Nuggets on True Love

Couple sitting on bed in trailer home and using digital tablet

The man who came up with the saying, “Procrastination is a thief of time,” must have been a very wise man indeed 🙂 for who else could have stolen almost the whole of July away from my blog? I know I won’t be let off the hook that easy, but I hope reading this post will make you change your mind.

So I heard this rich wisdom on love in church yesterday and I realised that I just had to dust up my blog and share it here. A lot have been said and heard about love. For all we know, there’s much more to hear and no one ever said there’s anything like too much wisdom. Being the wonderful person I am, I have decided to put down the stuff I’ve learnt on love for you too so if you’re considering marriage and you’re wondering on true love then you should read this. As always, my words are for the ladies (yea, I’m that partial 🙂 guys go get your own blog) but guys feel free to insert he or him as appropriate if you so desire.

Love is one concept that has defied all possible definition. Everyone has an opinion on what love is. For some, love is that intense feeling that can only be quenched by a sexual experience with the one they say they love. That kind of love is called Eros and just as quickly as it comes so also does it go. For some also, love is that feeling that is based on reason. They only love the one they say they love for some transient reason that may not always be. That’s Philos love. There’s also the kind of love that defies reason or conditions. It exists independently of reasons. That’s Agape love and is only fully expressed by God. Guess what? They’re all probably right about love since love is many things to many different people.

We may not have a specific definition of love but we do know what true love is when we see it. However, if you’re still in doubt about what true love is and you wonder whether the man that claims to love you truly does then here’s a few tips to help you. Don’t worry, you can thank me for posting this later **winks*

True love gives

Have you ever observed how easy it is for you to give freely and without reservations to the ones you love? Love always seeks the pleasure and happiness of the other. A mother can give up her last morsel of food to her child and go hungry. Love is that selfless. If you find yourself always willing to give to someone then you need wonder no more about whether you truly love him. And if he claims to love you then he should also willingly give to you.

Breaks and Mends

This is another great tip on true love. If you love someone then you’ll be ever willing to make up with him when you have a quarrel and please don’t tell me you never quarrel because that would just be an immature kind of relationships. You both come from different backgrounds and must disagree on certain issues. The question is when you quarrel do you reconcile and forgive each other easily or does it take so long for you to make up? Are you the one who is always willing to forgive even when he’s at fault or does he apologise too? Lady, if you’re the one who is always ready to mend the relationship then you might just be the only one whose love is true.

An open admirer

When we were young, we knew a lot about secret admirers who sometimes were not so secret lol but it’s that simple. To truly love someone you must admire him and be proud to show him off. You don’t admire someone you love in secret. You’ll want to shout it from the rooftops for all to hear. If he truly loves you also then he must be proud to show you off. Does he only affirm his love for you when you both are alone or does he pay you compliments in the company of others? If you know the answer to this then you know if your love is true or not.

An anchor in crisis

A man who truly loves you will stick with you in times of crisis. There are friends who are often nowhere to be found when you are in crisis and there’s a friend who sticks closer than a sister. Agape love doesn’t depend on perfect conditions but is forever. Supposing he was to hit on bad times and maybe lose his job would you remain loyal or will that be the end of your love? Would he stick with you if some tragedy befell you? I know it’s often difficult to tell who will stick with you for life when there’s a tragedy but any man who will be an anchor in crisis has my vote in the true love contest.

Naked and not ashamed

True love is not afraid of the skeletons in your cupboards. Just as true love sticks with you in times of crises it is also not easily doused by the skeletons in your cupboard. True love should be able to see you for who you are and not be put off. Also, will you run away when you meet the skeletons in his cupboard? This should help you know if your love is true or if it is philos. However, hmm … those skeletons had better be the type you can bear oh abeg! Don’t get into something you can’t bear and say Femmetotale gave you the go ahead! Lol!

In speech and companionship

If a man truly loves you, he will value your input in his life and vice versa. True love seeks the company of the centre of his affection and loves to listen to you. That means you should both be able to enjoy each other’s company and jointly solve your problems.

Time factor

True love will always stand the test of time. A relationship should be given time to grow. Don’t be in a hurry. Take time to study and know each other. After all you will be together forever.

Love is a flame. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love. Songs of Solomon 8:6-7.

Okay, I know the tests of true love are truly inexhaustible but this is the much I could scribble down here. Feel free to add your own nuggets and share with others. Remember true love is seen in giving.

And if you’re still wondering where I got these wonderful nuggets from, I had fun listening to a very wise woman say all these in Dominion City, Gwarinpa, Abuja. Don’t envy me just ask me nicely and you may have the opportunity to hear it all yourself next time.

Till my next post, let your love be true and may it never be quenched by the waters.


How to get the girl of your dreams III

© Copyright 2009 Corbis Corporation

The weekend is here again and today we say goodbye to the old month and welcome to the new. I see you dancing to the TGIF tune and planning your fun for the weekend. Well, here’s a little something to add to your fun right here on Femmetotale. Still on how to get the girl of your dreams, we’ve got some tips on how to get that girl you want, bearing in mind that we should seek what we deserve and not merely what we desire. If you missed the other editions then please click here and here to see the background to this post.

Meanwhile, I came across this funny video. I think it is old but I found it to be so true of girls that I just had to share it.

Are we ladies really this complicated? What am I even saying? We are really that complicated, reading meanings into things that are perfectly simple and nagging a guy into frustration. Well, before I go spilling the beans and spoiling the fun, why don’t you watch it yourself and see if it is true!

So about getting the girl you want, here are some more tips that are sure to get you what you want.

#3. Show confidence: If you’ve prepared yourself well and made sure that you make a good first impression, the next thing you have to remember is that you should show confidence. Confidence is a very attractive garment and it looks good on anybody as long as it is not excessive. Overconfident people are just plain annoying. Confidence is the reason why some people who have no business being on TV have our attentions and we nod to the beats of their music (I won’t mention names but you get the drift. 😀 ). It doesn’t necessarily have to do with having a lot of money in your bank account but having a deep sense of worth and value of yourself. You know, it’s funny how a dog can sniff out your fear and bark louder as soon as it notices that you are afraid. Somehow, girls know when you are acting really nervous and it puts them ill at ease like, “if you have something to say then say it already.” Don’t worry if she’s particularly making you nervous just keep your cool. The next thing you must pay attention to is her body language.

#4. Read the signs: Girls say a lot of things without really saying them. The greatest challenge men have in relationships is the ability to read body language. It is a great social skill that everybody should have. Every smart girl should know how to read a man’s body language and that’s what the girl in the video should have been smart enough to know or did she? You judge. These signs are often universal except for a few that are peculiar to people from particular regions. For instance, when an Indian is saying yes, we Nigerians may think he’s saying no. Apart from that there are basic body signs every guy should know.

  • If you’re talking to a girl and she’s shifting from foot to foot and looking around her impatiently then you can tell that she’s bored and can’t wait to get away from you.
  • If she keeps touching her ears while you’re talking and looking at anybody else but you then you can tell that she has no interest in what you’re saying and can’t wait to get away from you.
  • If her hands are on her hips, then she might be waiting, impatiently or just tired
  • Pay attention to the feet! A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that she is impatient, excited or nervous.
  • Okay, this is one that I find totally hilarious. Some people may point their feet to the direction of where they want to go or sometimes towards their interest. So if it’s pointing at you, she may be interested in you. If she leans forward while you’re speaking then she’s interested in listening to you.

These few tips on body language should be able to get you on the right note. You can find out more on how to read body language by simply reading books about it. At least I know I did. It’s a great social skill.

More tips coming right up on this column. Don’t forget to drop your comments and let’s see if these tips really do work.

Keep being complete!


PS: Sorry I was unable to upload the video. Will upload later tonight. Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to

It’s a girl thing


When she’s sad she cries and when she’s happy she cries too. One minute the tears of hurt are running down her cheeks and the next she’s shedding tears of joy. You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’

She tells you she’s absolutely crazy about a pair of shoes she just bought. They’re very high and look pretty dangerous no matter how beautiful they are. You’re thinking, “Isn’t it crazy to wear those heels?” but she’s thinking of being the center of attention in them. You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’

She tries on the first dress and takes it off saying it’s not beautiful enough. She tries on the second one and says it’s too loose on her. She wears the third and says she can’t breathe in that. After trying on the fifth option she decides to wear the first. You’re sitting in the car for over 30 minutes, honking impatiently cos you don’t want to be late for the engagement party you’re attending together. You wonder why she couldn’t have made up her mind 30 minutes ago. You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’

When you go out together, you meet someone she says was one of her best friends. They scream and hug each other like girls who haven’t seen each other in decades. Later on she tells you that she can’t stand her friend and gives you reasons why hates her friend more than the devil. “How come you’re friends with her then?” you ask. She just rolls her eyes at you and says ‘because….’ You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’

She’s pouting and looking really mad at you when you see her. You ask her what is wrong with her. She tells you she’s fine and you’re not to worry about her. You take a deep breath and relax, thanking God that she wasn’t upset with you for forgetting her birthday. Later that day she accuses you of not loving her anymore. You apologize and wonder why she said there was no problem earlier.  You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’

She tells you that she always wants you to be completely honest with her and she always wants you to tell her the truth no matter what. When she asks you if she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen. You tell her she’s not and she becomes angry with you.  You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’


My Proverbs 32 Man… aka The Virtuous Dude!


I came across this hilarious-slash-true-as-ever piece and I thought I should share it. I would have reblogged it but I couldn’t find what app to use so I decided it copy it and share the link here – The words in brackets and italics are mine. Enjoy!

We have all heard about the famous Proverbs 31 woman. You know the one that many men want their wives to be modeled after and many mothers want their sons to marry (ask King Lemuel’s mother!). If you still don’t know about this legendary woman I am referring to, then you need to read the book of Proverbs, chapter 31 from verse 10- till the end…22 whole verses dedicated to identifying the ideal wife. (Point to note ladies, it’s quite a high call and only by divine unction can you fit the bill 🙂 Not surprisingly the rather long list of achievements was wisely given to King Lemuel by his beloved mother (thank God for mothers-in-law right?). I can almost imagine that he either was the only son, the first son or the last son.

I have always wondered though that King Lemuel had the good fortune of having a mother who could let him in on the secret of finding a virtuous wife, but how about the ‘virtuous’ husband?

So  a few years back, we did a survey with about 15 lovely Christian ladies and asked them what qualities they looked out for in a man to make up what we term our ‘PROVERBS 32 MAN’.. I am taking a step further to write it down and make it plain on tablets. Guys you definitely want to read this and run with it. Enjoy!

‘Qualities of the PROVERBS 32’ Man

 V.1 Who can find a virtuous husband? For his worth is far above precious stones.

V.2 He must be a man as GENEROUS as David – David was a man who GAVE! When it was time to build the Lord’s temple, he was prepared to give his all and his best. In addition, he was a cheerful giver and gave without complaining or grumbling. He must be willing to show his love to me and others by giving with a generous heart – 1Chronicles 22 – emphasis on v5 – (Seems that thing about giving needs a whole sermon of its own preached)

 V.3 He must be as UNDERSTANDING as Joseph the father of Jesus – He was a man who understood his betrothed, Mary and believed her when she said to him that she became pregnant by the holy spirit –Matthew 1:18-25 (Now, this part really got me…how many men in their right senses will believe that cock and bull story these days. You got preggie outside wedlock and now you’re claiming that it happened by divine visitation…hmm. That Joseph must have been a real man!)

V.4 He must be as TRUTHFUL as Samuel – Imagine getting a word from the Lord that your master and his sons would perish and being able to say it exactly as it is to him, word for word not minding the consequence, that was Samuel! – 1 Samuel 3: 16 – 18 (That’s bold and truthful indeed!)

 V.5 He must be as LOVING as Hosea – Hosea loved his wife and took her back even though she repeatedly committed adultery with other men! He obeyed God’s instruction to love her irrespective of what she had done – Hosea 3:1-3 (Do we even have anyone called Hosea in existence now? No man wants to even imagine the thought of his wife cheating on him with another man not to talk of a prostitute).

V.6 He must be as FAITHFUL as Joseph was to Potiphar – Joseph refused to sleep with his master Potiphar’s wife. He should be able to remain faithful to me even when ‘opportunities’ willingly present themselves as they so often do! – Genesis 39 (A faithful man who can find? For his worth is far above gold!)

 V.7 He must be as HANDSOME as David – David was a ‘swaggerlicious’ dude, end of story – 1 Samuel 16:12 (I liked the word, swaggerlicious…when are they even going to add that to the English dictionary. Anyway, David was all that and he still loved God that much. So why do some guys seem to think that having swag means you can’t be a church boy?)

 V.8 He must be WELL SPOKEN like Paul – Paul is credited with writing many of the letters in the New Testament, the brother had a way with words. He must be able to speak to me in ‘secret’ love languages – Galatians 2:20, Romans 7:15 – Some examples of his many colloquy (That man really had a way with words. He was an orator, well versed, learned, and a master of language. I’d be proud to have me man speak with such eloquence like Paul).

V.9 He must be as STRONG as Samson – Samson was so strong, he killed a thousand men with the jawbone of an ass! He must be able to lift up and carry and move and push etc – Judges 15:15 (Now, I’ve got to put a lil brake on that one…strong yes but if the images I’ve seen of Samson in illustrated children’s bible are anything to go buy then I’ll have to say, ‘maybe not all that strong…’ He should not be a willy ninny though)

 V.10 – He must be as RESPECTFUL as Abraham – When Abraham had 3 guests, he treated them with respect and care, it turned out to be that they were angels! He should be able to recognize the angel and the gift of God that I am and treat me as such and with R.E.S.P.E.C.T! -Genesis 18: 1-8 (I totally agree. Being bold doesn’t mean he should be haughty)

 V.11 – He must be a GOOD LISTENER like Samuel – Samuel was such a good listener, he was able to hear the still small voice of the Lord. He must be able to listen to the things that I am saying and not quite saying -1 Samuel 3 (Yea, I’d love that also so that  I can comfortably sleep at night, knowing that his spiritual antenna is up…lol)

V.12 – He must be a PROVIDER like Jacob – Jacob worked 14 (!) years for the woman he loved and wanted to marry. A hardworking man is able to provide for his family – Genesis 29:15-30 (Wow, 14 years just to get one woman…guys that should tell you something. I also get that he must have loved her too much to give up).

 V.13 – He must be as SUCCESSFUL as Isaac – Isaac was a great man indeed and he continued to wax great until he became very great – Genesis 26:13 (Great but she forgot to add *wealthy*. Now, I know we’re not supposed to attach so much importance to wealth in relationships but I couldn’t help noticing that although he inherited his father’s wealth, he also multiplied this wealth. That shows that he was a man with vision).

V.14 – He must be a PHILANTROPIST like David – 1 Chronicles 22 (I’d be proud to say that he’s a man who’s concerned about the less privileged).

V.15 – He must be the SPIRITUAL LEADER in the home like Joshua – Joshua 24:15 (Oooh that guy was really a spiritual leader. He made sure his leadership was always centered on God’s will).

V.16 – He must have ABS like Samson – A man who worked his muscles like Samson did, must have his 6-packs in check! If you don’t know what abs are, you can ask King Lemuel’s kind mother – Judges 16:12 (Hehehehehehe…I don’t know what to say here. Abs are great but if he can’t make it I think we can forgive that…lol)

V.17 – He must be as INTELLIGENT as Paul – Just take a look at the books of Romans, Ephesians, Galatians, Colossians, etc! The man was gifted like that!!

 V.18 – He must be as ROMANTIC as Solomon – He must have had some dangerous lyrics to spin for about a 1000 women! A man who waxes poetry for his beloved??! Definitely a keeper! -SOS 4:1-5 (Wow…talk about love poems, that dude called Solomon knew how to dish them out and he wasn’t stingy with compliments either. A man who can spin rhymes like that for me is definitely a keeper.)

 V.19 – He must have a GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR like David – A King who is willing to dance so uninhibited in front of his subjects must also have a good sense of humour – 2Samuel 6: 16, 20 (I love to laugh…it’s good for the soul so he should be able to make me kick the air, wild with laughter).

V.20 – He must be CALM and COOL-HEADED like Moses – Any man who could lead those stiff-necked Israelites without drowning them himself in the red sea by striking the rod quickly must be something indeed. He must be able to withstand my (occasional) nagging without wringing my neck – Numbers 12:3 (I totally agree. Moses really is one of my favourites from the bible. He was humble to a fault and he was one of the greatest leaders in the bible, so great he was singled out to be one of those that witnessed Christ at the Mountain of transfiguration centuries after his death).

V.21 –He must be an APPRECIATOR and ENCOURAGER like Hosea – For Hosea to take his wife back and love her, he must have said kind words to her irrespective of the life of harlotry she was living, Hosea was also prepared to pay a high price for her even though she was seen as cheap and unworthy. He must be able to praise me and affirm me even when I don’t deserve it. In addition he must think (and show) that I’m all that and a bag of chips – Hosea 3:2 (I love that man, Hosea! He didn’t even care what people would say about him bringing back his wife into his home, a known harlot…)

V.22 – He must be as PURPOSEFUL as Daniel – When Daniel made up his mind, there was no shaking him. He must be able to stand by his word and have a purpose about what he wants to achieve and become – Daniel 1:8 (Daniel was a man of great convictions and I like a man that does not change his mind like the weather. Let your yes be your yes and no your no)

V.23 – He must be as COURAGEOUS as the 3 Hebrew boys, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego – They remained undaunted even with the threat of being thrown in the furnace – Daniel 3: 16-18 (A comedian once said that those boys must have been from Niger delta. Who has ever seen such courage?)

 V.24 – He must be as PATIENT as Job – Indulge me, let me get away with certain things, forgive my misdemeanours, love me patiently  – Job 14:14 (Ok, patient yea… but nobody is praying to have the kind of trials Job had. However, I like the aspect of being so faithful to God that he didn’t for once question His sovereignty or doubt his existence).

V.25 – Most importantly though, he must be prepared to love me as Christ loved the Church and laid down his life for itEphesians 5:25 ( Do you love me enough to die for me?).

….*Deep breath*… There you have it ladies and guys (still standing!) If you thought Proverbs 31 was a tall order, try the Proverbs 32 man…Guys can you think of anyone who can fill those shoes??? *smiling through my teeth* Of course not!

PS Though written slightly satirically, I desire a man with such qualities…. call me a hopeless romantic or tell me to pull my head outta the clouds…So help me God.


Culled from