Why do good girls like bad boys and why do the bad boys like good girls? Could it be because of the law of attraction that says ‘unlike charges attract while like charges repel or could it be because of something else, some hidden intentions behind all the good girl/ bad boy charade? Could it be the ‘I’m strong enough to fix him without being influenced by him’ mentality that leads good girls to ruin in the hands of the bad boy? Could it be that she sees the goodness in him beyond what others see? Or could it be that tinge of excitement that she cannot get from the good ones?
This bad boy factor is a common occurrence among young Christian single women. Some prefer to ignore the nice Christian bros and pursue relationships with the ones known as “bad boys”…hmm. Worse, some ladies find themselves unable to break free from an attraction to men of ill repute. So, how do you define a “bad boy.”
*Any guy who seems outwardly attractive, but is unwilling to offer sacrificial love in a relationship. He is too immature and preoccupied with himself to share genuine compassion, concern, or acceptance.
*Any guy who lacks character and exhibits: lying, aloofness, irresponsible dreaming, fear of commitment, sexual promiscuity, addiction to substances or pornography, selfishness, hunger for power, disinterest in surrendering to God, etc.
* Any guy that is not interested in true love and has no regard for your feelings. He expects you to do most of the giving, while he ignores your needs or takes advantage of your kindness.
Does any of these sound familiar to you? So why do you think you’re still attracted to someone who is no good? Is it because of your insecurities or need for acceptance/self affirmation?
Here are some key reasons why good girls like bad boys.
Reason #1 – He can be fixed.
Some women allow their “nurturing instinct” to affect whom they choose to date. In other words, a nice girl may view a bad boy as a “project” or someone whom she can help “fix.” At this point you acknowledge that he has character flaws, yet believe you can help him mature or overcome his problems, thereby giving you a sense of significance. Sorry to remind you that you cannot re-create anybody. Only God can so except if he makes a personal decision to let God change him you’re just setting yourself up for heart breaks.
Sometimes too if a woman was abused or ignored by her father, she may not know how to identify character or real love. Worse, she may subconsciously think that her past pain can be erased by marrying a bad boy and making everything work out right. #smh# wrong thinking. Character is built over time and is very difficult to change.
The fallacy of this belief is that it’s impossible to make a man improve his character. He may fake integrity over the short-term, but a man will only mature when he makes the decision himself. All too often, a woman reasons that a bad boy’s character flaws will not harm her. She believes that she is insulated from the consequences of his dishonesty, addictions, or immaturity. Sadly, she is usually the person who winds up suffering the most hurt. She hangs onto the relationship thinking her sacrifice will encourage him to improve.
Reason #2 – The need for affirmation, to be noticed and to seem cool.
Some girls are attracted to bad boys just for the need to seem popular. It’s quite exhilarating to know that this popular guy likes you when you’re so different from him. Okay, so he is the life of the party and everyone thinks he’s cool…how cool it will be to be seen with him too. So you’re also willing to do whatever it takes to seem cool in his eyes including forgetting about your own beliefs. Bad boys tend to be more assertive than nice guys when it comes to initiating a dating relationship. Since most women want a man to pursue them, this aggressive approach can feel appealing.
Also, women usually prefer a man who seems to have purpose in life. For example, some single Christian women complain that “Christian men are too passive or non-adventurous.” In other words, “nice guys” wait too long to initiate relationships or take the bull by the horns and achieve what they need.
I believe our Christian men should really think about this. Some are too scared of rejection to ask a woman for a date? Please our Christian bros you may need to take a cue from the bad boys to learn some of those things that make them come alive but don’t be like them oh.
Reason #3 – He’s so exciting.
The kind of society we live in now glamorizes the bad boy attitude. It is the Bad boy actors and musicians that we get attracted to and not the ones that portray a good image. We seem to prefer the casanova image to the good guy that sticks to one girlfriends and treats her nice. The word ‘mugu’ easily rolls off our lips. While it is true that their popularity or playful personality can be very attractive, it is usually very fleeting and does not have deep roots. What some women don’t realize, is that their personal reputation can be tarnished by associating with a notorious person. If people don’t respect your man, they will have a hard time respecting you.
Bad boys may be fun, but the party never lasts. Vain pleasure always wears off over time. So, good girls beware. A bad boy may shower you with compliments, attention, and excitement, but the moment you cease to keep him happy, he will lose interest in you. Soon, he’s off looking for another woman to indulge his selfish heart.
Breaking the bad boy cycle
So now you’ve been getting attracted to only the bad ones and you know you need to break the cycle. How then do you avoid dating a bad boy? The key lies in first examining the reasons for your attraction, evaluating your need and then realizing your value. For instance if your need is for acceptance or popularity then you need to work on it by yourself. Start taking steps, reading books and gathering information on how to be in the limelight. After all there is no guarantee that the popularity you get from being with a bad boy will last. If however your reason is for the excitement, you’d do well to consider if the end result will be worth it. By all means have your fun but don’t blame anyone for the consequences. If it is an esteem issue, then you need to constantly affirm your value in God’s eye to yourself. It won’t hurt to verbally remind yourself each day of how special you are and the unconditional acceptance God has for you no matter who you are or what you look like. Your true identity is that of a beautiful, celebrated, daughter of God (Isaiah 62:3-4).
Your desire to feel cherished and complete can only be met by Christ. If you do not learn to get your need for love met in Him, then your heart can be vulnerable to a bad boy’s charisma.
In addition, human relationships only experience intimacy when both parties sacrifice for each other. By definition, a bad boy is unwilling to offer you sacrificial love. So don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are immune to his lack of integrity. You must be willing to walk away from a man who is unwilling to sacrifice for your needs.
Also, don’t attempt to fix a bad boy’s character flaws. Only Jesus Christ can change a man, and it generally takes years to see real improvement. Change is possible, but a man must be willing to surrender himself to God and take action. A real man knows that he can do nothing apart from Christ (John 15:5). Therefore, ladies, reserve your heart for a guy who will rely upon Christ to love you.
Ladies, this does not mean that you should date a man who is boring either. On the contrary, date a guy who captivates you. However, it is important to discern a man’s character before you give him your heart.
Remember, you cannot spin gold from a pile of straw. Dating a guy with poor character, even if he pursues you, often shows poor taste and will not reflect well on you in the eyes of society. Bad boys may be more common than men with character, but waiting for a man with integrity is worth it. So kiss the bad boys goodbye, and say hello to true love in Christ!