You are not ready for marriage

Multi-ethnic newlyweds hugging at beach

A lady who was down and out on her luck went to a fortune teller, hoping to find a reason to continue living. The fortune teller found something positive  in her future and told the lady, ‘You will be proposed to 3 times in the next 6 months.’ She said, ‘No, it will only happen once.’ When asked why, she said ‘Cos I’ll accept the very first proposal and there’d be no need for the other two!’

I found this an interesting story because many people have gotten to a point when they have had to say this especially due to pressures from family and society.

I attended a couple of weddings lately. Ladies, we really know how to have fun with ourselves. Underneath the facade of just looking good in their bridesmaid dresses and asoebis was the age-long scheme of all womankind. I noticed the coy looks under the smoky eyelashes. Was it the flirtatious giggles or the fake British accents in singsong voices? Everybody had something planned to catch new suitors. Yes, it was all about the new catches. It was all about being the next in line.

One of the new acquaintances I made asked me a question. He may have been at loss on how to make meaningful conversation but I found his question quite interesting. He asked me what age I feel a lady should be ready to get married. My first response was a long grin which I’m sure made him feel embarrassed. Then I laughed out loud and asked him, ‘ready or ripe?’ He was just as perplexed as you are now. I went ahead to remind him that his question applied to both sexes. That inspired this post. The question is, are you ripe or ready for marriage?

Think about it this way…

Do you have a life-sized chip on your shoulders, always thinking that your opinion is the best and your decision ought to be final. Are u more likely to throw a tantrum once someone disagrees with you? Then you are ripe, not ready for marriage.

Do you always need someone to make decisions for you and somehow you have come to believe that your future depends on someone else? Then you are ripe, not ready for marriage.

Do you need someone who will meet all your financial needs? Then you are ripe not ready for marriage

Are you more excited about the wedding than the marriage? Sure the beautiful ring, white gown and cake are alluring but when the dress comes off and all the well wishers are gone then starts the real thing. If you’ve not spent time thinking about that part then you’re ripe, not ready for marriage.

If you’re doing it just because all your friends are getting married too then I guess I don’t need to tell you that you’re ripe, not ready for marriage.

If you’re not ready to put someone’s needs first before yours then you’re definitely ripe, not ready for marriage.

Suddenly it doesn’t matter anymore what he does for a living, whether you love him or whether he really loves you…lady, you’re ripe, not ready for marriage.

Are you thinking about your family and what they are likely to benefit from your marriage? Then you’re ripe, not ready for marriage.

Are you more concerned about appending the ‘Mrs’ to your name than the character of the ‘Mr’? Then you are ripe, not ready for marriage.

Have you started overlooking that character flaw that causes you to have a nagging feeling in your mind? You may just be ripe, not ready for marriage.

Marriage requires mental maturity and not just physical maturity (I’m not encouraging #child marriage by the way). Mental maturity requires the ability to make decisions after considering important factors and to stand by your decisions. Think about it!


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All the single ladies

Are you a single lady praying earnestly to God for a husband? Then you really need to read this post. If you’re hooked then please leave it for the single ladies. You shouldn’t be reading this.

A Woman Singing In Worship

I had been writing different posts, trying to make up my mind on what to use as my very first post this year. I stopped halfway on all of them (if I was working on paper my waste paper basket would probably have been emptied thrice already) cos I felt they just weren’t what I wanted as my first post. That was until I got the inspiration for this perfect first post. Holidays are really wonderful periods and we should never miss them for anything. In addition to giving me enough rest and an extra pound or two, the Christmas holiday was like a writers paradise for me…talk about everyday inspiration. I mean the single ladies were everywhere in outrageous outfits, shinning their teeth, chattering in false accents, batting impossible eyelashes and inspiring me to make this post. Don’t think I’m hating right now, I happen to be one of them too.

Ok, I know you’re really curious now cos whenever a comedian opens his mouth to talk about single ladies, the laughter just starts rolling even before you hear the joke. This one na real serious matter. A comment someone made today made me realize I had the perfect first post for the year. It was really just a simple everyday occurrence in almost every church. The pastor dedicated special prayers for the single ladies and declared that each one of them would find their partners this year. As expected the amen roared even louder than the speakers. I’m sure people living nearby would have wondered if an earthquake was about to take place. Anyway, you get the picture that not only were the ladies so eager to claim that word but they obviously outnumbered the men. Then when the pastor said make sure you greet 10 people before you leave the church today, the beautiful ladies were all so nice and huggy.  Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Well, he summed it up for me in few words. ‘There are so many beautiful women but very few men that are actually what they need’. Uh huh, this brings Isaiah 4:1 to my mind.

Do you notice the trend now? Beautiful women are everywhere and all money can buy are at their disposal to stay beautiful. Now today’s women are not just beautiful, they are smart, educated, successful and very available. Where then are the men? Why does it seem as though there aren’t enough men to go round. There’s no war going on right now. Why is the harvest ready and the harvesters few? You need to look at the faces of single ladies these days to see that the desperation is really kicking in..what with the competition increasing everyday. Are the clothes not tight enough or the heels not high enough to attract the men? The second point my friend made that really got me writing was that ‘the men are available but what ladies need are not available’ how easy is it to find a man who is doing an honest job, worships God and is ready to marry you?

In Isaiah 4:1, seven women were practically begging one man to marry them all at once just so that they could bear his name and not be old maids forever. They were obviously successful just like the modern woman since they were prepared to provide for themselves. Curiously, for once these women were not filled with jealousy, pettiness and attention seeking. They weren’t even wondering what people would say if they found out that they were all begging one man to marry them and neither were they concerned about issues of inheritance and position that would arise after the marriage. None was concerned about becoming the least favourite after the wedding. They were just desperate. Does it sound familiar now? I can just imagine the priest joining seven women to one man in holy matrimony. The way ladies are going about the desperation to get married, I wonder if this won’t soon be the case. May God deliver us from this desperation abeg.

The prayer requests keep flooding churches every Sunday, God settle me! A comedian made a joke about women praying loudest whenever the prayer topic is about life partners and the funny thing is that the prayers specify the particular type of partners. In his words, ‘God give me a husband that works in Shell, Chevron or Elf…every okada driver, jump and pass!’ I had a good laugh but I totally agree. I mean ladies are too successful these days either climbing the ladders in their professions or building great business empires to have a lazy sit-on-his-**s all day guy talking marriage. Someone needs to be talking to the men too. Sometimes I wish I could also change this blog to mentotale…lol. In addition to that not just sounding right, I also don’t have that calling. But someone needs to tell the men to sit up. Aspire for greatness! Be the best in your field! Search for ideas to excel in life! And can someone please re-orientate the men on how to woo a lady. I know our desperation has eliminated the need for men to actually practice what to say to a lady on the first date but that’s the beauty of relationships – the chase. Maybe I’ll dedicate a page to this…if only someone would just ask me nicely.

So ladies, please keep the faith and don’t think that God will forget about you. Just focus on being the complete woman and bear in mind that you are God’s reward to one man somewhere praying about you.

Keep being the…