How to get the girl of your dreams III

© Copyright 2009 Corbis Corporation

The weekend is here again and today we say goodbye to the old month and welcome to the new. I see you dancing to the TGIF tune and planning your fun for the weekend. Well, here’s a little something to add to your fun right here on Femmetotale. Still on how to get the girl of your dreams, we’ve got some tips on how to get that girl you want, bearing in mind that we should seek what we deserve and not merely what we desire. If you missed the other editions then please click here and here to see the background to this post.

Meanwhile, I came across this funny video. I think it is old but I found it to be so true of girls that I just had to share it.

Are we ladies really this complicated? What am I even saying? We are really that complicated, reading meanings into things that are perfectly simple and nagging a guy into frustration. Well, before I go spilling the beans and spoiling the fun, why don’t you watch it yourself and see if it is true!

So about getting the girl you want, here are some more tips that are sure to get you what you want.

#3. Show confidence: If you’ve prepared yourself well and made sure that you make a good first impression, the next thing you have to remember is that you should show confidence. Confidence is a very attractive garment and it looks good on anybody as long as it is not excessive. Overconfident people are just plain annoying. Confidence is the reason why some people who have no business being on TV have our attentions and we nod to the beats of their music (I won’t mention names but you get the drift. 😀 ). It doesn’t necessarily have to do with having a lot of money in your bank account but having a deep sense of worth and value of yourself. You know, it’s funny how a dog can sniff out your fear and bark louder as soon as it notices that you are afraid. Somehow, girls know when you are acting really nervous and it puts them ill at ease like, “if you have something to say then say it already.” Don’t worry if she’s particularly making you nervous just keep your cool. The next thing you must pay attention to is her body language.

#4. Read the signs: Girls say a lot of things without really saying them. The greatest challenge men have in relationships is the ability to read body language. It is a great social skill that everybody should have. Every smart girl should know how to read a man’s body language and that’s what the girl in the video should have been smart enough to know or did she? You judge. These signs are often universal except for a few that are peculiar to people from particular regions. For instance, when an Indian is saying yes, we Nigerians may think he’s saying no. Apart from that there are basic body signs every guy should know.

  • If you’re talking to a girl and she’s shifting from foot to foot and looking around her impatiently then you can tell that she’s bored and can’t wait to get away from you.
  • If she keeps touching her ears while you’re talking and looking at anybody else but you then you can tell that she has no interest in what you’re saying and can’t wait to get away from you.
  • If her hands are on her hips, then she might be waiting, impatiently or just tired
  • Pay attention to the feet! A fast tapping, shifting of weight, or movement of the foot will most often mean that she is impatient, excited or nervous.
  • Okay, this is one that I find totally hilarious. Some people may point their feet to the direction of where they want to go or sometimes towards their interest. So if it’s pointing at you, she may be interested in you. If she leans forward while you’re speaking then she’s interested in listening to you.

These few tips on body language should be able to get you on the right note. You can find out more on how to read body language by simply reading books about it. At least I know I did. It’s a great social skill.

More tips coming right up on this column. Don’t forget to drop your comments and let’s see if these tips really do work.

Keep being complete!


PS: Sorry I was unable to upload the video. Will upload later tonight. Last First Date is still up! Remember you can share your own bizarre dating experience with us. Just send a mail to

Last first date – Oil and Water

Mixed race couple having coffee in cafe

Every lady needs a little bit of inspiration laced with plenty fun every day. I’m all about fun and inspiration so here’s a little fun to start your week with. Read on and enjoy with me. 

Remember I mentioned that I was starting a new column under my Memoirs of a Single Christian Chic called Last First Date? Okay, so here it is. I promise not to make you laugh so much that you’ll crack your ribs but just keep your doctor’s number handy…lol. Guys, I really wonder if you make these dating blunders when you do them on purpose. Trust me there are lots of unpardonable things we see on a first date that definitely marks it out as the last.

Some things just don’t get along well with each other. Take oil and water as an example, you can mix them together and shake as hard as you like but they’ll never become friends…..or will they? Let’s find out!

Okay, so I was in Abuja for a short visit and I met a friend’s friend who seemed pretty ‘civilized’ so I freely gave him my number when he asked. I remember wondering if there was something a little off about him but I quickly dispelled those concerns. He was quite normal except for his bloodshot eyes which I guessed could have been from anything including fatigue. He told me to expect his call and I was okay with that. A couple of days later, he called and asked to meet up.

Yours truly had a couple of beautiful new dresses I couldn’t wait to try out. I finally settled for the sea-green one with flowery patterns and a pair of pale brown heeley sandals. I knew the sandals weren’t too comfy but I decided to brave it cos those were my favourite pair and I had noticed he had a nice car the day we met.

He didn’t pick me up. He called at 5:30 and said I had to meet him up somewhere cos there was traffic. I wasn’t too familiar with the way and expressed my reservations, without adding that I was sure to get mighty blisters on my feet before I got to where he was. Anyways, so I finally made it to the area and called. The networks must have had some conspiracy against me that day cos it took me over 20 minutes of standing on the road before I finally got through to him. He was very apologetic, said he had been trying my number too and he was somewhere nearby. I was mildly relieved. At least someone was going to rescue me from my tired feet.

It was another thirty minutes of trying to locate each other that we met. Because I wasn’t very familiar with the area I was unable to give an accurate description of where I was and I couldn’t locate where he was either. Just when he was about to give up and turn back I suddenly saw him and breathed a huge sigh of relief. It was already getting dark and apart from the embarrassment of dressing up for nothing I was also tired and almost frustrated. I was really relieved to see him and I was just about to say so when he said something about my having wasted much of his time, in a very angry tone. I apologized. He hissed and asked me to get into the car on a softer tone. I ignored the slight irritation and got in.

He became nicer. He asked me how my day had been and if I was enjoying my visit. It had been nice so far, I said and relaxed. The traffic hadn’t eased up but he had a shorter route to our destination and in ten minutes he said we were close.

“Where are we going?” I couldn’t resist asking.

“Oh, it’s just close by. You enjoy eating soup, right?” He asked.

“Yes,” I actually enjoy eating soup and it seemed okay to me.

“I’m not really into all these fried rice and chicken stuff people buy in fast food joints,” he continued. “Once you eat eba or pounded yam, you’ll know you have really eaten.”

I nodded as I concurred with him.

He continued, “Baby I really like you oh! You’re just my type (oh..oh…warning bells….I mean, who talks like that?). I just like this your skinny stature (more warning bells!). You’re even looking more skinny and appetizing in this your green dress, like a mermaid! (no more warning bells…real alarm blaring).”

“What did you just say?” I was hoping I didn’t hear him correctly.

“Never mind,” he laughed. “We’re almost there. I hope you like Afang soup? This Calabar woman, she knows how to make it very well with plenty meat and fish. You will enjoy it!”

“Calabar woman? What kind of place is it?” I was getting worried about his attitude. He hadn’t seemed that way the day we met.

“You like intercontinental dishes naa? Don’t worry, you will love it.” He said and pulled the car to a stop in front of a plaza.

I came down from the car, dreading walking in those heels again but like most other girls, of course I bore it. I looked around and asked, “Where’s the place?”

“Oh, it’s just here,” he said, pointing towards his left. I couldn’t really see any building with neon lights or at least a large sign but I walked behind him. We got to the place and he walked in, motioning for me to go in too.

The shock didn’t register immediately. I was still wondering if he wanted to pick up something from someone. Then it started creeping in. Did I dress up in my pretty dress and heels just to go eat in a ‘buka’? (eyes popping…). “Is this the place?” I asked, ignoring the sinking feeling in my tummy.

“Yes, Mama Ekaete makes Afang soup veeeerrryy well! Leave all those nonsense they make in restaurants. After eating her food, you will never eat Afang soup anywhere else.”

In order not to seem rude, I walked in with him and sat on the rusted chair, praying earnestly that my dress won’t rip off when it was time to stand up.

He made orders for both of us and I told him that I wasn’t really hungry as I had just eaten before leaving the house. I couldn’t tell him that the numerous flies perching on the table had stripped me of my appetite. “Baby, that time you wasted on the road eh, I was very hungry and it even increased the hunger for me.”

I pursed my lips and refrained from apologizing. Matter of fact, I felt I was the one who deserved an apology for dressing up to go on a date with him.

The food arrived and he ordered a malt drink for me. I couldn’t tell what irritated me most – the flies buzzing in my ears or the sound from his mouth as he smacked his lips while sucking out every bit of flesh from the fish he was eating and dropping the bones on the table. He spoke as he ate, “Baby, I’m sure you’re very sweet, sweeter than this Afang soup. Shebi you will follow me home this night?” he said, and attempted something like a wink.

That was it!!! I had had enough. I couldn’t stand one more minute of that. I walked out of the place, determined to go as far away as possible from him, my anger overshadowing the pain in my feet.

That was definitely a last first date! Surely, oil and water don’t mix…they just don’t.

Have  a blessed week!



PS: Have you had any similar experience? Please share your experience with us. I can’t wait to hear yours too. Just inbox me on Cheers!



It’s a girl thing


When she’s sad she cries and when she’s happy she cries too. One minute the tears of hurt are running down her cheeks and the next she’s shedding tears of joy. You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’

She tells you she’s absolutely crazy about a pair of shoes she just bought. They’re very high and look pretty dangerous no matter how beautiful they are. You’re thinking, “Isn’t it crazy to wear those heels?” but she’s thinking of being the center of attention in them. You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’

She tries on the first dress and takes it off saying it’s not beautiful enough. She tries on the second one and says it’s too loose on her. She wears the third and says she can’t breathe in that. After trying on the fifth option she decides to wear the first. You’re sitting in the car for over 30 minutes, honking impatiently cos you don’t want to be late for the engagement party you’re attending together. You wonder why she couldn’t have made up her mind 30 minutes ago. You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’

When you go out together, you meet someone she says was one of her best friends. They scream and hug each other like girls who haven’t seen each other in decades. Later on she tells you that she can’t stand her friend and gives you reasons why hates her friend more than the devil. “How come you’re friends with her then?” you ask. She just rolls her eyes at you and says ‘because….’ You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’

She’s pouting and looking really mad at you when you see her. You ask her what is wrong with her. She tells you she’s fine and you’re not to worry about her. You take a deep breath and relax, thanking God that she wasn’t upset with you for forgetting her birthday. Later that day she accuses you of not loving her anymore. You apologize and wonder why she said there was no problem earlier.  You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’

She tells you that she always wants you to be completely honest with her and she always wants you to tell her the truth no matter what. When she asks you if she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen. You tell her she’s not and she becomes angry with you.  You say it’s a bit confusing but we say, ‘don’t worry, it’s a girl thing.’


Do women know what they want?

Ladies the fact is that we are very special. The very fragile hearts that distinctly differentiates us from the men and endears us to them is the same thing that has come to be our greatest undoing. Love, care and nurture come naturally to females.  Maybe it is because we grew up learning to use our hearts more often than our brains, maybe it is simply a biological or natural occurrence but in relationships we are so very different.

And so the question keeps ringing, ‘do women even know what they want?’ especially considering the spate of failed relationships caused by ladies who end up wallowing in regret for a lifetime. She just couldn’t wait any longer for the man she loved so she married the guy with the hummer jeep; she just couldn’t bear not to be the center of all her friends attention so she married the expatriate who practically lives in a night club; she is a good girl (she’s never even been in trousers before) yet she can’t live without this jeans-sagging, power bike riding dude that lives down the street; she has never been sure of what she wanted anyway so what the heck…just marry the first guy that says will you… Even if he didn’t complete the sentence; she’s waited for so long to meet the right man and her clock is close to midnight so she’s given up and has accepted to be a third wife. And so the question continues to ring, do women really know what they want?

We did a simple survey to determine if women really know what they want. I was quite satisfied with the result of the survey cos it showed me that women everywhere have minds of their own. We may have learned to bend our will to the whims and caprices of society but it has not eroded our aspirations or needs. Women are actually more intelligent than society sometimes gives them credit for. They are strong, untiring and unrelenting in their belief in love. Is it better to love or be logical? This question can as well be interpreted as ‘is it better to love like a man or like a woman’ since women tend to be emotional and men logical. Thank God some men in this generation have learned to embrace their emotional sides too.

I’ll blame it on two things: 1. Personality and 2. Society
Society has already laid down and mapped out the life of women especially in this part of the world where you must be dependent on a man, whether it is your father, brother or husband. So naturally, society has defined the role of women such that we are allowed little room to exercise choice. Would u waste time exercising the power of choice in a family where your father is reminding you everyday that you are increasing the number of mouths he has to feed? What about peer pressure when all your friends have gotten married and are flaunting their husbands’ gifts? I heard about a girl whose parents sent her out of the house when she finished her NYSC. She ended up going to live with the first man that asked her to marry him and he kicked the ball into the post, shouted ‘goal’ and left her heart broken. Did she not know what she wanted?

Then comes the issue of personality. Some ladies are actually very shallow minded. They have never actually sat down to think about the concept of marriage and its importance before diving headlong into it. Its all about the money he has, the effizy for their friends and the beautiful white dress that will make them the centre of attraction and did I forget to mention ‘madam of the house’?

I believe that the contemporary woman is strong and courageous, focused and knows what she wants. Life’s storms may blow you in different directions and threaten to swallow you up but can you just stay focused on your dreams and hopes for the future? My advice is, know what you want. It may not have an exact description but you have an idea. I told someone earlier that when you go to buy detergent from a shop, you might have a particular specification in mind but you don’t know the brand name so you keep searching the aisles, seeing different items that look like the one you have in mind but something tells you its not it…after several minutes of walking about (like I said, time is of essence) you may decide to pick one. Does it mean that you never knew what you wanted?

Ladies, dare to stand out.

For the men, 10 things to know about us…

Girls don’t be mad at me for making this post but the men really need to hear this. I’m not on their side oh! Guys don’t become cocky either because I’m letting you in our little secrets. I put together a few notes on things women hide from men and some wrong assumptions men have about women. Don’t hesitate to state if you disagree with any of them. Enjoy!

  • If you have something to hide, she’ll find it! We always know…we just let on less than we know. Call it basic female instinct or whatever (ever wondered why you could never hide your mischievous acts from your mom as a child?). You think she doesn’t know? She’s just waiting for the right time to confront you with it.
  • Men and work! Please don’t ever attempt to think that she doesn’t mind when your work is a priority over her.
  • You just met and you are calling all day even late at night (midnight call):  you must either be a very
    confident dude to even think about doing this. You might just have spoiled your chances.
  • Every once in a while she’s gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. For want of something else to explain it, just blame it on our monthly raging hormones.
  • Women know where they stand looks-wise! If you are ever going to make any comment about her looks, it had better be to tell her she looks nice. BTW we like to hear it all the time. It feeds our vanity.
  •  It never hurts to say you’re sorry, even if you don’t mean it. Just say the magic word, it doesn’t matter how many times you do. It always works.
  • A little privacy please! We understand your need to be obsessive and curious but do you really need to know everything? Let her have her own space please.
  • She’s not as dumb as you think.I heard about a study that said “children inherit intelligence from their mothers”. If this is true, then imagine how dumb it is to think that she’s dumb. A woman gave birth to you remember.
  • Her friends matter! Believe it or not, they’re there when you’re not. So if your are hoping to impress her, her friends also have to be impressed.
  •  Girls don’t want to date doormats. As much as she likes to have her way every now and then, she also likes you to insist sometimes. However, nobody likes an overbearing person so keep it on the down low, will ya.

Finally, like my good friend says, don’t try to understand everything about us!