For Single Ladies: 5 men you must never say yes to!

© Copyright 2015 Corbis Corporation

I feel pretty nostalgic writing this post especially at this time of the year when single ladies everywhere are busy getting their groves on, searching for their Mr. Right. In this part of the world, this festive season everyone knows how common it is for girls to look prettier than KimK herself, wear exotic hairstyles and expensive dresses just to get all the attention and who knows they just might get one moneybag straight from Yankee with enough dough to sponsor a celebrity Introduction/Traditional Wine-carrying ceremony, all before the year comes to an end. I mean, I’m sitting here with a mischievous smile on my face thinking of stuff I’d probably have been doing right now while appearing to be celebrating Christmas and the end of the year along with everyone else. Yeah, I’m out of that stage now and with the benefit of hindsight and of course experience I can easily write stuff like this.

Ok, so you are getting all the attention you craved for when you were fixing your expensive hair but here’s a list of the 5 men you must not say yes to this season.

© Copyright 2012 CorbisCorporation

2. Vain Vincent: This is the type of guy that is basically in love with mirrors. He stops to check out his reflection whenever you pass by a mirror or a glass door. His beard is always neatly groomed, his clothes impeccable, his sunshades designers and on his neck a gold chain. He’s always asking you, “how do I look?” and never pays you a compliment no matter how beautiful you look. It’s almost as if he’s the female in the relationship and he’s not even gay, he’s just vain. If you’re looking for a man to say yes to this season, Vain Vincent is certainly not that guy. You’re probably going to spend the rest of your life telling him how cute he is and not expect him to tell you how cute you are too. Not only that you should also expect that your family budget will project a higher amount for his clothes and accessories than your feeding!

2. Brutish Bamidele: This one is certainly the kind of guy you shouldn’t say yes to unless you are skilled in martial arts and you probably have a black belt. He’s always violent, always has a pack of cigarettes in his car, quarrels with keke drivers on the way, always reeks of alcohol, never concedes an argument no matter how wrong he is, says things like “women talk too much… they deserved to be thrashed to keep them in their place”, calls his mother a whore, verbally abuses his sisters and is so possessive when it comes to you that he’s ready to beat up any guy he sees hanging around you. Of course when he’s with you, he’s generally nice, pays you compliments and treats you like you are the centre of his world. He tells you all other women are sluts and you are so different. He tells you he cannot live without you and buys you beautiful gifts. Once in a while he hits you when he’s angry and tells you it is your fault for getting him angry. Then he buys you gifts and begs you not to leave him or he will surely die. Brutish Bamidele is a brute in every sense of the word and you are not the one to tame him if his mother couldn’t. Stop giving yourself stupid reasons for considering saying yes to him unless you don’t mind sentencing yourself to a lifetime of abuse.

3. Egoistic Emeka: If there is anyone you should avoid saying yes to then it is Egoistic Emeka. He’s the guy that believes everything should revolve around him. He’s only happy when the discussion is about him. He’s not really vain he just has a big ego. He’s very self-centered and doesn’t mind how much he’s going to inconvenience you just to have his needs met. He’s only in a good mood when you praise him, talks about his dreams and achievements without paying a listening ear to yours, becomes angry whenever you receive a commendation or award at work, is extremely competitive and doesn’t mind keeping you awake through the night complaining about his colleague at work who seems to have an edge over him, dominates every conversation with tales of his prowess, remains moody when you get something he desires until you hand it over to him and sulks when he doesn’t get his way. If you are in a relationship with Egoistic Emeka then you should think of calling it quits now before it is too late unless you don’t mind stroking someone’s ego for the rest of your life. Men generally have big egos but when it is such that he is highly insecure then it is very unhealthy and will pose issues for you in the future.

4. Inconsistent Ignatius: This one never holds down a job. He has great dreams and thinks his bosses are all worthless and if he were to see just one million naira he’ll start up his dream business and in no time they will be calling him “Sir”. He always knows how best things should be done, speaks articulately, has dreams of grandeur and talks about how much money he’s going to have soon without ever working hard at anything. He has very bad money habits, keeps borrowing money from you and can even gamble with his last dime. He’s always optimistic about how much he’s going to make from an imaginary deal and yet never achieves anything. His dreams change every now and then. Today he’s so sure he wants to own a computer center and tomorrow he wants to be a footballer. He let’s you pay for everything you do together, cabs, dinners and even recharge cards. Unless you’re ready to be the one to foot all the bills in that relationship and be the breadwinner when you get married you have no business dating a guy like Inconsistent Ignatius.

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5. Slutty Sule: Ok I know the word slutty is normally used to describe lose females but there are some guys that flirt so much that they deserve to be called sluts. Slutty Sule is the typical nice guy. He knows exactly how to please a lady. He buys you gifts, sends romantic text messages, leaves roses at your doorstep, opens the car door for you to enter, pulls out the seat for you when you go out and gives a listening ear when you are speaking. On the face of it, Slutty Sule seems to be the perfect guy but something tells you that you’re not the only woman in his life. One minute he’s telling you how much he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you and the next he’s staring at one yellow paw-paw that struts past him never mind that she may not even be as pretty as you. He’s always carefully guarding his phone, answering calls from different girls and smelling of different feminine perfumes which he claims is nothing. When you see him with a different girl he’ll be quick to tell you that it’s his great grand sister’s niece. Well, unless you’re ready to be fighting with different girls everyday he’s definitely not the man to say yes to.

So ladies while you’re having fun this festive season and making yourself available for Mr. Right to find be yourself, remain steadfast and remember these 5 guys you must never say yes to.

Dare to be yourself…

Femmetotale

 

 

For singles only – #TheSingleLife

iStockSmilingBlackWoman

Thursday evening and I had just come home from work. It was one of those extremely busy days at the office. As I climbed up the stairs, the only thing on my mind was how to lie on my bed and have a really long sleep. The moment I got in, I took off my shoes and lay on the floor, too tired to even shower before falling into a sound slumber. I eventually woke up just a few minutes after I slept, my phone was just blaring into my ears much to my chagrin. I had no choice but to freshen up and get comfortable. Then I picked up the phone to see who had been calling. I checked the missed call and started looking through other stuff on my phone. That was when I stumbled upon something beautiful that gave rise to this post. I mean, it practically made my evening and had me rolling on the floor, nodding to myself when I realised how true most of them were and even laughing out loud as if I was sharing a joke with someone though I was all alone. Did I mention that this post was for singles only? Hmm…I bera not catch any ‘married’ reading this or else….hmmm.

So, the stuff that had me rolling on the floor was something I saw on twitter. I recently followed Dr. Tony Rapu of ‘This Present House’ on twitter. I had listened to him speak a couple of times when I went to visit my sister who is a member of his church and I must say I had an amazing time just being there in the presence of God and hearing those drops of wisdom from him. That evening however, I was just browsing through my TL, buying time before going to make my dinner when I saw his tweet, ‘it is in times of crisis we walk on water.’ I went like, ‘wow’ in my mind and would have added a halleluiah but curiosity got me to look at all his recent tweets like a hart longing for water. That was when I came across his hashtags, #TheSingleLife.

At first, when I read through his TL, I didn’t want to put it up here cos I felt that I’m not in the right position to be doing this but on second thought I realised that I would be liable for hoarding useful information for no good reason. So, I have carefully listed his tweets here for your consumption. Some, you have heard before and some you haven’t. I hope you find them as insightful as I did. The words in italics are mine…just a couple of thoughts.

  • Enjoy the goodness of single life. Yea, I know you’re asking ‘what is good about being single?’ Good question but just wait for it. Your answer is coming right up.
  • Demote marriage in your heart, Put God first. And someone is saying, ‘What? Demote what? Marriage is my number one priority this year. All my mates are getting married. Can’t you see that my biological clock is ticking? I’m sure God understands.’ Okay naa…
  • Put marriage in proper perspective. Which other perspective naa? All I need to do is accept the ring, wear the white gown and every other thing will take care of itself.
  • Idolatry of marriage messes up your single years and eventually distorts your marriage life.
  • Singles who do not develop a healthy relationship with the heavenly bridegroom will become needy in marriage. I’m already needy in my singlehood. Is it not the same thing?
  • Even the best marriage on earth cannot fill the void left in the human soul. Only Christ can. But I already have Christ and I am still lonely. It is even worse when I see couple holding hands and looking so happy together. Just give me any marriage at all. It is better than being alone.
  • Married couples don’t do well in marriage until they see their marriage as a prototype of Christ and the Church.
  • Christians who remain single are making a statement that their future is not guaranteed by family but by God.

Have you ever seen a house with a large black gate and high fence, with a wooden notice hanging on it and the inscription, BEWARE OF DOGS on it? Can you recall how you felt when you saw it? That’s the exact way this beware part made me feel…lol

  • Beware of the needy person with emotional baggage and unhealed hurts and wounds. They make life miserable for you.
  • Beware of the immoral person.
  • Beware of the idolatry of marriage. Seeing marriage as the all in all of life.
  • Beware of the man who wants you pregnant before marriage.
  • Beware of the prisoner of their past.
  • Beware of the insecure person.
  • Beware of the time bomb who needs anger management. But he shouts at other people not me. He never shouts at me directly. Hmmm…really…beware!!!
  • Beware of the control freak. I need say no more…freaky-scary.
  • Beware of the cyber-love and courtship. I met him on facebook and we’ve been chatting for over a month. I think I’ve fallen in love with him already. Really? Are you in love with him or with the image in the computer? Come to think of it, have you ever put up anything bad about yourself on facebook? Would you expect him to? Umm….I thought so too.
  • Beware of the unbeliever.
  • Never ignore warning signals in a relationship
  • Avoid sex toys. God calls you to wholesomeness.
  • God never really chooses a spouse for you. He only guides you in making the right choice in life
  • Falling in love with a married man or woman is a useless venture like a journey on a road that is taking you nowhere.
  • Marriage does not cure loneliness.
  • Ladies beware of the bodyguard man. He’s like a gateman, stays around you, scares away potential suitors but still makes no commitment
  • Ladies, a weekend in your lover’s house cheapens you and reduces your value. Well, these days, Nollywood is teaching us different. May God help us!
  • Premarital sex is wrong, foolish and dangerous. It is a sin against God and your own body. Everybody else says it’s ok but what do you say?
  • Don’t do what married people do until you get married
  • Don’t put your whole life on hold waiting for a supposed fiancé who lives abroad.
  • Don’t marry someone simply because you pity them
  • Don’t marry just to escape from your parents home
  • Don’t marry just because you got pregnant. It is repentance and counselling you need.
  • Don’t marry just to escape loneliness. You will still be lonely in marriage.
  • Don’t marry because of peer pressure.
  • Don’t allow parental pressure push you into marriage. Your parents won’t live with you in the marriage.
  • I will marry him and convert him afterwards. The power to convert anyone does not lie with you but with God.
  • I have to date many people to pick the best…no you don’t.
  • I must marry a virgin cos I’m a virgin…who said?
  • Never allow people’s opinion to shape your perception of your true self
  • Many singles want to get married and many married want to be single again.
  • Marriage is good but enjoy life on your way to getting married.
  • Stop mourning your singleness. Get a life!
  • Singleness is not a limitation
  • Singleness is not a sin, a sickness nor is it a problem
  • Being married is not a condition for fulfilling your destiny
  • Being married is not a condition for making it to heaven
  • You were not created for marriage. Marriage was created for you. You were created for dominion.
  • The founder of Christianity, Jesus Christ was single all his life.

There is so much more but I’m sure it cannot all be condensed into this page. I was tempted to publish it in two volumes at the risk of becoming like my wonderful Nollywoodians but I decided to put it all up here. These are really useful titbits of information that every single person must hear. I hope you picked some precious pearls here. Do have a wonderful weekend and remember to keep being the femmetotale… while you wait.

Femmetotale

NB: This Present House is at Freedom Way/End of Admiralty Way, Lekki Phase 1

www.thispresenthouse.org or follow on twitter @drtonyrapu

All the single ladies

Are you a single lady praying earnestly to God for a husband? Then you really need to read this post. If you’re hooked then please leave it for the single ladies. You shouldn’t be reading this.

A Woman Singing In Worship

I had been writing different posts, trying to make up my mind on what to use as my very first post this year. I stopped halfway on all of them (if I was working on paper my waste paper basket would probably have been emptied thrice already) cos I felt they just weren’t what I wanted as my first post. That was until I got the inspiration for this perfect first post. Holidays are really wonderful periods and we should never miss them for anything. In addition to giving me enough rest and an extra pound or two, the Christmas holiday was like a writers paradise for me…talk about everyday inspiration. I mean the single ladies were everywhere in outrageous outfits, shinning their teeth, chattering in false accents, batting impossible eyelashes and inspiring me to make this post. Don’t think I’m hating right now, I happen to be one of them too.

Ok, I know you’re really curious now cos whenever a comedian opens his mouth to talk about single ladies, the laughter just starts rolling even before you hear the joke. This one na real serious matter. A comment someone made today made me realize I had the perfect first post for the year. It was really just a simple everyday occurrence in almost every church. The pastor dedicated special prayers for the single ladies and declared that each one of them would find their partners this year. As expected the amen roared even louder than the speakers. I’m sure people living nearby would have wondered if an earthquake was about to take place. Anyway, you get the picture that not only were the ladies so eager to claim that word but they obviously outnumbered the men. Then when the pastor said make sure you greet 10 people before you leave the church today, the beautiful ladies were all so nice and huggy.  Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Well, he summed it up for me in few words. ‘There are so many beautiful women but very few men that are actually what they need’. Uh huh, this brings Isaiah 4:1 to my mind.

Do you notice the trend now? Beautiful women are everywhere and all money can buy are at their disposal to stay beautiful. Now today’s women are not just beautiful, they are smart, educated, successful and very available. Where then are the men? Why does it seem as though there aren’t enough men to go round. There’s no war going on right now. Why is the harvest ready and the harvesters few? You need to look at the faces of single ladies these days to see that the desperation is really kicking in..what with the competition increasing everyday. Are the clothes not tight enough or the heels not high enough to attract the men? The second point my friend made that really got me writing was that ‘the men are available but what ladies need are not available’ how easy is it to find a man who is doing an honest job, worships God and is ready to marry you?

In Isaiah 4:1, seven women were practically begging one man to marry them all at once just so that they could bear his name and not be old maids forever. They were obviously successful just like the modern woman since they were prepared to provide for themselves. Curiously, for once these women were not filled with jealousy, pettiness and attention seeking. They weren’t even wondering what people would say if they found out that they were all begging one man to marry them and neither were they concerned about issues of inheritance and position that would arise after the marriage. None was concerned about becoming the least favourite after the wedding. They were just desperate. Does it sound familiar now? I can just imagine the priest joining seven women to one man in holy matrimony. The way ladies are going about the desperation to get married, I wonder if this won’t soon be the case. May God deliver us from this desperation abeg.

The prayer requests keep flooding churches every Sunday, God settle me! A comedian made a joke about women praying loudest whenever the prayer topic is about life partners and the funny thing is that the prayers specify the particular type of partners. In his words, ‘God give me a husband that works in Shell, Chevron or Elf…every okada driver, jump and pass!’ I had a good laugh but I totally agree. I mean ladies are too successful these days either climbing the ladders in their professions or building great business empires to have a lazy sit-on-his-**s all day guy talking marriage. Someone needs to be talking to the men too. Sometimes I wish I could also change this blog to mentotale…lol. In addition to that not just sounding right, I also don’t have that calling. But someone needs to tell the men to sit up. Aspire for greatness! Be the best in your field! Search for ideas to excel in life! And can someone please re-orientate the men on how to woo a lady. I know our desperation has eliminated the need for men to actually practice what to say to a lady on the first date but that’s the beauty of relationships – the chase. Maybe I’ll dedicate a page to this…if only someone would just ask me nicely.

So ladies, please keep the faith and don’t think that God will forget about you. Just focus on being the complete woman and bear in mind that you are God’s reward to one man somewhere praying about you.

Keep being the…

Femmetotale