t know whether it was the fact that he was not interested in honouring the life-long contract he signed up for with his wife or the boldness with which he stated his purpose that was more alarming. All I could think about was the wife somewhere raising their kids.

I guess I may have to delete the whole smiling and being nice thing from my new year resolutions. At least I would be saving myself a lot of headaches. How do the ‘aristos‘ manage abeg? Anyway, end of story…I cut him off on his second sentence when he called me the next day with, ‘I’m sorry sir but I have told you that I am not interested in any form of relationship with you. I will appreciate it if you don’t ever call my number again with such a proposition!’ (in my meanest voice) Chikina! It was that simple. That was the end of it!

NB: Do you have your own menscapades that you are willing to share? Please do so, let’s laugh along with you…lol


Yaaaaaaay!!!! It’s my birthday today!

cropped afy studio 1

It’s my birthday today, yaaaaaay!!! Out of 365 days we are allowed one day to call ours. Please I crave your indulgence to be a bit immodest today. So I’m dedicating this whole page to myself. Yes, so I’m a year older today and a year wiser. I love the timing of my buffday…it coincides with Christmas and year ending. Like most other people, I always look forward to my birthday. It’s my few hours of enjoying the celebrity status, of accepting pleasant wishes from friends, acquaintances, and family. My best pictures have taken over some people’s dps and I’ve got a thousand birthday wishes on bb, facebook and twitter. Please don’t envy me, your turn will come…**winks.

Anyway, I really looked forward to this my special day earnestly. I was up by midnight reminiscing about the wonderful blessings I enjoyed this year. I even took my time to count my blessings one after the other and guess what happened…my heart was filled with joy. I practically lay awake in my bed, smiling into the dark. I thanked God for keeping me alive and believe me there was a time I thought I would lose my life but I didn’t and I came out unhurt. I thanked God for my job and his faithfulness to me. I thanked God for my family, for making each of us to excel in our endeavours this year and for sustaining us. I thanked God for my relationships…I realized how much better my year was because of some people that were a part of it. In one way or the other, you all made positive impacts on my life. It may have been the simple smiles, the encouragement, the gifts, the help, the fun we had together, the calls, or merely the thought of someone being there for you. I feel so blessed today.

When I awoke in the morning, the smile remained. The incessant calls that broke my 8 hours of pleasure sleep were all exciting to me. I didn’t even mind that my dearly beloved sleep was being interrupted. I was just happy. I also had a wonderful dream about my ‘dreams’ coming to pass. You can imagine how happy that has made me. It is my best gift yet.

So, on this special day of mine and on this special page dedicated to myself, I wish to thank you for making my day by reading this. Femmetotale is special to me and I hope it becomes special to you too.

Have a lovely day and enjoy the yuletide season.

Remember to keep standing out.


Yuletide Zest


The time is here again…the time when all kinds of bells are ringing incessantly. The air is tick with excitement and joy. It’s the time to bid farewell to the past and say hello to new beginnings. It’s the time to look good, to shed the look for the year and catch new ones. Everyone catches the Christmas bug and the fever is so high. The new clothes have been bought, the new shoes, accessories and yes food. No one can blame you for wanting to spend all your hard earned earnings this year on looking good, afterall it comes but once a year.

I love Christmas! It’s the family reunions that make it most exciting for me, I think, or just the idea of endings and new beginnings. I look forward to the yuletide zest. It’s not just the beautiful cool europeanish weather albeit with all the dust, or the new clothes we buy without any thought for the coming months, or the  cards and numerous messages that tell me I’m thought of, it is simply the beauty of it all that I love. Christmas really is a beautiful period. Jesus couldn’t have chosen a better time to make his entry into our world.

Christmas is about forgiveness, sacrificial love, spending time with the king, peace, joy and merry making. Let’s not forget to focus on the one whom it’s all about.

Ladies you know Christmas is most special for us. It’s finally time to fix the peruvian hair you had been saving up all year for, and to wear those heels you’ve been terrified of since just because you have to look your best, never mind how much pain it causes you. Let’s not forget the singles and all the strategies to get off the singles status this year and join the merry married! Don’t act like you haven’t bought that beautiful dress that will get you to stand out in church on Christmas morning. Don’t try to pretend you won’t scour the homes of the handsome bachelors, with the excuse of greeting their moms while smiling coyly at the potential suitors.

The bottom line is Christmas is a merry period so be merry no matter what and forget about all your worries of the year. Embrace joy and goodness and your expectations will surely be met.

Be a merry femmetotale…

I just saw this old post I made about procrastination and I’m wondering when I’ll take my own advice. I still have many things piled up in my to-do list. In fact I’ve made up my mind to change…starting Enjoy it.


You won’t believe how many times I’ve tried to write this article. Each time it was as if there was some invisible force propelling me to drop my pen and do something a lot easier like say, watch a movie or play around with my phone or just simply lie down on my bed and stare into thin air.

Thinking about it now, after mustering some energy to pull myself away from the grip of this cobweb around my head and will power, the invisible force is none other than my age-long friend, procrastination. I’m sure he’s as much your friend as he’s mine. He is friends with so many people that I’m sure he’s even lost count. The thing is he always makes his options look so simple yet he is the reason I’ve lost out on and missed so many important things in my life. Still I’ve not…

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Ladies…. how far are we willing to go to look good? Fake hair, false nails, false eyelashes, fake boobs, false this, fake that, fake…fake…fake. Who are we doing all these for, the men? Here’s a man’s opinion on our overwhelming falseness. Enjoy!

I can still remember the look on her face the moment I stumbled into her room that evening unannounced and saw her quickly put something that looked like boobs made with foam inside a bag. I was short of words when I looked at her and realized that something was radically different in her chest region. She was no longer busty but almost flat chested. Where went the big boobs? I wondered silently, as she stood staring at me and not making any attempt to hide anything anymore. There are many girls like Temi (that’s the name of the girl), who can go any length to look their best, only to end up looking like a caricature of themselves or even like newspaper cartoons.

Talking about ‘fake’ which girl is real nowadays? Everything about most girls now is fake. From the false eye lashes, to the brazillian hair, from the false nails to their enhanced lips, boobs and booty.  I can’t even understand why these girls have to endure the pains of injections or go under the knife in the name of plastic surgeries just to look beautiful. To even consider the fact that this may be someone’s real hair gives me the creeps? What if it is a dead persons hair? They are no longer satisfied with their natural looks. In fact, telling a girl that you like it when she looks natural is almost akin to telling her that she’s ugly. A girl once told me that I was only telling her that I like it when she looks natural because I’m stingy and I don’t want to spend money on her. Can you believe that? Some even pay in installments or starve themselves just to buy brazillian weave-on to fix. Something that is worth more than 50 bags of cement. I mean, think of it…. I can actually start up a building project with the same money she will use to buy fake hair.

Go to our university campuses today, you will find many girls like that. You begin to wonder if they are in school to study or what. From head to toe, everything is fake. Their artificial looks are even more precious to them than their books. As you see them fixing this and that and spending more time in the salon and in front of the mirror than they spend in the class or with their books just to look good. The funny thing is most of them depend on their boyfriends or sugar daddies to buy all these things.

What happened to being ‘black’ and proud? What happened to natural beauty? What happened to being confident in your looks? What happened to being proud of your colour and natural features? Why spend thousands of naira just to look fake rather than beautiful? From bleaching, they are now into botox, artificials boobs and fake eye lashes like that of Goodie on big brother stargame show. And we also have those who now do tattoos on their arms and bum bums as well. You can imagine what our girls are turning into. They want to look more foreign than the oyibos. Then when it is time to go to bed at night, the fake boobs come off, the heavy make up comes off, the fake booty, expensive hair and in the end, they become something totally different and ‘ugly’.

Tell me, are these girls for real? I have to ask, who are you trying to impress? If you succeed in altering yourself to look beautiful and you end up looking too artificial, who do you think will want to walk up to you and say hello? We men want to see the real you. We want to wake up in the morning and not scream in fright, wondering if our nightmare materialized and lay beside us at night. We want to know that you are happy and confident in who you are. Don’t get me wrong. I love it when a woman looks beautiful and attractive. I’m not against using make-up to enhance beauty. What I don’t like is the ‘plastic’ look most girls are going for now. So tell me, are they for real?


Marvel Eke

When marriage becomes an issue!

For the ladies, from the onset of maturity, it’s like marriage is all we talk about. But then, we do it with excitement. However, it gets to a time when marriage becomes a ‘biiiiggg issue’ and we start getting anxious about it, even to the extent of going extra lengths to answer ‘mrs.

Read through this humorous piece and find out which category you fall into. Hope dey, abeg!


When marriage becomes an issue!

When you hear relatives talk about marriage and you start thinking that they are talking about you – marriage has become an issue.

When you’re pissed that your friends are all singing ‘wedding bells’ tunes to you and coaxing you to join them in the flurry of wedding activities – marriage has become an issue.

When your birthday is fast approaching and you begin to dread your friends calling to wish you a happy birthday – marriage has become an issue.

When you meet some old friends and they ask you about your kids – marriage has become an issue.

When you are obliged to be a bridesmaid for your 10th friend – marriage has become an issue.

When you begin to frequent dating websites, hoping to meet the right person at last – marriage has become an issue.

When you start attending every new church in your town – marriage has become an issue.

When you place candles around the picture of a man you just met and pray the violent bring-down-the-roof kind of prayer – marriage has become an issue.

When you rush to a bridal shop after your guy tells you ‘I have something very important I want to tell you later’, only to find out that he just wanted to tell you that he got a promotion – marriage has become an issue.

When you hug your pillow at night, looking at pictures of guys you dated in the past and shedding tears of regret – marriage has become an issue.

When you start posting your name and number on ‘Dear Aunty Heart’ columns in the newspapers – marriage has become an issue.

When you begin to attend a white garment church and agree to bring the white cloth, virgin lizard, cats’s tongue, one-legged tortoise and lamb without teeth for a sacrifice – then marriage has REALLY become an issue!

As usual, I value your comments so feel free to drop your opinion on this (anonymously if you like…)!


dare to be a difference!