You are not ready for marriage

Multi-ethnic newlyweds hugging at beach

A lady who was down and out on her luck went to a fortune teller, hoping to find a reason to continue living. The fortune teller found something positive  in her future and told the lady, ‘You will be proposed to 3 times in the next 6 months.’ She said, ‘No, it will only happen once.’ When asked why, she said ‘Cos I’ll accept the very first proposal and there’d be no need for the other two!’

I found this an interesting story because many people have gotten to a point when they have had to say this especially due to pressures from family and society.

I attended a couple of weddings lately. Ladies, we really know how to have fun with ourselves. Underneath the facade of just looking good in their bridesmaid dresses and asoebis was the age-long scheme of all womankind. I noticed the coy looks under the smoky eyelashes. Was it the flirtatious giggles or the fake British accents in singsong voices? Everybody had something planned to catch new suitors. Yes, it was all about the new catches. It was all about being the next in line.

One of the new acquaintances I made asked me a question. He may have been at loss on how to make meaningful conversation but I found his question quite interesting. He asked me what age I feel a lady should be ready to get married. My first response was a long grin which I’m sure made him feel embarrassed. Then I laughed out loud and asked him, ‘ready or ripe?’ He was just as perplexed as you are now. I went ahead to remind him that his question applied to both sexes. That inspired this post. The question is, are you ripe or ready for marriage?

Think about it this way…

Do you have a life-sized chip on your shoulders, always thinking that your opinion is the best and your decision ought to be final. Are u more likely to throw a tantrum once someone disagrees with you? Then you are ripe, not ready for marriage.

Do you always need someone to make decisions for you and somehow you have come to believe that your future depends on someone else? Then you are ripe, not ready for marriage.

Do you need someone who will meet all your financial needs? Then you are ripe not ready for marriage

Are you more excited about the wedding than the marriage? Sure the beautiful ring, white gown and cake are alluring but when the dress comes off and all the well wishers are gone then starts the real thing. If you’ve not spent time thinking about that part then you’re ripe, not ready for marriage.

If you’re doing it just because all your friends are getting married too then I guess I don’t need to tell you that you’re ripe, not ready for marriage.

If you’re not ready to put someone’s needs first before yours then you’re definitely ripe, not ready for marriage.

Suddenly it doesn’t matter anymore what he does for a living, whether you love him or whether he really loves you…lady, you’re ripe, not ready for marriage.

Are you thinking about your family and what they are likely to benefit from your marriage? Then you’re ripe, not ready for marriage.

Are you more concerned about appending the ‘Mrs’ to your name than the character of the ‘Mr’? Then you are ripe, not ready for marriage.

Have you started overlooking that character flaw that causes you to have a nagging feeling in your mind? You may just be ripe, not ready for marriage.

Marriage requires mental maturity and not just physical maturity (I’m not encouraging #child marriage by the way). Mental maturity requires the ability to make decisions after considering important factors and to stand by your decisions. Think about it!


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That thing everyone is saying about you

that thing about you

You know you’re that kind of person and everyone knows that you’re that kind of person and you don’t understand why they just don’t get it. You are you and can never be anyone else. It’s just who you are. Being the most knowledgeable person in your circles, having the best ideas, taking charge of any situation and being the leader, It’s just you. You were born that way. In fact, at birth, you were probably directing the nurses and doctors on how to assist in your arrival, where to place you and how to carry you. Somehow, somehow, you just happen to ‘know it all’. At some point your siblings just stopped bothering to tell u stuff cos you always replied with a curt, ‘I already know.’ Your teachers, some admired the fact that they didn’t have to expend so much energy teaching you cos you always grasped it just as fast, others thought you were too haughty and wished they could just fail you without seeming petty.

Now you’re all grown and whenever you walk into a gathering or join a group and someone pitches an idea, you always have a better idea of how it should be done. You are such a smart person and you believe everyone should acknowledge that. You believe you were made for the front seat, your opinions are consistently sound and you are always right. Then one day you start to notice the faces, the looks, the sneers and snickers. They don’t protest against your ideas. They don’t even reject them, it’s obvious they’re just irritated that you’re always the one giving them. Well, you’re okay with it. Afterall, geniuses must be treated that way all the time. Then one day, it goes beyond the snickers. Someone actually hisses and makes a comment under her breath when you speak and the others laugh. You are so certain it was about you and feel confused. Could it be that you have food stains on your dress from the lunch you just had. A quick check reveals none and you continue speaking. Shortly after that you ask your colleague to pass you a pen and she throws it on the floor instead. Her face is an open show of disgust. It doesn’t end there. You are suddenly left out at meetings. They claim they must have forgotten to send you a memo or that it must have been swept away by the cleaners or that you saw it but pretended you didn’t. You feel like there’s a conspiracy against you and they are ganging up against you. You can’t even complain to your boss cos you’ve made him look like a fool before his superiors by pointing out his error in front of them. The hot hate glances he shoots your way tell you that he’s just waiting for an opportunity to deal with you. Still you can’t help being you. They just have to deal with it.

Really? You can’t help being you? As in you were born that way? Your brain was all matured and formed to know it all? Please, please and please no one was born the way they are. We were all formed bit by bit by our experiences, environment, family and the informations we picked up as we grew. You weren’t born that way. It may be a fact that somehow you had such tendencies but consciously you allowed it to be. While it is okay for you to be a ‘leader type’ and you like to be in charge, you must also learn to read circumstances and pick vibes. It is not okay to keep talking when you know that you are causing trouble with your words. Sometimes you need to keep quiet – Prov 10:19. The words of wise men are heard in the quiet more than the cry of him that ruleth among fools – Eccl 9:17. A wise person is often called upon to speak cos his words are kown to be precious. You can stop being the annoying you and become a better person. Instead of being the one to come up with ideas all the time, you can try to listen to others too and give them the benefit of the doubt that they have something to offer. You may even be able to compare what they are saying with your ideas and come up with something better.