Last first date – An Exciting Meet

Young Couple Drinking Wine

You all probably know by now how much I love hearing love stories, about how meeting a stranger blossoms into something beautiful and lasting. After all, every friend you have today was once a stranger but by sharing certain interests and getting involved in each other’s lives, that one-time stranger quickly becomes a part of your life.

I’m always interested in the ‘first meet’ part of every love story. It’s amazing to hear about how a man bumped into a lady and helped her pick up her books that fell and got scattered on the floor. One thing led to another and they fell in love and lived happily ever and after. I know I’ve seen that a lot in movies but does it happen in real life? I mean, out here in the real world we seem to meet that ‘special someone’ in least expected places like; on the road (under the scorching sun), or at the ATM point (where you were waiting impatiently for your turn) or….. the market. Okay, before I go spilling the beans again, my girl, Tosin met that ‘special someone’ at a least expected place and she dished it all right out to me. When I read her mail, I was just about to eat my fried yam and stew which I had been longing for all day. Here’s how it went. Hear it right from her. My own words are in brackets and italics.

Hi Femmetotale,

I commented on your post about the “last first date” and you asked me to share my experience and here it is.

This happened around 4yrs back when I was still in the University. I came around from school to visit my cousin in Ibadan. I cannot remember the incident word for word but I remember the encounter vividly. Biko! don’t laugh too much. (Ok, girl you know when you tell someone not to laugh too much it automatically gets them laughing. 🙂 )

My cousin had gone to work and I was left alone at home. I was so bored that I decided to spice up my day. I went to Sango market to buy some foodstuffs. I also decided to buy some CD’s at a stand and that was how I met this guy. (Oooooohhhh….this is the part I so love to hear about… how they met… I’m all ears!)

We got talking about movies. I realised he was an avid movie watcher just like me. He sounded so nice and we exchanged numbers. He called me the next day and this was when the drama started. While we were talking, something led to another and I told him I had not yet taken my bath. He scolded me and told me to go and bath joor.

Then the shocker came. He said, “I don’t want to go out with a smelling girl”. * Jaw drops* Did I hear this guy correctly? He just said I was smelling! (HUH? WHAT!!!!! Babes, I don’t think your jaw dropped as low as mine. Even my mum would scold my brothers for telling their sister that she’s smelling. It’s a big cultural ‘no no’)

Foolish me, I overlooked that language. I didn’t know it was a sign of more to come. We continued talking and we agreed to meet in an eatery. I cleaned up and got dressed, hoping to have fun with my new date. *rolling my eyes*. On getting to the eatery, I called him to come out to meet me but he asked me to come inside. I hate looking all around for my first dates in an unfamiliar place. (A guy I was talking to recently actually said that only a girl that doesn’t know her worth goes to search for the guy on a first date. He should be the one to come out and search. I didn’t particularly agree with him then but Tosin’s story is making me wish I had.) I insisted so he agreed to come out. He called me that he was outside but I couldn’t still see him. We kept talking on phone till I located him. Just before he dropped the call, I heard something like Olodo! Gbam! The second shocker! Olodo ke, I don enter am today! (Okay, at this point my jaw dropped so low that the yam I was about to eat fell out of my mouth. WHAT???)

We went inside, made our orders and settled down. Then another drama started.

# Part 1) He asked to see the contents of my purse and I refused. Then we started dragging my purse together and when I would not release it he became pissed. (No comments on this one. What was he hoping to see in the bag, biko?)

# Part 2) We continued eating and chatting. All of a sudden, he asked to see my stomach!  “Stomach ke! Inside eatery, see my life o!” I blatantly refused and he was even more pissed.

# Part 3) I still stayed and we kept talking. Then he asked, “Who even told you that you are beautiful?” Ehn see question…. I didn’t still take offense. I smiled and told him that I have friends and families who compliment me. He gave me a mocking expression and said, “You are not fine. You are just OK.”

*Alarm bells sounding in my head* That was the last straw. I said to myself, “This is the last day you will ever see me!!!!”

I kept my cool and decided to leave few minutes later. You know another shocking thing? He wanted me to go home with him! Insult upon injury! Of course, I bluntly refused. (Okay, this is the one that just makes me mad. Why would you meet someone and ask her to go home with you on the same day? Even oyibos keep it simple till the third date except she’s the one that invited you to her place. Ladies, please help me out here!)
Some days later, he sent me a text that I didn’t even call or text him. He said “It’s so sad because it shows he didn’t mean anything to me.”

“Argggh! Call fire! He even had the nerve to get in touch after all that.”

Every girl I told the story to was angry with me for putting up with such nonsense.

Femmetotale, I am sure if you were my mother or elder sister, you would have beaten me for even taking such. (hahahahahaha… nope, I wouldn’t have beaten you. I’d have asked you why you didn’t call me immediately to come and take you away from there. Lolz…) Anyways, I am wiser now o! 

Tosin Florence Eyebiokin


We’ve all had to sit through bad dates before but this guy takes the cake. When I read about Tosin’s experience, at first, my jaw dropped and then dropped lower and then got shut cos I was mighty pissed. I sense that the guy is uncultured and just plain abusive and I pity the girl who will have to live through that for the rest of her life. The first ‘no no’ was telling the girl that she was smelling. Ok, I know guys you’re very close to can get away with that but not someone you’ve just met. The last straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when he told her that she wasn’t beautiful. I mean, who does that? Some people deserve to be put in that place that starts with the letter Z, kai! Anyways, thank God you were able to escape on time before he did more damage on you.

Ladies, I hope you could relate with Tosin’s experience. I sure did. Tosin is an amazing blogger and she blogs at www.chavivas.blogspot.com. You know that feeling you get when you’re walking by the brooks at dawn? That’s how her writing makes me feel… peaceful. You should go check out her blog.

Do have a splendid week and don’t forget to keep being complete.

Femmetotale.

PS: Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to alicia_davids@yahoo.com

How to get the girl of your dreams III

© Copyright 2009 Corbis Corporation

The weekend is here again and today we say goodbye to the old month and welcome to the new. I see you dancing to the TGIF tune and planning your fun for the weekend. Well, here’s a little something to add to your fun right here on Femmetotale. Still on how to get the girl of your dreams, we’ve got some tips on how to get that girl you want, bearing in mind that we should seek what we deserve and not merely what we desire. If you missed the other editions then please click here and here to see the background to this post.

Meanwhile, I came across this funny video. I think it is old but I found it to be so true of girls that I just had to share it.

Are we ladies really this complicated? What am I even saying? We are really that complicated, reading meanings into things that are perfectly simple and nagging a guy into frustration. Well, before I go spilling the beans and spoiling the fun, why don’t you watch it yourself and see if it is true!

So about getting the girl you want, here are some more tips that are sure to get you what you want.

#3. Show confidence: If you’ve prepared yourself well and made sure that you make a good first impression, the next thing you have to remember is that you should show confidence. Confidence is a very attractive garment and it looks good on anybody as long as it is not excessive. Overconfident people are just plain annoying. Confidence is the reason why some people who have no business being on TV have our attentions and we nod to the beats of their music (I won’t mention names but you get the drift. 😀 ). It doesn’t necessarily have to do with having a lot of money in your bank account but having a deep sense of worth and value of yourself. You know, it’s funny how a dog can sniff out your fear and bark louder as soon as it notices that you are afraid. Somehow, girls know when you are acting really nervous and it puts them ill at ease like, “if you have something to say then say it already.” Don’t worry if she’s particularly making you nervous just keep your cool. The next thing you must pay attention to is her body language.

#4. Read the signs: Girls say a lot of things without really saying them. The greatest challenge men have in relationships is the ability to read body language. It is a great social skill that everybody should have. Every smart girl should know how to read a man’s body language and that’s what the girl in the video should have been smart enough to know or did she? You judge. These signs are often universal except for a few that are peculiar to people from particular regions. For instance, when an Indian is saying yes, we Nigerians may think he’s saying no. Apart from that there are basic body signs every guy should know.

  • If you’re talking to a girl and she’s shifting from foot to foot and looking around her impatiently then you can tell that she’s bored and can’t wait to get away from you.
  • If she keeps touching her ears while you’re talking and looking at anybody else but you then you can tell that she has no interest in what you’re saying and can’t wait to get away from you.
  • If her hands are on her hips, then she might be waiting, impatiently or just tired
  • Pay attention to the feet! A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that she is impatient, excited or nervous.
  • Okay, this is one that I find totally hilarious. Some people may point their feet to the direction of where they want to go or sometimes towards their interest. So if it’s pointing at you, she may be interested in you. If she leans forward while you’re speaking then she’s interested in listening to you.

These few tips on body language should be able to get you on the right note. You can find out more on how to read body language by simply reading books about it. At least I know I did. It’s a great social skill.

More tips coming right up on this column. Don’t forget to drop your comments and let’s see if these tips really do work.

Keep being complete!

Femmetotale

PS: Sorry I was unable to upload the video. Will upload later tonight. Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to alicia_davids@yahoo.com

Last first date – Blind Date Gone Bad

Young couple in cafe

It’s happened to the best of us. It’s happened to me too. Any girl in the dating zone will tell you she’s been on one or two blind dates in her life. Wondering what I mean by blind date? Don’t worry I’ve been there before too. I remember hearing about a blind date and wondering if she went on a date with a blind guy. Awwww… touching! I also remember thinking, so we still have girls with hearts of gold like that… Well, I soon found out that a blind date is not about going on a date with someone that can’t see but simply going a date with someone you’ve never met in person.

We’ve heard fairytales about two strangers that went on a ‘blind date’, fell in love and lived happily ever after. Some say it was love at first sight, some say they hit it right off when they met and some say they knew they’d be perfect together the moment they met. With facebook and other social media, blind dates have practically become a normal thing cos who’s to tell if the guy you’ve been chatting with on facebook is really the one in his profile picture? So many classic romantic tales have been spurn around ‘blind dates’ and everybody loves a little bit of romance, right? Okay, so imagine my delight when my dear friend, Victoria told me about her blind date who just came into the country and couldn’t wait to meet her. What could be more romantic than that? Well, let’s find out how the date went right from her. I’m trying not to spill the gist myself 😀 My own words are in brackets. Enjoy!

He just got back into Nigeria and had climbed seven mountains to get my number from my friend. So I felt what’s the worst thing that could happen, abi? I had heard tales of how handsome and  funny he was (two points for him already) so I was kind of looking forward to our meeting.

I met him at the hotel he was staying and we proceeded to an eatery not far from there. We chatted for a little while and then ordered. He ordered for oha soup and eba, I think I ordered for rice I’m not so sure now. He didn’t do anything yucky like talk with his mouth full or anything. (Okay, this is the part I really dread! What’s with guys and talking with their mouths full? One point for him, sweetz…he’s passed this part!)

What made me write this piece was what he did after. He washed his hands in the bowl, then put some water in his mouth and rinsed it. I mean gurgled the water like you would when brushing your teeth, with his face up and everything. (What!!! :O Did you say gurgled? I withdraw my one point!) Hmmm… wait, there’s more. He used the water to wipe his lips then shook his hands to dry the water off. Finally he took the serviette to complete what he had started. I just sat there, looking at him. (Sorry, sweetz, where did you say that guy came back from, the desert?) 

I didn’t know what to do really, thinking back now I hope I wasn’t staring. I was too embarrassed to check if other people had witnessed what I just saw. Of course, I had to suffer through it all till he got the bill. The amazing thing is, he didn’t even know what he did was a big ‘no no’. I thought it was over until the bill came. Ladies, he asked the waiter to wait while he crosschecked the bill with her, making sure no naira was lost. At the end of it there was an overshoot of about N40 or so, which he demanded for of course. And no, he did not tip the waiter. (hahahahaha…he had to make sure the waiter wasn’t stealing him blind. You’ve got to hand it to the guy naaa….he was being financially prudent.)

-Victoria

Blind date….hmmmm…I guess sometimes you’ve got to just have faith and take a blind leap. Thanks for sharing with us, Victoria. You sure made me have a good laugh this morning. 

Femmetotale

 

PS: Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to alicia_davids@yahoo.com

How to get the girl of your dreams II

I started a post yesterday on how to get the girl of your dreams. If you missed it then here’s your chance to get the background to this continuation. You can click here to read it. I’ve got my go-ahead so now I can start *rubbin my hands in glee*. Remember that this post is not about giving you secret tips on how to get any girl you desire. It’s about getting the girl you deserve so before you take the first step, carefully analyze yourself to see if she is someone you deserve and save yourself the stress. I’m not going to tell you who you deserve. It is entirely your place to decide. So if you decide that she’s a girl you deserve then these few tips should enable you to make the right move. Enjoy!

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So, you’ve seen that girl of your dreams and you don’t want to miss the chance to get her to say yes to you. Here are a few simple tips on how to get the girl you want. Ladies, do I have your permission to reveal some of our secrets? Okay, so I’ll just dish out a few of them and if my girls let me then I’ll dish out more.

Getting a girl is very much like going for a job interview. You know when you are called for an interview in a company where you know that once you get that job you are made for life, you try to put in your best to get it. If that girl you want is really important to you then you have to make the best effort

#1. Prepare yourself well: Nobody goes for an interview unprepared, looking like something a cat dragged out of a bottle (not unless your father is the owner of the company and the interview is just a formality or you’re Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happiness and you’re so intelligent that they won’t mind how you look). You must remember that women respond not only to how you look but also to how they perceive you (I’m not really referring to smell). There has to be an aura around you that can tell them who you are before you say a word. A girl always knows which man to give two seconds of her time, I mean enough time to say “please I’m in a hurry” and who to pay attention to. You mustn’t drive a hot car before you can get a girl you like. You just have to be able to package yourself very well. So how do you prepare yourself? That means that you should always dress well and smell nice. Develop yourself as much as you can by reading books and following world events. Many girls these days are not just educated but intelligent. Remember that to get a girl interested in you, you must show her that there is something in you that she needs.

#2. First impressions matter: They say that first impressions matter and you may never get a second chance to make a good first impression. This means that you have to utilize the best chance you have. You may meet the girl of your dreams walking along the road and choose to take your chance. You may, on the other hand, observe her for a while and take your time. Whichever option you have, you must remember that you have to put your best foot forward at the right time. The best way to make a good first impression is to use a great punch line! If you have been on an interview panel before then you’ll know that the candidate you never forget is the one that started his answer with a good punch line.  For instance, you could walk up to her, smile and say, “Here you are. We’ve been searching for you!” She’s bound to say, “Excuse me?” or “Sorry?” At which time you now say, “I heard there’s an Angel missing in heaven and we’ve been searching for you everywhere.” Okay, that was just for fun 😀 but that has definitely got to make her smile except if she’s just a difficult person or she’s in a sour mood. Even if her response is not what you expected, don’t worry, that’s your chance to tell her your name. Find something to compliment about her. It may be her hair, her smile or her dressing. Girls go to a great length to dress up and would really like to know that someone appreciates their effort. You can find out her name and if she’s a student or she’s working. Say something witty that will make her remember your name. Remember that you should be smiling. Girls, like babies respond to sincere smiles and it will keep her at ease. Don’t linger, ask her for her number and tell her you will call her later because there’s somewhere you really need to be. That will get her curious about you.

Also, don’t forget that getting a girl you like is pretty much the same as making friends. You have to master the art of making friends by learning to make good conversations. You need to be able to strike up conversations confidently and make sure you say something positive. People tend to remember the negative things faster.

Bear in mind that most girls play hard to get so don’t always expect to get a very positive response. However, if you’re really interested in getting it right then you should make a good effort.

Look out for this column on Femmetotale for more tips on how to get the girl of your dreams.

Stay blessed.

Femmetotale.