My Sweet Tooth

Young woman eating cupcake, studio shot

I have a sweet tooth. I’m so addicted to sweet things that I’ve contemplated adding sugar to my cooking a good number of times. Lol. There’s just something richly pleasurable about eating something sweet. It can wipe off stress and keep you feeling euphoric. So imagine my excitement when I went downstairs some time before my lunch break to buy drinking water and I happened upon this young lady selling a batch of cupcakes. I stole glances at first and looked away each time. I wasn’t going to be tempted. I had made up my mind to cut down on my sugar intake. Finally, I decided to give in to temptation and pick one… just one 😀

Ok, before you start judging my ability to maintain my resolutions and my level of restraint, you must know one thing. The aroma of those chocolate cupcakes was absolutely tantalizing. I just had to taste one to know if it tasted as good as it looked.  And…. oh my!!! I can’t tell you how good it tasted. You can only judge for yourself after you’ve had a taste too. 😉

While I ate my delicious cake, I wondered how it was made. You see, I consider myself a good cook and each time I see something nice, I try to figure out how it was made. If it happens to be something I can’t figure out then I may go and ask someone who knows. Sweet tooth like me, I learnt to make cakes early enough. I was a curious and inquisitive little girl.

Everybody has that aunt who always claims to know how to cook everything on earth, right? Well, I do and I often ask her whenever I try to make something new and run into difficulty. I remember asking her about making chocolate cakes once.

“That’s easy,” she said, “All you have to do is mix the paste like I taught you and add bournvita or milo to it.”  I nodded in understanding. It seemed very easy.

Ok, I’m sure you all know what bournvita is so I don’t need to explain. Suffice it to say that I spent many years believing that once you add bournvita to cake mixture then you have your chocolate cake ready. I had my doubts but I never really tried to find out if it was true or not. I didn’t try it though and it never occurred to me that there was actually something called cocoa powder which you add to the cake mixture to produce that effect.

It’s years after and I’m sitting here, eating my cupcakes and wondering what other numerous things I accepted as truth in my childhood and have never quite unlearned even as an adult. You see, we human beings have a way of holding on tightly to the things people have told us in the past. I suppose the brain stores certain information from childhood that are very difficult to discard even at maturity. Just because our parents told us that people from a certain area are not to be trusted we accept it as a fact that cannot be changed. We have seen wars fought for years on end just because of half-truths told by our forefathers. We have seen hate established as culture and dehumanizing practices we refuse to let go of because our parents ingrained them in us. All hatred, racism, intolerance, ethnicism, prejudice and untold conflicts arise because of facts we accepted as truth without verification.

Religion is not left out of the list. Have you ever tried to question your beliefs? No doubt you were told as a child that some questions are best left unanswered. That’s true! We may never figure everything out but have you ever tried to juxtapose some of the things you accept to be true with reason. If a ‘man of God’ asks you to do something, do you as a human being pass it through the rational part of your brain or do you accept everything hook, line and sinker? It’s is alarming to hear of ladies being asked to come to church without their underwear to enable the Holy Spirit free entry. Which Holy Spirit, biko? Is it still the one that we call Holy?

They say you should drop your educational qualifications and degrees when you come to church. Really? Do you know how knowledgeable and wise Solomon was? Was that wisdom not given to him by God for good purpose? Why then should you as a Christian decide to drop your ability to reason and make deductions which is what education does for you just because you are a Christian? Even God gives us room to reason with him. He says, “Come now let us reason together. Though your sins be as scarlet. They shall be white as snow.” I always encourage people to ask God to reveal his truth directly to them. Moreover His word is there to guide you. Anything that seems unscriptural to you, no matter how wonderful it sounds should be discarded.

You want to be the Femmetotale? Start filtering information and verifying things before you accept them as truth. Filter the dogmas your culture and family have ingrained in you and be the God-kind of woman. In the mean time, let me finish my delicious cupcakes and please stop salivating. Thou shall not covet thy neighbour’s cakes, remember… lol!

Femmetotale

My Proverbs 32 Man, Joseph

Man adjusting cuff link

Ok, before you read this, you must promise not to drool over Joseph and please don’t even think about getting him for yourself. Now that you’ve promised, you may read this post 😀 Enjoy!

Last year, I saw this amazing post on One+The One’s blog and I couldn’t help but reblog it on femmetotale. It was about the Proverbs 32 man, aka the virtuous dude. Now, you must know that it is quite unusual to hear about the virtuous man. All we hear day in, year out is about that perfect woman called the virtuous woman. Nobody thought it was important enough to give men a manual on what a virtuous man should be like unlike the very detailed writing of King Lemuel’s mother who told him about the virtuous woman. My girl did a very humourous and insightful piece on her blog, telling us what the virtuous man should be like. Guys, I hope it wasn’t too impossible to emulate.

I read this amazing post on Dr. N’s blog about how to choose a husband. Isn’t it just exciting to hear what a lady who leads her life based on godly principles has to say about choosing a husband? You have to check out what she has to say yourself. Just Click here to read or follow the link, www.drnsmusings.wordpress.com The part that really struck me at first was where she described what a husband is. In her own words, “Who is a husband? A husband is a gardener. He spends his life tending his garden (you), and reaps at harvest time.” Hmmm…. rich! Then next, she described what she looked out for in her man and the one that stood out most for me was Love for the Lord. She said, “I needed a man so passionate about Jesus that it showed. One who loves going to church, sowing, praying and so on. He should be the priest of the home. I had no intention of being the one dragging him to church, praying over the kids, e.t.c. Single and available lady (not searching please… you should be sought for) lady, please take note of these great qualities too.

So, according to the Catholic calendar, the Saint of the day is Joseph, the father of Jesus and I believe he is one virtuous man every man in our generation should model his life after. He was definitely a man whose passion for the things of God showed and he was the Priest of his home. I love the fact that even when he thought that Mary had become pregnant by being unfaithful to him, he showed maturity by deciding to send her away discretely so as not to shame her. That’s what true love does. Love does not act out in anger. How many men today would treat suspicions of unfaithfulness in that manner? Also, he needed to be able to hear from God and be sensitive in the spirit to recognize that it was the voice of God when the Angel appeared to him and told him to take Mary as his wife because she was carrying the saviour of the world in her womb. His singular act of obedience was enough to ensure that the plans of salvation which God had made would work. We don’t need men who will be so intoxicated with alcohol that their spiritual ears will remain deaf to the voice of God.

Joseph was a regular man like any other. He didn’t have extraordinary strength of character. He was only made extra-ordinary by his obedience to the voice of God. So you see, the virtuous man is not a figment of our imaginations. He did exist and still does exist.

Femmetotale

PS: Sorry I couldn’t post the next edition of To Fan An Old Flame today. Please watch out for it tomorrow!

And you say you’re in love

Young woman embracing man holding beer bottle, smiling

So the Valentine’s Day has finally come to an end. Hmm…who would have thought it would ever end? Lol… at least now media houses are off to find fresh news that have got nothing to do with love or so I think. For now, I know the love bug that had bitten plenty people last week has started migrating to only-God-knows-where to await the next season. As for having fun, I’m pretty sure most people had fun that day. If you didn’t, don’t worry, there will always be another chance.

Still on the love bug and all who have been bitten or smitten (it’s still the month of love so I’m allowed to talk about it as much as I want, right?), I’m really curious about the Valentine’s day stories. Haven’t heard too many but there are the usual. I’ve heard things like “his number was not available all through the day and he claims his battery was flat” or “I still wonder if he loves me or he’s just leading me on” or “what if I’m not the only one?” I’m no expert on relationships but one thing I know is that if you have to wonder if someone really loves you then maybe you already know the answer to that.

Think about it this way. True love like a light cannot be hidden. It is like an incandescent light that needs no source of energy to shine. All the energy it needs are within. Nobody has ever been able to truly give an accurate definition of love. In fact, we’d rather say that God is love and since we’re not God then we can never truly love. Okay, maybe we humans only know how to express the kind of love that depends on conditions or feelings but I know one thing for sure. There’s a manual that tells us what love is and what love is not. Have you ever read that manual? Before you go cracking your pretty brain, trying to decipher whether his words are true or not, here’s what you should know about love.

Love has a personality. He has a face, a name an attitude and an expression. Love is a patient and kind person. Love looks honest and tells the truth at all times. Love can go the distance or walk a thousand miles to prove himself. Love is hopeful. It will take a great deal of effort to make love lose faith in times of trouble. Love is enduring and doesn’t act out in anger even when he is provoked. You know who love isn’t? Love is not that man that is murderously jealous or boastful. He is not too proud to apologize when he does something wrong and he is not rude. He is not selfish and doesn’t insist on having his way all the time. Love is not irritable but is understanding. Love does not keep a grudge. He is quick to forget things you did that hurt him (I’m still learning that one). He doesn’t rejoice when other people hit bad times and above all, never loses faith in you, the one he loves.

…And you say you are in love. Let’s live love and let’s learn to recognize love when we find it. You want to know more about love? Check out 1 Corinthians 13.

So, the Valentine’s day is over but let’s live, give and be love.

Keep being complete…

Femmetotale

Last first date – An Exciting Meet

Young Couple Drinking Wine

You all probably know by now how much I love hearing love stories, about how meeting a stranger blossoms into something beautiful and lasting. After all, every friend you have today was once a stranger but by sharing certain interests and getting involved in each other’s lives, that one-time stranger quickly becomes a part of your life.

I’m always interested in the ‘first meet’ part of every love story. It’s amazing to hear about how a man bumped into a lady and helped her pick up her books that fell and got scattered on the floor. One thing led to another and they fell in love and lived happily ever and after. I know I’ve seen that a lot in movies but does it happen in real life? I mean, out here in the real world we seem to meet that ‘special someone’ in least expected places like; on the road (under the scorching sun), or at the ATM point (where you were waiting impatiently for your turn) or….. the market. Okay, before I go spilling the beans again, my girl, Tosin met that ‘special someone’ at a least expected place and she dished it all right out to me. When I read her mail, I was just about to eat my fried yam and stew which I had been longing for all day. Here’s how it went. Hear it right from her. My own words are in brackets and italics.

Hi Femmetotale,

I commented on your post about the “last first date” and you asked me to share my experience and here it is.

This happened around 4yrs back when I was still in the University. I came around from school to visit my cousin in Ibadan. I cannot remember the incident word for word but I remember the encounter vividly. Biko! don’t laugh too much. (Ok, girl you know when you tell someone not to laugh too much it automatically gets them laughing. 🙂 )

My cousin had gone to work and I was left alone at home. I was so bored that I decided to spice up my day. I went to Sango market to buy some foodstuffs. I also decided to buy some CD’s at a stand and that was how I met this guy. (Oooooohhhh….this is the part I so love to hear about… how they met… I’m all ears!)

We got talking about movies. I realised he was an avid movie watcher just like me. He sounded so nice and we exchanged numbers. He called me the next day and this was when the drama started. While we were talking, something led to another and I told him I had not yet taken my bath. He scolded me and told me to go and bath joor.

Then the shocker came. He said, “I don’t want to go out with a smelling girl”. * Jaw drops* Did I hear this guy correctly? He just said I was smelling! (HUH? WHAT!!!!! Babes, I don’t think your jaw dropped as low as mine. Even my mum would scold my brothers for telling their sister that she’s smelling. It’s a big cultural ‘no no’)

Foolish me, I overlooked that language. I didn’t know it was a sign of more to come. We continued talking and we agreed to meet in an eatery. I cleaned up and got dressed, hoping to have fun with my new date. *rolling my eyes*. On getting to the eatery, I called him to come out to meet me but he asked me to come inside. I hate looking all around for my first dates in an unfamiliar place. (A guy I was talking to recently actually said that only a girl that doesn’t know her worth goes to search for the guy on a first date. He should be the one to come out and search. I didn’t particularly agree with him then but Tosin’s story is making me wish I had.) I insisted so he agreed to come out. He called me that he was outside but I couldn’t still see him. We kept talking on phone till I located him. Just before he dropped the call, I heard something like Olodo! Gbam! The second shocker! Olodo ke, I don enter am today! (Okay, at this point my jaw dropped so low that the yam I was about to eat fell out of my mouth. WHAT???)

We went inside, made our orders and settled down. Then another drama started.

# Part 1) He asked to see the contents of my purse and I refused. Then we started dragging my purse together and when I would not release it he became pissed. (No comments on this one. What was he hoping to see in the bag, biko?)

# Part 2) We continued eating and chatting. All of a sudden, he asked to see my stomach!  “Stomach ke! Inside eatery, see my life o!” I blatantly refused and he was even more pissed.

# Part 3) I still stayed and we kept talking. Then he asked, “Who even told you that you are beautiful?” Ehn see question…. I didn’t still take offense. I smiled and told him that I have friends and families who compliment me. He gave me a mocking expression and said, “You are not fine. You are just OK.”

*Alarm bells sounding in my head* That was the last straw. I said to myself, “This is the last day you will ever see me!!!!”

I kept my cool and decided to leave few minutes later. You know another shocking thing? He wanted me to go home with him! Insult upon injury! Of course, I bluntly refused. (Okay, this is the one that just makes me mad. Why would you meet someone and ask her to go home with you on the same day? Even oyibos keep it simple till the third date except she’s the one that invited you to her place. Ladies, please help me out here!)
Some days later, he sent me a text that I didn’t even call or text him. He said “It’s so sad because it shows he didn’t mean anything to me.”

“Argggh! Call fire! He even had the nerve to get in touch after all that.”

Every girl I told the story to was angry with me for putting up with such nonsense.

Femmetotale, I am sure if you were my mother or elder sister, you would have beaten me for even taking such. (hahahahahaha… nope, I wouldn’t have beaten you. I’d have asked you why you didn’t call me immediately to come and take you away from there. Lolz…) Anyways, I am wiser now o! 

Tosin Florence Eyebiokin


We’ve all had to sit through bad dates before but this guy takes the cake. When I read about Tosin’s experience, at first, my jaw dropped and then dropped lower and then got shut cos I was mighty pissed. I sense that the guy is uncultured and just plain abusive and I pity the girl who will have to live through that for the rest of her life. The first ‘no no’ was telling the girl that she was smelling. Ok, I know guys you’re very close to can get away with that but not someone you’ve just met. The last straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when he told her that she wasn’t beautiful. I mean, who does that? Some people deserve to be put in that place that starts with the letter Z, kai! Anyways, thank God you were able to escape on time before he did more damage on you.

Ladies, I hope you could relate with Tosin’s experience. I sure did. Tosin is an amazing blogger and she blogs at www.chavivas.blogspot.com. You know that feeling you get when you’re walking by the brooks at dawn? That’s how her writing makes me feel… peaceful. You should go check out her blog.

Do have a splendid week and don’t forget to keep being complete.

Femmetotale.

PS: Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to alicia_davids@yahoo.com

How to get the girl of your dreams III

© Copyright 2009 Corbis Corporation

The weekend is here again and today we say goodbye to the old month and welcome to the new. I see you dancing to the TGIF tune and planning your fun for the weekend. Well, here’s a little something to add to your fun right here on Femmetotale. Still on how to get the girl of your dreams, we’ve got some tips on how to get that girl you want, bearing in mind that we should seek what we deserve and not merely what we desire. If you missed the other editions then please click here and here to see the background to this post.

Meanwhile, I came across this funny video. I think it is old but I found it to be so true of girls that I just had to share it.

Are we ladies really this complicated? What am I even saying? We are really that complicated, reading meanings into things that are perfectly simple and nagging a guy into frustration. Well, before I go spilling the beans and spoiling the fun, why don’t you watch it yourself and see if it is true!

So about getting the girl you want, here are some more tips that are sure to get you what you want.

#3. Show confidence: If you’ve prepared yourself well and made sure that you make a good first impression, the next thing you have to remember is that you should show confidence. Confidence is a very attractive garment and it looks good on anybody as long as it is not excessive. Overconfident people are just plain annoying. Confidence is the reason why some people who have no business being on TV have our attentions and we nod to the beats of their music (I won’t mention names but you get the drift. 😀 ). It doesn’t necessarily have to do with having a lot of money in your bank account but having a deep sense of worth and value of yourself. You know, it’s funny how a dog can sniff out your fear and bark louder as soon as it notices that you are afraid. Somehow, girls know when you are acting really nervous and it puts them ill at ease like, “if you have something to say then say it already.” Don’t worry if she’s particularly making you nervous just keep your cool. The next thing you must pay attention to is her body language.

#4. Read the signs: Girls say a lot of things without really saying them. The greatest challenge men have in relationships is the ability to read body language. It is a great social skill that everybody should have. Every smart girl should know how to read a man’s body language and that’s what the girl in the video should have been smart enough to know or did she? You judge. These signs are often universal except for a few that are peculiar to people from particular regions. For instance, when an Indian is saying yes, we Nigerians may think he’s saying no. Apart from that there are basic body signs every guy should know.

  • If you’re talking to a girl and she’s shifting from foot to foot and looking around her impatiently then you can tell that she’s bored and can’t wait to get away from you.
  • If she keeps touching her ears while you’re talking and looking at anybody else but you then you can tell that she has no interest in what you’re saying and can’t wait to get away from you.
  • If her hands are on her hips, then she might be waiting, impatiently or just tired
  • Pay attention to the feet! A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that she is impatient, excited or nervous.
  • Okay, this is one that I find totally hilarious. Some people may point their feet to the direction of where they want to go or sometimes towards their interest. So if it’s pointing at you, she may be interested in you. If she leans forward while you’re speaking then she’s interested in listening to you.

These few tips on body language should be able to get you on the right note. You can find out more on how to read body language by simply reading books about it. At least I know I did. It’s a great social skill.

More tips coming right up on this column. Don’t forget to drop your comments and let’s see if these tips really do work.

Keep being complete!

Femmetotale

PS: Sorry I was unable to upload the video. Will upload later tonight. Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to alicia_davids@yahoo.com