Last first date – An Exciting Meet

Young Couple Drinking Wine

You all probably know by now how much I love hearing love stories, about how meeting a stranger blossoms into something beautiful and lasting. After all, every friend you have today was once a stranger but by sharing certain interests and getting involved in each other’s lives, that one-time stranger quickly becomes a part of your life.

I’m always interested in the ‘first meet’ part of every love story. It’s amazing to hear about how a man bumped into a lady and helped her pick up her books that fell and got scattered on the floor. One thing led to another and they fell in love and lived happily ever and after. I know I’ve seen that a lot in movies but does it happen in real life? I mean, out here in the real world we seem to meet that ‘special someone’ in least expected places like; on the road (under the scorching sun), or at the ATM point (where you were waiting impatiently for your turn) or….. the market. Okay, before I go spilling the beans again, my girl, Tosin met that ‘special someone’ at a least expected place and she dished it all right out to me. When I read her mail, I was just about to eat my fried yam and stew which I had been longing for all day. Here’s how it went. Hear it right from her. My own words are in brackets and italics.

Hi Femmetotale,

I commented on your post about the “last first date” and you asked me to share my experience and here it is.

This happened around 4yrs back when I was still in the University. I came around from school to visit my cousin in Ibadan. I cannot remember the incident word for word but I remember the encounter vividly. Biko! don’t laugh too much. (Ok, girl you know when you tell someone not to laugh too much it automatically gets them laughing. 🙂 )

My cousin had gone to work and I was left alone at home. I was so bored that I decided to spice up my day. I went to Sango market to buy some foodstuffs. I also decided to buy some CD’s at a stand and that was how I met this guy. (Oooooohhhh….this is the part I so love to hear about… how they met… I’m all ears!)

We got talking about movies. I realised he was an avid movie watcher just like me. He sounded so nice and we exchanged numbers. He called me the next day and this was when the drama started. While we were talking, something led to another and I told him I had not yet taken my bath. He scolded me and told me to go and bath joor.

Then the shocker came. He said, “I don’t want to go out with a smelling girl”. * Jaw drops* Did I hear this guy correctly? He just said I was smelling! (HUH? WHAT!!!!! Babes, I don’t think your jaw dropped as low as mine. Even my mum would scold my brothers for telling their sister that she’s smelling. It’s a big cultural ‘no no’)

Foolish me, I overlooked that language. I didn’t know it was a sign of more to come. We continued talking and we agreed to meet in an eatery. I cleaned up and got dressed, hoping to have fun with my new date. *rolling my eyes*. On getting to the eatery, I called him to come out to meet me but he asked me to come inside. I hate looking all around for my first dates in an unfamiliar place. (A guy I was talking to recently actually said that only a girl that doesn’t know her worth goes to search for the guy on a first date. He should be the one to come out and search. I didn’t particularly agree with him then but Tosin’s story is making me wish I had.) I insisted so he agreed to come out. He called me that he was outside but I couldn’t still see him. We kept talking on phone till I located him. Just before he dropped the call, I heard something like Olodo! Gbam! The second shocker! Olodo ke, I don enter am today! (Okay, at this point my jaw dropped so low that the yam I was about to eat fell out of my mouth. WHAT???)

We went inside, made our orders and settled down. Then another drama started.

# Part 1) He asked to see the contents of my purse and I refused. Then we started dragging my purse together and when I would not release it he became pissed. (No comments on this one. What was he hoping to see in the bag, biko?)

# Part 2) We continued eating and chatting. All of a sudden, he asked to see my stomach!  “Stomach ke! Inside eatery, see my life o!” I blatantly refused and he was even more pissed.

# Part 3) I still stayed and we kept talking. Then he asked, “Who even told you that you are beautiful?” Ehn see question…. I didn’t still take offense. I smiled and told him that I have friends and families who compliment me. He gave me a mocking expression and said, “You are not fine. You are just OK.”

*Alarm bells sounding in my head* That was the last straw. I said to myself, “This is the last day you will ever see me!!!!”

I kept my cool and decided to leave few minutes later. You know another shocking thing? He wanted me to go home with him! Insult upon injury! Of course, I bluntly refused. (Okay, this is the one that just makes me mad. Why would you meet someone and ask her to go home with you on the same day? Even oyibos keep it simple till the third date except she’s the one that invited you to her place. Ladies, please help me out here!)
Some days later, he sent me a text that I didn’t even call or text him. He said “It’s so sad because it shows he didn’t mean anything to me.”

“Argggh! Call fire! He even had the nerve to get in touch after all that.”

Every girl I told the story to was angry with me for putting up with such nonsense.

Femmetotale, I am sure if you were my mother or elder sister, you would have beaten me for even taking such. (hahahahahaha… nope, I wouldn’t have beaten you. I’d have asked you why you didn’t call me immediately to come and take you away from there. Lolz…) Anyways, I am wiser now o! 

Tosin Florence Eyebiokin


We’ve all had to sit through bad dates before but this guy takes the cake. When I read about Tosin’s experience, at first, my jaw dropped and then dropped lower and then got shut cos I was mighty pissed. I sense that the guy is uncultured and just plain abusive and I pity the girl who will have to live through that for the rest of her life. The first ‘no no’ was telling the girl that she was smelling. Ok, I know guys you’re very close to can get away with that but not someone you’ve just met. The last straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when he told her that she wasn’t beautiful. I mean, who does that? Some people deserve to be put in that place that starts with the letter Z, kai! Anyways, thank God you were able to escape on time before he did more damage on you.

Ladies, I hope you could relate with Tosin’s experience. I sure did. Tosin is an amazing blogger and she blogs at www.chavivas.blogspot.com. You know that feeling you get when you’re walking by the brooks at dawn? That’s how her writing makes me feel… peaceful. You should go check out her blog.

Do have a splendid week and don’t forget to keep being complete.

Femmetotale.

PS: Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to alicia_davids@yahoo.com

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Someone Please Tell the Guys!

Handsome fashion designer using digital tablet

You remember the old post, ‘Someone Please tell the girls,‘ that aimed to pull the girls out of their fairy tale reverie into the world of reality when it comes to relationships? Now here’s a little something for the guys too. Facts is: guys also have their ‘fairy tale’ notions about girls that need to change as well. So guys, sit back, relax and have fun finding out some of the things ladies sometimes want to roll their eyes when u do them.

Someone please tell the guys that she’s not your mother.
I know someone at this point wants to say, of course I know she’s not my mother. Umhmm, no she’s not but why then do you expect her to know how to cook exactly like your mother or treat you exactly the way your mother treats you. I hope you know that you’re not that 5 year old boy whose mom had to go down on her knees and tie his shoe laces before school in the mornings? I know in your eyes, ur mom was perfect. She always had your meals perfectly prepared and right on time. She cooked and cleaned without a complaint, helped you into your school clothes and never failed to pack a lunch box for you but then how won’t she seem perfect when you were looking up at her from the naive eyes of a child? You didn’t see the stress written on her face, or the nights she practically passed out on her bed with her hands almost numb with pain, or did you hear how much she nagged at your dad for not lifting a finger to help her? Did you even watch her cry hysterically that your dad didn’t show her any love and support? So you only saw the perfect side of her and now you expect your wife to be the same. Could you perhaps also be as perfect as her dad was to her too? Please try to have more realistic expectations of her. Your wife will never be like your mom so please don’t expect her to be.

Someone please tell the guys that not all girls are dummies
It’s sad that even in this jet age some people still think that all  girls are dummies. I find it alarming when I hear a guy say, ‘what do you know, you’re just a girl.’ And even more so when it’s a guy who is younger than the girl in question. I know you’re tempted to think that all ladies talk about is fashion and beauty and child rearing. Then a little bit of gossiping here and there. Please give her a little more credit that she’s also a human being that has ideas, goals and aspirations and she definitely has something to offer too. It has not been scientifically proven that women have smaller brains than men. So stop treating her like a child or something of no relevance.
Someone please tell the guys that there’s a manual on ladies
Yes oh, there’s a manual on ladies but it’s not one written by your buddies so you can stop asking them for advice. Remember the phone you just bought? Did you see a small white booklet in it with instructions? I know you didn’t bother to read it, afterall the functions of phones are basically the same so you can use your head knowledge. Ok, good for you but for ladies it doesn’t come that easy. There’s a specific manual for each lady specifically made by her creator. Sorry, it doesn’t come with the package, you actually have to go to her manufacturer to request for it. So you may read all the relationship books you want but you’d be wasting your time if you don’t read the one made for her specifically. Are you wondering where to find this manufacturer and his manual? It’s simple. Just ask him in prayer. He’s your maker too and he has all the answers you need.

Someone please tell the guys that church is not for ladies alone
It’s funny that most churches have a greater population of female than males. Was the gospel written by females or was it intended only for the ladies? Why then do ladies flood churches while men stay away from church on Sundays? I know the ladies are more emotional and more in need of the succour they find in church but guys you need it too. All those answers you’ve been searching for, the help and guidance you need can be found in God too. Instead of turning to the bottle each time you meet challenges why not go to church and find peace?

Someone please tell the guys that an overblown ego is not attractive
That thing called ego…hmm na serious something oh! The way that ego thing seems to rule some guys is really something that calls for concern. It’s often all about the ego. Just because she made a suggestion, suddenly you don’t agree with her because it’s going to seem like she’s giving you instructions. Unfortunately for the guys, wise women have learnt to pitch their ideas in a way that makes it seem like it’s coming from him so he doesn’t even know he’s being manipulated. Must she do everything you want her to do without questioning your authority? And I ask, is this ego not akin to pride? Is it doing you any good and is it one of the fruits of the spirit you should exhibit as a Christian? Sometimes you need to set your ego aside when it comes to ladies.

Someone please tell the guys that love is not weakness
Guys please oh falling in love is not a sign of weakness. I understand your need to be strong and in charge but this thing called love especially that one between man and woman (only God knows what mystery he made it to be – Prov 30:19 ) is for a good purpose so embrace it. Tell her you love her as often as possible and don’t be afraid to express your love the best way you can.

Someone please tell the guys that some things get old with age

I know they say age is a thing of the mind but please it is also a physical thing! I don’t see why a man in his late thirties should still think it’s cool to wear low-waist jeans (sagging) and ear rings on his ears except he’s a music artist or it’s necessary for his profession. You still think it’s okay to play your video games and you wonder she doesn’t take you seriously sometimes. Abegi, guys help us now! A guy needs to act his age and show maturity if he wants a woman’s respect…period.

Someone please tell the guys that hygiene is not for the ladies alone
Okay guys please no vex but someone’s got to say it. Hygiene is not for the ladies only, please. Toothbrushes and soaps were made for guys too. It’s not okay for you to just wear the same shirt you wore for three days straight and zoom into the day. Please use soap and water as often as possible and also brush properly too. Dentists say proper washing of the teeth should take at least two minutes so please stop rushing it. You can help us out by smelling nice every now and then. Thank God someone was smart enough to make deodorants for men too. So please buy and use them. And for the ladies, please I know you’re a natural receiver but it won’t hurt to spend a bit of your money to buy some for him too.

Woah! I know it’s been a long read but I hope you found it interesting. Is it exhaustive? No! So if you have something you wish someone would tell the guys that I missed out then please share with us. Maybe there might even be a volume two…lol.

Femmetotale